Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk @VanGoghsDog @Eesha I guess I'm feeling duplicitous on both counts, I'm very (too) open and find it hard not to divulge tmi. I will chat to MrKids to see how we get on on the phone first and go from there. Thanks again ☺️

Yeh @frankiefirstyear its exactly what @Eesha said - you may be great together when you are together (so not want to let go of that)

but if he's flaky the rest of the time/is a disapperer then you don't want to close off other options.

It's all very well talking the talk about wanting "exclusivity" but it means nothing if the guy isn't actually interested in delivering the kind of relationship you want to make you happy?

"I don't want you seeing anyone else" doesn't mean they're in love with you and want to treat you well, just that they'd rather you were "on-call" for them only!

@bangheadhere40 i think it's unwise to compare yourself to others in terms of why some get more dates. @HairyArsedMan gave me good advice as always in terms of not knowing people's situations or what they like/would tolerate or even how much free time they have. I have limited time, had an abusive ex which makes me hyper aware of alcohol and drugs etc. I rarely get past initial chats myself but mainly because im very particular i think!

@SpringlikeBunk

Yeh *@frankiefirstyear its exactly what @Eesha* said - you may be great together when you are together (so not want to let go of that)

but if he's flaky the rest of the time/is a disapperer then you don't want to close off other options.

It's all very well talking the talk about wanting "exclusivity" but it means nothing if the guy isn't actually interested in delivering the kind of relationship you want to make you happy?

"I don't want you seeing anyone else" doesn't mean they're in love with you and want to treat you well, just that they'd rather you were "on-call" for them only!

Wise words! We've all been there

Does anyone have any advice for how to get past extreme nerves? I'm not meeting him until Saturday but I can already feel myself sweating at the thought of it.

Also, has anyone not so much as properly kissed anyone in years? And do you worry you've forgotten how to do it? Asking for a friend..

Meeting confirmed with MrPM tomorrow

so let’s hope that goes through and goes well - he messaged and said pick “anywhere” as he trusted my judgement

so I changed the booking to somewhere the same street as my hostel so I don’t need to go too far. Plus Asian food so if it’s too spicy for him he can have Chips 😈

Definitely think one thing I’ve learned from dating is that someone who is initially flaky/last minute/difficult to organise with just isn’t worth it - even if they sound exciting enough?

Like with a couple of people I’ve dated, just setting a day and time and location to meet is like too much effort for them?

They want to send me last minute messages to “hang out” or “they’re in my area” and that just really doesn’t suit me.

I just end up waiting by my phone, not dressed up to go out, missing meals because I’m working round their schedule....not cool

@OutingMyself

Does anyone have any advice for how to get past extreme nerves? I'm not meeting him until Saturday but I can already feel myself sweating at the thought of it.

Also, has anyone not so much as properly kissed anyone in years? And do you worry you've forgotten how to do it? Asking for a friend..

Kisses! Well ... is go slow and think about how they kiss. I've decided the sex pests do kisses that don't ask questions IYSWIM

As for you, don't worry, it's like riding a bike. And I'm a firm believer that every kiss is different for every couple and every situation ♥️🥰♥️

Good luck. Watch some mindless telly and make other social arrangements if you can to take your mind off it

@SpringlikeBunk

Meeting confirmed with MrPM tomorrow

so let’s hope that goes through and goes well - he messaged and said pick “anywhere” as he trusted my judgement

so I changed the booking to somewhere the same street as my hostel so I don’t need to go too far. Plus Asian food so if it’s too spicy for him he can have Chips 😈

Definitely think one thing I’ve learned from dating is that someone who is initially flaky/last minute/difficult to organise with just isn’t worth it - even if they sound exciting enough?

Like with a couple of people I’ve dated, just setting a day and time and location to meet is like too much effort for them?

They want to send me last minute messages to “hang out” or “they’re in my area” and that just really doesn’t suit me.

