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Original poster

DH taking pics without asking

328 replies

sierrahotelindigotango · 04/05/2021 21:14

Long term lurker, first ever post. Been happily married for nearly ten years, together over 15 years. I've noticed recently that DH will sneakily take photos and or videos while we're having sex without asking or telling me. Is this normal / okay? No other issues in our relationship really. He's very respectful and loving generally. We have four kids and full on jobs running our own business so sex isn't as often as we'd both like... I don't know if I'm just being a prude or not.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/05/2021 23:12

Yuck and creepy.
I’d have a fit.

CorianderBee · 04/05/2021 23:14

So your husband is committing a sex crime against you....

CarnationCat · 04/05/2021 23:23

That is truly horrible OP. A complete breaking of trust and respect.

LizJamIsFab · 04/05/2021 23:27

I suppose you have to wonder, why won’t he let you know?

I can’t think of any good reasons.

CorianderBee · 04/05/2021 23:29

And no OP, it's not your fault or something to feel judged over. You're a victim of him taking sexual photos of you without your consent. It's never the victims fault, even if you freeze or hesitate because of shock, processing or even just trying to figure out what to do.

He's done the wrong towards you so don't feel embarrassed or judged. There's no need to.

Sandra15 · 04/05/2021 23:31

@WindowsSmindows

It's illegal, that's your starting point.
Well, the police apparently didn't think so when women complained about Noel Clarke, did they? But if it isn't, it bloody well should be. I can't believe it.
Honeyroar · 04/05/2021 23:36

He knows he’s doing wrong or he’d tell you. You need to find out what he’s doing with these photos. And don’t take the first thing he says as a definite. This must be a real shock as it dawns on you.

Overdueanamechange · 04/05/2021 23:43

So sorry you are going though this op. Can you pinch his phone and laptop and see if the police will do some sort of check to see what he is doing with the images?

WineGetsMeThroughIt · 04/05/2021 23:52

Jesus Christ. I've not read the whole thread, but you need to handle this very carefully! If you can access his phone check the albums and hidden photo albums.

He may get some kind of jollies by uploading the pics somewhere. I am genuinely feeling sick for you!!

This has actually become a massive problem in Asia where men film their partners changing and having sex with them and then upload them to share. The main problem is that the men see nothing wrong with this. I believe Stacy Dooley did a show on it. It was hugely disturbing! Watch this on BBC iplayer!

DH taking pics without asking
OrlandointheWilderness · 05/05/2021 00:01

God that's awful. Completely not okay.

babbaloushka · 05/05/2021 00:20

Reddit has very transparent user histories, so you should be able to see what he's posting or commenting by seeing his account, but if you can log in you can see deleted and upvote history, as well as everything he's looked at.

Anordinarymum · 05/05/2021 00:25

He could be using the content for wank fodder or he could be sharing with workmates or uploading onto dodgy sites.

He should have asked. He's stolen from you and it is wrong wrong wrong

noblegreenk · 05/05/2021 00:31

You need to confront him about this. For starters, it's illegal. Secondly, there was a similar thread a few weeks ago on here where someone's husband was taking pictures of her naked and during sex. It turned out he'd been doing this for years and posting them on websites. Also years ago, I had a boyfriend and one of his mates would take pictures and videos of his girlfriend whilst they were having sex and when she was giving him BJs. He'd forward these videos to all the lads in his friends group. I didn't feel like i knew her well enough to say anything, but they got married in the end and are still together now. I don't think she knew about it and I've always felt guilty for not telling her.

newtb · 05/05/2021 00:59

Years and years ago not so 'd' h took photos of me sunbathing topless in a secluded garden. Then on holiday he took more photos of me coming out of the sea, again topless. About 85. The photos were developed and taken into work. He maintained he'd not done anything wrong. Hmm

Contrast this with a bloke I've met on old who's asked me if he can take nude photos of me, without any pressure, and assured me that the memory card will remain in my possession.

Bit of a difference. Btw not so 'd' h is now well and truly xh!

mmollymeekinss · 05/05/2021 01:04

Sounds terrible but give him benefit of the doubt.... it is most probably a private folder library for him instead of usual porn!

FYI do mot agree or condone secret filming in any shape or form. My ex did it to me and I caught him ted handed I was like why you taking pictures of me getting dressed...... he said he it found sexy and had a album on his phone of random pics.....

Obviously I deleted this album during our break up but still

Have the chat before you jump to a million conclusions.

Him posting his wife online it's very extreme as most men are protective and are secretive with there wife's body!

loveyourself2020 · 05/05/2021 01:40

It seriously blows my mind how many normal guys, from normal marriages suddenly up and do something like this. Does he think because you are his wife he owns you and your body and can do what ever he wants. I do not think he is sending it to anyone or posting anywhere but even just taking a photo for his own pleasure without asking is huge. You need to address this right away.

Italiangreyhound · 05/05/2021 01:50

"He's very respectful..." No, he is not, this is 100% not on.

Italiangreyhound · 05/05/2021 01:55

"Posters are shocked and very concerned about your privacy and welfare."

This times 100. Thanks

BlackDaffodil · 05/05/2021 02:24

horrendous thing to do to you 🌸

KM38 · 05/05/2021 02:53

@sierrahotelindigotango I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this OP 😔 Flowers

As others have said...this is NOT your fault and is 100% illegal. @ChiefBabySniffer is right, it’s called Molka and it’s horrific. It would be an absolute dealbreaker for me if I found out my DH had done this to me.

Filming yourselves years ago has absolutely nothing to do with things now Flowers There is a huge difference between 2 adults taking photos and videos in a loving and trusting relationship where both have consented to it, and what your husband is doing to you now.

I hope the strong reaction on here hasn’t upset you, but I am actually glad you asked on here before acting as I’m sure it must be very confusing and emotional for you and I can imagine it would be easy to not know how to feel about everything. I’m sure you can see from the replies just how wrong the situation is ❤️

Personally, if I were in your situation, I would be involving the police in it. There was a case not far from where I live a couple of years ago where a man had put hidden cameras in his (female) friends flat 😔 completely unknown to her or his wife 😐 he had been streaming her online. When this was all discovered and police checked all his devices he had also been secretly filming his wife - including under doors and through keyholes while she went to the bathroom 😔
It could be just your husband completely violating you and your trust, which is horrific enough, but there could be a much bigger issue here too!

Imnotbent · 05/05/2021 03:43

@sierrahotelindigotango

No I didn't - I know that sounds odd but I didn't want to talk about it with him without knowing if I was over reacting or not.
You are never overreacting if anything makes you feel uncomfortable. Doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, doesn’t matter if everyone else does it, it is only about how it makes you feel.
Justa47 · 05/05/2021 04:48

@sierrahotelindigotango

100% not ok.
You need to tell him and now.
Insist on access to phone so you can check all are deleted and removed from just deleted files too.

Also tell hun that if any ever turn up that’s the end.

Then if he has shared then he will find.

Other option to find out the truth is to tell he you find is a turn in etc and lead the discussion on…..

Sorry you are facing this.

Lullaby88 · 05/05/2021 04:54

Why is it relevant you are a long time lurker ?
But anyway yes that isn't normal. Id b super pissed off if my husband did that. Id lose trust in him. Its disgusting.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 05/05/2021 05:09

You know it's not ok @sierrahotelindigotango

Dita73 · 05/05/2021 05:30

I know someone who did the exact same thing to his wife and he got six months in prison for voyeurism

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