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Original poster

Please advise me

143 replies

Chocky75 · 29/04/2021 19:50

Hi I’m new here and looking for advice on my current situation, me and my partner are currently on a break as he can’t put up with my moods I do admit I am hard work and fly off the handle at the slightest thing, I’ve spoke to my doctor and he’s put me on citalopram, what’s bothering me is my partner hasn’t bothered to find out how I am how I’m getting on with them just no contact in 3 weeks, all he said at the beginning of the break was we’ll see if we can get back together at the end of the month, but I thought he might have contacted me especially as my father was diagnosed with cancer at the end of February so he knows what I’m going through but hasn’t even bothered to find out how he is, we are meant to be going away at the end of May but I don’t honestly know if I want to go. But apart from this things are bothering me anyway his hygiene levels are not good he doesn’t wash his hands when he goes to the toilet, he comes to my house doesn’t take his shoes off and the other week he broke my coaster as his feet were up on my sofa his trainers knocked the coaster onto the floor I was livid as my friend bought me it. Unsure what to do my friends said don’t contact him am I being petty with the hygiene things or would it bother you?

OP posts:
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 08:53

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 08:56

I’ve been putting up with his shit for 2 years actually

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 09:37

He didn’t apologise he laughed and it was his trainers not his feet on my sofa

OP posts:
DizzySquirrel90 · 07/05/2021 09:45

Just end it op this is frustrating to read, your not compatible.

Also your posts do make you sound extremely petty. If you dye your hair and he doesn't like it he knows where the door is. It's your hair, your choice.

katieg03 · 07/05/2021 09:48

He isn't your partner at the moment if you are on a break. It sounds like you need to learn to not be so reactive. You are obviously an angry person by nature. Like you said, you are insecure and have trust issues so maybe you need to spend this time time and opportunity to deal with your own issues. If you are that ill natured he's probably enjoying the peace and lack of dramas. I have high standards in my own home, it's immaculate and clean. So I appreciate you find this an issue with him but pick your battles wisely. He's a human. I doubt you are perfect and have no bad habits! It doesn't matter how many expensive gifts he buys either. If you are incompatible you aren't going to work

GoddessKali · 07/05/2021 09:53

I’m not sure why you’re so angry - this is clearly indicative of how you behave irl..... I’m appalled you think it’s ok to call most women on mumsnet a tramp!
Seriously take a long hard look at yourself.

Pinkdelight3 · 07/05/2021 09:55

Well I’m just glad I’m one of the very few women left on the planet who has standards and morals glad I’m not a tramp like most of the women on here.

Um, it's you who's been going out with this charmer, not us. He's clearly no great catch, but you do sound like a nightmare so it's best that you've broken up. And as you have broken up, then it makes sense that he's not contacting you. Even if he did want to get back together after a month, from everything you've said, this would be a terrible idea, so draw a line, focus on your dad and get some more help for your rage. That is an issue.

Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 10:03

Well because the majority of the people on here think it’s ok to put his trainers up on my sofa

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 10:07

@katieg03

He isn't your partner at the moment if you are on a break. It sounds like you need to learn to not be so reactive. You are obviously an angry person by nature. Like you said, you are insecure and have trust issues so maybe you need to spend this time time and opportunity to deal with your own issues. If you are that ill natured he's probably enjoying the peace and lack of dramas. I have high standards in my own home, it's immaculate and clean. So I appreciate you find this an issue with him but pick your battles wisely. He's a human. I doubt you are perfect and have no bad habits! It doesn't matter how many expensive gifts he buys either. If you are incompatible you aren't going to work
No I’m not perfect but I would never put my shoes up on someone else’s sofa and I’m enjoying my time away from him and his choice of lifestyle
OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 07/05/2021 10:11

A break? WTF is that? He's ended the relationship this way because he knew how you'd react. I'd have run for the hills.

Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 10:11

@DizzySquirrel90

Just end it op this is frustrating to read, your not compatible.

Also your posts do make you sound extremely petty. If you dye your hair and he doesn't like it he knows where the door is. It's your hair, your choice.

I have ended it I don’t want to be with someone like that.
OP posts:
Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 10:13

@osbertthesyrianhamster

A break? WTF is that? He's ended the relationship this way because he knew how you'd react. I'd have run for the hills.
I’ve ended it not him I’m the one running for the hills
OP posts:
RosieCockle · 07/05/2021 10:56

What advice did you want then?

Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 11:19

@RosieCockle

What advice did you want then?
If people thought it was acceptable the things he does
OP posts:
BrimFullOfAsher · 07/05/2021 11:39

I mean, tbh, unless he has size 6 feet but wears size 14 trainers, I don't see what him having his trainers on has to do with the coaster bring knocked off?

Surely his feet (trainered or not) would have still knocked the coaster off?

You sound crazy hard work, no wonder he needed a 'break' though he could have been a bit more open about his intentions with it, maybe he was too scared though and did want to make you livid/jealous etc?

DizzySquirrel90 · 07/05/2021 12:42

OP it sound like he ended it when he asked for a break, you just don't like the fact you weren't in control of it.

Pinkdelight3 · 07/05/2021 12:57

If people thought it was acceptable the things he does

Okay, well the overwhelming response seems to be that he's not great, but the things you do are worse. Anyhow, you've split up now so you won't have to accept the things he does any more, and vice versa.

Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 14:38

@DizzySquirrel90

OP it sound like he ended it when he asked for a break, you just don't like the fact you weren't in control of it.
Not at all we both agreed on a break
OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 07/05/2021 14:46

So if you've dumped him, and are running for the hills, why do you give a shit he hasn't been contacting you?

You're clearly not friends.

Carbara · 07/05/2021 18:15

@Chocky75

I’ve been putting up with his shit for 2 years actually
How embarrassing for you 😄
DizzySquirrel90 · 07/05/2021 18:30

*'me and my partner are currently on a break as he can’t put up with my moods'
*
Sounds like he made the call.

Natty13 · 07/05/2021 18:31

I think it's pretty trampy to be more upset about trainers on a sofa instead of someone not washing their hands after using the toilet (and preparing food after!) That would have been the absolute last straw for me but hey, I'm a hygenic tramp

Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 19:11

@BrimFullOfAsher

I mean, tbh, unless he has size 6 feet but wears size 14 trainers, I don't see what him having his trainers on has to do with the coaster bring knocked off?

Surely his feet (trainered or not) would have still knocked the coaster off?

You sound crazy hard work, no wonder he needed a 'break' though he could have been a bit more open about his intentions with it, maybe he was too scared though and did want to make you livid/jealous etc?

I’ll make this as simple as I can he came into my house with trainers on I always felt I couldn’t tell him to take them off as he’s very headstrong being ex army, I feel he would have just walked out if I had told him to take them off, he layed down on my sofa put his trainers with his feet in them up on the arm I wanted to tell him not too but felt I couldn’t then by accident he swung his trainers round with feet in them and hit my coffee table which had the coaster on the coaster fell to the floor and broke.
OP posts:
Original poster
Chocky75 · 07/05/2021 19:13

@ElspethFlashman

So if you've dumped him, and are running for the hills, why do you give a shit he hasn't been contacting you?

You're clearly not friends.

Because he hasn’t even asked how my dad is I thought he may have as he knows what I’m going through.
OP posts:
Carbara · 07/05/2021 19:15

‘He would have just walked out’ oh no, what a loss that would’ve been. Not. I mean, he’s been pretty clear that he doesn’t give a shit about you, you’re just hurting yourself by pondering his behaviour choices. Leave the stinking fella back into the wild and enjoy your life.

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