Okay, to try to explain or answer a few posts.
This is about boundaries, not me not helping at all.
MIL is very particular about what she wants. An example is online grocery shopping that she has had delivered during the pandemic.
Dh normally sorts that out, but I said I’d do that seeing as he goes down there to help with other stuff.
So dh mentions this to her while on the phone and I was in the background. Her attitude?
Will Cheese know what to do?
Yes Mum, she is computer literate.
How would she know what to get?
Give me the list of what you want and I’ll hand it over to Cheese, plus you have everything on the favourites menu.
Ooh, not sure Cheese will understand what I want, she might not get me the right thing. The conversation rambled on so much about my conceived computer illiteracy that Dh had to take the job back.
Back to the wallpaper shop.
She organised a decorator to come within two weeks of ringing him, then tells us she needs our help, not much time given to us as we are working . What is he decorating? The living room wall.
Ok.
So, MIL is fussy about what she wants. Cue walking around aimlessly round the store. Finds something, hurrah, lovely wallpaper actually.
I’ll get a trolley and we’ll go to the checkout. Er no, while you are here, I’ll be buying wallpaper for the other rooms….they’ll need doing in the next few years…cue another hour and a half.
Not cheese is it ok for me to also choose wallpaper for other rooms before we set off. Oh no, at the last minute.
Pre pandemic days of going over to their house on a Sunday for a takeaway. Just about to leave, shoes coat on etc ‘er before you go, can you just…..it’ll only take five minutes.’ Half an hour later, by this time dbil sil disappear, or ‘ no, I can’t possibly…bye’
So, to summarise, she was ok to take over my time on a physical level (wallpaper shopping), but I’m not allowed to offer help that enables dh and I to make life a little easier for ourselves. Eg online shopping.
Elderly care/ women’s work that she keeps hinting at is toilet/hospital/bed sores/cleaning/nappy changing for when they become incapacitated. The cleaner she had originally got sacked because she didn’t clean to her standard.
Otherwise you are being manipulated by proxy Yes.
Dh and I have been talking about our will recently as it needed changing to include new arrivals in the family. I brought it up again today about booking an appointment to see the solicitor and mentioned at that point about power of attorney over PILs will. He says its his and his dbros job to doing.
Inheritance wise as dh is helping, I don’t see why he wouldn’t get any inheritance anyway ? 🤷♀️ If I didn’t help I wouldn’t expect anything anyway, but what dh will get inheritance wise will go in our joint account.