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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

husband has just pushed me

69 replies

lifemutation · 29/04/2021 21:42

I'm 13 weeks pregnant. We have a DS together and we've been together for 8 years. Nothing like this has happened before.

We were both arguing over something trivial. We both got a bit shouty. I slammed my arm down on the table and he walked towards me shouting and full on pushed me back with his hands on my chest.

I'm in shock, and also really sad. He walked away saying "you took a swing at me!" I absolutely did not, I hit the table, he was a metre away. I shouted "you've just pushed your pregnant wife, well done" as he went upstairs. He hasn't come down since.

I don't even know what to do now.

OP posts:

nickelbabe · 30/04/2021 22:26

How is it at home now lifemutation ?
Have you rung anyone?

billy1966 · 30/04/2021 22:43

I really hope you are safe.

loveyourself2020 · 30/04/2021 22:47

Hope she is safe.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 01/05/2021 08:50

Quite honestly OP this is a dangerous situation.
He shoved you, he is not sorry, he is trying to make out this is your fault.
This is how my domestic violence started.
Went from an initial shove after several years of marriage, to ending up in a&e with a smashed up face.
It was always my fault according to him.
You need to act now.

Original poster

lifemutation · 03/05/2021 12:48

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. I am fine and safe.

My dh approached me in the morning after I had dropped our son at nursery and apologised profusely. He didn't mention me slamming my fist on the table again. He said he was ashamed for what he has done and he would leave.

He's been at his parents house all weekend. I haven't spoken to him.

OP posts:

Onthedunes · 03/05/2021 13:54

Oh, he's had a lovely free Bank holiday weekend then.

Could it have been a pre planned argument.

doitwithlove · 03/05/2021 14:54

Have his parents contacted you over the weekend?

Longdistance · 03/05/2021 15:03

I’d hope his parents know what he’s done. But yes, you could say he’s had a free bank holiday, better he’s out of ops way tbh.
His behaviour was unacceptable, especially gaslighting you and trying to rewrite what he did.

billy1966 · 03/05/2021 17:26

@Longdistance

I’d hope his parents know what he’s done. But yes, you could say he’s had a free bank holiday, better he’s out of ops way tbh. His behaviour was unacceptable, especially gaslighting you and trying to rewrite what he did.

Lovely a weekend break for him.

Do his parents know he assaulted his pregnant partner, prince that he is.

Let his parents chew on that.

I hope you are not allowing him to return and have reached out for support.

You poor woman.

Sunflower1970 · 05/05/2021 01:52

He’s apologized. I hope you can move on and rebuild trust x

Saltedhero · 05/05/2021 08:40

Be very wary of this man op pushing a pregnant woman is totally unacceptable

loveyourself2020 · 05/05/2021 18:33

@Sunflower1970

He’s apologized. I hope you can move on and rebuild trust x

With all due respect I do not think that apologizing is enough in this instance.

pinkyredrose · 05/05/2021 18:36

He’s apologized. I hope you can move on and rebuild trust

Apologies are empty.

OP would you consider the police?

andivfmakes3 · 05/05/2021 18:55

His behaviour is unacceptable but it's up to you now how you deal with this going forward? We don't know you or your husband well enough. Has his temper escalated over the years? Do you genuinely think this was a one off (no excuse though).

If you involve the police there is no going back - you have to declare it to midwives as part of your pregnancy and social services involvement is almost guaranteed. They could dictate your relationship going forward and take any decisions out of your hands about forgiving him.

Obviously that is no reason not to report to the police if you feel you should do that

Deathraystare · 07/05/2021 08:13

Oh yeah he apologised... until the next time. You know he will do it again.....and again. and it will be 'your fault' again...

billy1966 · 07/05/2021 10:55

@Deathraystare

Oh yeah he apologised... until the next time. You know he will do it again.....and again. and it will be 'your fault' again...

This.

It is such a huge line to cross.

To push someone.

To push a pregnant woman.

He assaulted a pregnant woman.

Whatever you do now OP, you know he is capable of hurting you physically.

IMO there is no way EVER to unknow this.

Will you now watch what you say?
Your tone?

Because he could assault you again at any time.

I'm so sorry but he has capacity to be violent towards a pregnant woman.

Whatever he is, he is not in control of his anger and he is a danger to you.

me4real · 07/05/2021 11:33

Whatever he is, he is not in control of his anger and he is a danger to you.

@billy1966 He is in control of his anger of course, as he manages not to be violent to other people, or even managed to avoid not being violent to @lifemutation in the past.

He is choosing to be abusive.

billy1966 · 07/05/2021 13:46

@me4real

Whatever he is, he is not in control of his anger and he is a danger to you.

@billy1966 He is in control of his anger of course, as he manages not to be violent to other people, or even managed to avoid not being violent to @lifemutation in the past.

He is choosing to be abusive.

I apologise, that was poorly written, of course what I meant is he is choosing not to be in control of his temper.

👍

OneWeirdEyebrow · 29/06/2021 10:15

Hey lovely girl...I know it’s been a few months. How’s everything now?

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