husband has just pushed me

[lifemutation]

I'm 13 weeks pregnant. We have a DS together and we've been together for 8 years. Nothing like this has happened before.

We were both arguing over something trivial. We both got a bit shouty. I slammed my arm down on the table and he walked towards me shouting and full on pushed me back with his hands on my chest.

I'm in shock, and also really sad. He walked away saying "you took a swing at me!" I absolutely did not, I hit the table, he was a metre away. I shouted "you've just pushed your pregnant wife, well done" as he went upstairs. He hasn't come down since.

I don't even know what to do now.

[OneWeirdEyebrow]

Hey lovely girl...I know it’s been a few months. How’s everything now?

[billy1966]

@me4real

Whatever he is, he is not in control of his anger and he is a danger to you.

*@billy1966 He is in control of his anger of course, as he manages not to be violent to other people, or even managed to avoid not being violent to @lifemutation* in the past.

He is choosing to be abusive.

I apologise, that was poorly written, of course what I meant is he is choosing not to be in control of his temper.

👍

[me4real]

Whatever he is, he is not in control of his anger and he is a danger to you.

@billy1966 He is in control of his anger of course, as he manages not to be violent to other people, or even managed to avoid not being violent to @lifemutation in the past.

He is choosing to be abusive.

[billy1966]

@Deathraystare

Oh yeah he apologised... until the next time. You know he will do it again.....and again. and it will be 'your fault' again...

This.

It is such a huge line to cross.

To push someone.

To push a pregnant woman.

He assaulted a pregnant woman.

Whatever you do now OP, you know he is capable of hurting you physically.

IMO there is no way EVER to unknow this.

Will you now watch what you say?
Your tone?

Because he could assault you again at any time.

I'm so sorry but he has capacity to be violent towards a pregnant woman.

Whatever he is, he is not in control of his anger and he is a danger to you.

[Deathraystare]

Oh yeah he apologised... until the next time. You know he will do it again.....and again. and it will be 'your fault' again...

[andivfmakes3]

His behaviour is unacceptable but it's up to you now how you deal with this going forward? We don't know you or your husband well enough. Has his temper escalated over the years? Do you genuinely think this was a one off (no excuse though).

If you involve the police there is no going back - you have to declare it to midwives as part of your pregnancy and social services involvement is almost guaranteed. They could dictate your relationship going forward and take any decisions out of your hands about forgiving him.

Obviously that is no reason not to report to the police if you feel you should do that

[pinkyredrose]

He’s apologized. I hope you can move on and rebuild trust

Apologies are empty.

OP would you consider the police?

[loveyourself2020]

@Sunflower1970

He’s apologized. I hope you can move on and rebuild trust x

With all due respect I do not think that apologizing is enough in this instance.

[Saltedhero]

Be very wary of this man op pushing a pregnant woman is totally unacceptable

[Sunflower1970]

He’s apologized. I hope you can move on and rebuild trust x

[billy1966]

@Longdistance

I’d hope his parents know what he’s done. But yes, you could say he’s had a free bank holiday, better he’s out of ops way tbh.
His behaviour was unacceptable, especially gaslighting you and trying to rewrite what he did.

Lovely a weekend break for him.

Do his parents know he assaulted his pregnant partner, prince that he is.

Let his parents chew on that.

I hope you are not allowing him to return and have reached out for support.

You poor woman.

[Longdistance]

I’d hope his parents know what he’s done. But yes, you could say he’s had a free bank holiday, better he’s out of ops way tbh.
His behaviour was unacceptable, especially gaslighting you and trying to rewrite what he did.

[doitwithlove]

Have his parents contacted you over the weekend?

[Onthedunes]

Oh, he's had a lovely free Bank holiday weekend then.

Could it have been a pre planned argument.

[lifemutation]

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. I am fine and safe.

My dh approached me in the morning after I had dropped our son at nursery and apologised profusely. He didn't mention me slamming my fist on the table again. He said he was ashamed for what he has done and he would leave.

He's been at his parents house all weekend. I haven't spoken to him.

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

Quite honestly OP this is a dangerous situation.
He shoved you, he is not sorry, he is trying to make out this is your fault.
This is how my domestic violence started.
Went from an initial shove after several years of marriage, to ending up in a&e with a smashed up face.
It was always my fault according to him.
You need to act now.

[loveyourself2020]

Hope she is safe.

[billy1966]

I really hope you are safe.

[nickelbabe]

How is it at home now lifemutation ?
Have you rung anyone?

[ikeepseeingit]

@lifemutation

In the end I got so tired I went to bed. DH was already asleep so I just got into my side. I woke up early and got out of bed before he woke up. I've heard him up there having a shower. He's obviously just sulking. Great.

The fact that he's sulking and making YOU pick up the pieces of what HE did speaks volumes. He's now making you do all the heavy lifting after pushing his pregnant wife. In what world is that okay? He should be grovelling if he has any ounce of care in him.

Please reach out to someone you feel safe talking to OP, you need real-life support and to get out of that house. I understand how much you wish you could just go back to normal. This is his fault OP, and it can't happen again. What happens if your children see their dad doing this to their mum down the line? I know it sounds horrible to say that, but if he can do it while you're pregnant, he can do it in front of them.

I'm really sorry this has happened, I'm sure you're in complete shock and very hurt by it all. I hope you can get some IRL support around you asap. Contact Womens Aid if you need to x

[iklboo]

But for all we know he could be a tiny skinny thing and her 20 stone muscle person thats the problem we all assume he is a big bloke and she is a tiny woman

Makes no fucking difference.

[Aquamarine1029]

It would be over for me, op. If he's physically assaulted you once, he will do it again.

[DawnMumsnet]

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our webguides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page. There are lots of organisations listed which can offer some more support in real life.

We've also deleted a number of posts which we considered to be minimising domestic abuse or victim-blaming, because we feel such posts are really not in the spirit of the site.

We hope you're okay, OP.

[Namechangedforthistoday]

@Dddccc

But for all we know he could be a tiny skinny thing and her 20 stone muscle person thats the problem we all assume he is a big bloke and she is a tiny woman

She is pregnant, you do not push any women let alone a pregnant one!

[Wanderlusto]

Everything else aside, if someone made me so mad that I slammed my first on a table then I wouldn't want to be having a baby with them.

But this guy pushed you! And then gaslighted you. And now is acting as if he is the wronged party in order to further punish you.

Ltb, as they say on here.