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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

husband has just pushed me

69 replies

lifemutation · 29/04/2021 21:42

I'm 13 weeks pregnant. We have a DS together and we've been together for 8 years. Nothing like this has happened before.

We were both arguing over something trivial. We both got a bit shouty. I slammed my arm down on the table and he walked towards me shouting and full on pushed me back with his hands on my chest.

I'm in shock, and also really sad. He walked away saying "you took a swing at me!" I absolutely did not, I hit the table, he was a metre away. I shouted "you've just pushed your pregnant wife, well done" as he went upstairs. He hasn't come down since.

I don't even know what to do now.

OP posts:

Onthedunes · 29/04/2021 21:49

You know what happened, don't let him convince you otherwise.

sunnyzweibrucken · 29/04/2021 21:58

I'd walk. but since you're pregnant maybe you both should get in some counseling. this could be a once in a lifetime in the heat of the moment situation.

Vickles20 · 29/04/2021 21:59

I think I would want to get out of the house to clear my head a bit.

Original poster

lifemutation · 29/04/2021 22:11

I went for a drive. I've come back and dh is sulking upstairs. I want to go to bed. I want him to leave.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 29/04/2021 22:15

Rewriting what happened.
You know what happened.

What is your relationship like?
Is he shouty, angry?
Have you felt unsafe before?

This is such a leap to assault you.
Pushing you is assaulting you.

Unfortunately domestic violence starts with a push.

Have you family or friends to call?

Women's Aid will give you advice if you call them.

billy1966 · 29/04/2021 22:17

If you want him to leave, call the police OP.

You have the right to be safe in your home.

Tell him you want him to leave.

If he won't then you can ring the police and tell them you are pregnant with a toddler and have been assaulted by your partner.

They will come.

loveyourself2020 · 29/04/2021 22:20

Dear OP I am so sorry for what happened to you, but really whichever way you look at it looks the same. For a person to push another person is unacceptable no matter the circumstances, but for a man to push his wife who happens to be pregnant.... I think a line has been crossed and there is no going back. Even if he apologized, which he did not.

Onthedunes · 29/04/2021 22:22

Don't tell me, he's going to sulk then give you the silent treament until you forgive him and don't insinuate that he's a wife battering bully.

Reinventinganna · 29/04/2021 22:23

Even if you had swung for him he still shouldn’t push you. It’s never okay.

It’s a push this time but what about next time and the time after that?

romdowa · 29/04/2021 22:25

Domestic violence often starts in a relationship when the woman is pregnant, if you feel unsafe then I'd go somewhere else if you can. Trying to get him to leave could just blow things up again.

nickelbabe · 29/04/2021 22:26

What normally happens when you argue?
Does he usually sulk upstairs while you fix everything?
The answer to this will be telling as to what's happening - whether it's out of character and he might have underlying issues, or whether he's a bastard and we have to say LTB

Rubyrecka · 29/04/2021 22:28

@romdowa

Domestic violence often starts in a relationship when the woman is pregnant, if you feel unsafe then I'd go somewhere else if you can. Trying to get him to leave could just blow things up again.

Does it? Why?

Aprilshowersandhail · 29/04/2021 22:30

When my never before lifted a hand to me dh shut a door on my arm it was the beginning of the end.

He needs to leave op..

sweetchillidumplings · 29/04/2021 22:33

@Rubyrecka there are plenty of stats and studies on this. Have a quick google. It absolutely does increase the risk. As for why? Control? Feeling powerful, like they have trapped their partner maybe? Jealous knowing they now won't have their partners full attention as the baby will be a priority? I'm sure there are plenty of reasons.

Rubyrecka · 29/04/2021 22:35

@sweetchillidumplings Christ

nimbuscloud · 29/04/2021 22:40

This is not good

Aknifewith16blades · 29/04/2021 22:45

I would call the police and get him out.

Then Women's Aid in the morning/ talk to your midwife (if you have one). The only acceptable amount of violence in a relationship is none.

loveyourself2020 · 29/04/2021 22:47

@Aknifewith16blades

I would call the police and get him out.

Then Women's Aid in the morning/ talk to your midwife (if you have one). The only acceptable amount of violence in a relationship is none.

Exactly!

Dddccc · 29/04/2021 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

me4real · 29/04/2021 22:51

This is not good @lifemutation .

I think you should separate from him for you and your little one. He could've harmed you and/or your LO.

And it's likely this will only get worse.

me4real · 29/04/2021 22:54

he feels like you went to hit him

@Dddccc That's what he's saying but he's lying/gaslighting. OP said she wasn't anywhere near him.

even calling the police they may suggest you leave and not him

No. It's really unlikely they'd make a woman, especially a pregnant one, leave her home. Especially as it's her hasband (that was a freudian slip) that was violent.

billy1966 · 29/04/2021 23:00

@me4real

he feels like you went to hit him

@Dddccc That's what he's saying but he's lying/gaslighting. OP said she wasn't anywhere near him.

even calling the police they may suggest you leave and not him

No. It's really unlikely they'd make a woman, especially a pregnant one, leave her home. Especially as it's her hasband (that was a freudian slip) that was violent.

With a toddler in bed.

The police will remove him.

Typical prick rewriting history.

He's a liar to boot.

OP,
I'm so sorry.
Such a shock.
Only you know what you want from life.

What he has done vhanges things hugely.

You have to decide do you want to be in a relationship with a liar who has assaulted you while pregnant.
Much less have another child with him.

Please reach out for support.

ikeepseeingit · 29/04/2021 23:02

Hey OP. Take a BIG deep breath, this is a really scary thing to have happened, and I'm sure that you're in shock right now. Is there anywhere you can take your child and stay for the night(your mum's or a friend's)? It might do you some good to separate from the situation so that you can get perspective on what happened. I'm not sure I buy the line that he thought you were going to hit him if you hit a table.

There's no shame in calling the police to get him out if you need to, in fact, it might be a good idea for you to.

I'm so sorry this happened OP, I hope you can find the help you need around you x

PurpleDaisies · 29/04/2021 23:05

I agree with going somewhere safe tonight. You can ignore any covid rules you think you might be breaking-fleeing domestic violence is a reason to stay with someone else or in a hotel. Get rid of him from a place of safety.

Onthedunes · 29/04/2021 23:17

He really will try to minimise this but here we are another piece of shit who feels that to win, end or finish an argument is best done by being physically abusive.

They are all the same complete inability to reason their way out of a disagreement. If he has done this once he will do it again.

I bet he wouldn't have done it if you were male, 6 foot 2 and built like a brick shithouse.

What a coward.
I'm disgusted by him.

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