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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please advise me

143 replies

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 19:50

Hi I’m new here and looking for advice on my current situation, me and my partner are currently on a break as he can’t put up with my moods I do admit I am hard work and fly off the handle at the slightest thing, I’ve spoke to my doctor and he’s put me on citalopram, what’s bothering me is my partner hasn’t bothered to find out how I am how I’m getting on with them just no contact in 3 weeks, all he said at the beginning of the break was we’ll see if we can get back together at the end of the month, but I thought he might have contacted me especially as my father was diagnosed with cancer at the end of February so he knows what I’m going through but hasn’t even bothered to find out how he is, we are meant to be going away at the end of May but I don’t honestly know if I want to go. But apart from this things are bothering me anyway his hygiene levels are not good he doesn’t wash his hands when he goes to the toilet, he comes to my house doesn’t take his shoes off and the other week he broke my coaster as his feet were up on my sofa his trainers knocked the coaster onto the floor I was livid as my friend bought me it. Unsure what to do my friends said don’t contact him am I being petty with the hygiene things or would it bother you?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 29/04/2021 19:51

It doesn’t sound like you’re very compatible or that he’s a supportive person. Probably best to make the break permanent

Anotheruser02 · 29/04/2021 19:57

It sounds like you have broken up but maybe he is keeping you as an option. He should be seeing if you are okay with the situation with your Father. He sounds uncaring, if your moods are bad enough to blank you completely for three weeks then they are bad enough for a permanent split.

I would take control and end it, request counselling for the moods not just medication.

DinosaurDiana · 29/04/2021 19:59

Perhaps he said a break because he was too much of a coward to end it.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2021 20:01

I'm trying to be as gentle as possible, but this relationship is over, or at least it should be. You're not good for him and he's not good for you. Move on.

Original poster

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 20:03

I’m confused as he still has our picture of us as his profile picture on Facebook,

OP posts:

Unanananana · 29/04/2021 20:06

You are hard work and he is unsupportive and unhygenic. Doesn't sound like much of a relationship.

Take the silence as the end and move on. You have more important things to worry about.

Original poster

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 20:09

Yes I have been concentrating on my dad he is my priority at the moment I’m more hurt he hasn’t asked about my dad than anything

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2021 20:10

Ffs, to hell with Facebook. Block him from everything and get on with it.

FuckyouCovid21 · 29/04/2021 20:15

What sort of things do you do/say during one of your moods? How long do they last and how often?

Maybe he's had enough and is planning on calling it a day without muddying the waters? The coaster thing a total overreaction, he didn't do it on purpose

HeddaGarbled · 29/04/2021 20:22

I think this relationship is probably over. You can wait until the month is up and then do it officially, or just let it die the death.

The Facebook photo means nothing. He’s not going to precipitate a confrontation now when he might escape with a gradual drifting away.

Don’t make up pretend grievances about him asking how your dad is or how you’re getting on with your medication. That’s just you desperately trying to find a way to put him in the wrong.

MadMadMadamMim · 29/04/2021 20:25

I would say that if he hasn't contacted you for three weeks then he has no intention of doing so. He's pretended it's just 'a break' because of your moods and how hard work you are and that's easier than actually telling you it's over for good.

But he's no intention of coming back.

Original poster

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 20:26

I’m not going to lie they happen frequently, I get very jealous and insecure in the relationship I don’t think he could take anymore. I know he didn’t break my coaster on purpose but if he hadn’t had his trainers up on my sofa it wouldn’t have happened he swung his feet round and knocked it off

OP posts:

Blue4YOU · 29/04/2021 20:43

He broke a coaster...? And...???
Accidents happen?

Perhaps it’s best to move on

DizzySquirrel90 · 29/04/2021 20:55

You do sound very high strung. Maybe chill out a bit or call the whole thing off.

Breaking a coaster is hardly the end of the world.

Original poster

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 21:28

It’s more the fact he had his trainers up on my sofa I’m bothered about

OP posts:

DizzySquirrel90 · 29/04/2021 21:36

Then kindly ask him to take his trainers off or get them off the sofa.

loveyourself2020 · 29/04/2021 22:49

Yes, I also have a feeling that this is it. I mean do you even want to be with someone who does not really care about you?

Original poster

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 23:05

No but when we were together he acted like he did care, he was always buying me gifts expensive ones aswell

OP posts:

nimbuscloud · 29/04/2021 23:08

I’m sure it’s for the best that’s it’s over
And sorry to hear about your dad - cancer is shit.

Anordinarymum · 29/04/2021 23:08

You need to chill out over small things. Breaking a coaster or not washing hands is trivial. Your father getting cancer is not. Concentrate on what matters and let the rest go.

Original poster

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 23:21

@nimbuscloud

I’m sure it’s for the best that’s it’s over And sorry to hear about your dad - cancer is shit.

Thankyou It probably is for the best hurts more him not asking how my dad is

OP posts:

Original poster

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 23:24

@Anordinarymum

You need to chill out over small things. Breaking a coaster or not washing hands is trivial. Your father getting cancer is not. Concentrate on what matters and let the rest go.

But their not trivial to me I actually find it disgusting not washing your hands after using the toilet

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 29/04/2021 23:30

OP I am not saying it is not disgusting. I am saying you need to chill out. If he doesn't wash his hands then say 'OY wash your hands mate' or similar.
I think you have driven him away by being overly precious, but only you will know if you did.

Some people disinfect their shopping. some don't. Some people let their dog sleep on the bed, others would be horrified .
We all have standards but if you nitpick with someone you love they will get fed up and move on.

user1471457751 · 29/04/2021 23:38

So you're hard work, jealous, insecure and you fly off the handle a lot? You also make a big deal about small things (e.g the coaster).
I think it may be best to end this relationship permanently and take some time to work on yourself.

Onthedunes · 30/04/2021 12:15

I really don't think you are compatible.

You need perfection in your life, whoever you live with will be subjected to endless complaining of how you need to have complete control of your environment.

Don't contact him and try to let the coaster incident go.
I'm very sorry to hear about your father.

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