I just end up waiting by my phone, not dressed up to go out, missing meals because I’m working round their schedule....not cool

Yeah I'm so not into the flakiness. It's like outsized kids, I'll come if I fancy it / don't get a better offer type thing. Half the time they're probably sitting at home eating Pot Noodles instead of coming out so just fess up and say you're a lazy dater and let everyone move on

Thanks @BelladiMamma. I'm really trying to distract myself, and failing 😁

@OutingMyself

Thanks *@BelladiMamma*. I'm really trying to distract myself, and failing 😁

I have some Netflix suggestions if you need them

@OutingMyself exciting!! What have you guys got planned??

@SpringlikeBunk exciting for you tomorrow too, have you met MrPM before or is this the first time?

Yay for date zeros, or first dates and more.. meeting new people, and having good times!! (Hopefully!)

Can I just note in passing that I don't use Mumsnet Talk much anymore now my DC are older. But heck this is a damn friendly thread & I am so glad it's here

Name changed to come into this thread. I'm OLD dating for first time (well since September) and dating women (I am female). Quite like to log my current state and get some advice on benching.

MsVG - started chatting in Feb and had 2 lockdown dates. Really liked her in the sense of 3 date but will not commit to 3rd date - I am defo on the bench but she is in touch a lot and responsive.

MsNewmatch - date booked for Saturday. Both agreed we don't want textathons and just want to meet up. Just a bit of super light texting in the day.

MsNotsure - chatted in Feb too. Both went off to pursue other chats and both back. I've said this time I want a video or phone call before charging everything up again - too virtual this one and need to know what I think.

MsGolden - new potential iron emerging on an app. I think she is too different to me but she's very funny and I'm always attracted to someone who makes me laugh. She's sent a good morning today. Again, I will suggest a video call and soon.

Any benching thoughts - I really should get off the bench. But I really liked her and wanted the 3rd date. What are people's approaches to this?

Hi @godwingolly and welcome. it sounds like you are being proactive and have strategies in place for each of your matches. I'm not familiar with benching as a dating term but presumably it refers to having various options to choose from ?
I would instigate the video call with those you have suggested and meet Ms Newmatch on Saturday. Is it you or Ms VG who is dragging their heels a bit ? At this stage it's all about filtering. 4 chats doesn't seem excessive to me.

MsVG is dragging - I'm on her bench and have sat there for so long, I've now had to create my own bench for her to sit on!

Ah, just looked up benching... so like enough to date but not enough to stop potentially meeting others ? I guess it depends what each party is looking for. I was never really all or nothing until I met someone I wanted to commit to. I think if you have several options you want to explore their potential. Others on here will say that they prefer to explore one solid option at a time and if they aren't truly interested after date one or two then they wouldn't continue.

@godwingolly, if you feel that Ms VG has put you on her bench then I would definitely pursue your other chats. The choice is really yours. If I realised I an option rather than No1 then I would step away, well I would now after 12 months on this thread with the brilliant hardcore boundary advice we get from fellow posters.

Thanks for the replies. I know in my gut that I need to put the boundaries in place and quash it. We've had daily comms but not had a date for a month! It's like an episode of Black Mirror. Until a couple of weeks ago, she was paying lip service to the idea of 3rd date.

I'm completely on board now with keeping a few irons in as you decide (these threads and experience of OLD) but not to do that and not date me as well is odd. I think she has had a couple of dates as well, that have not panned out and then she's back in contact.

Though I can see others on the thread, just stay on someone's bench and just respond to any contact, but in the meantime resume dating others.

@BelladiMamma I second that. These are my favourite threads on Mumsnet and you've all been so friendly and supportive

Oooh,I have a date tomorrow lunchtime. He lives 20 miles away but works in my local town which is 10 miles away. I said i was going to Homebase to pick a climbing plant and he can help if he likes! So we are meeting there and should be quite fun as both gardening novices.He said if we fail then we can grab a coffee before his shift.
I like this sort of random meet and I'm attracted to his pics so am hoping.

@kerkyra

Oooh,I have a date tomorrow lunchtime. He lives 20 miles away but works in my local town which is 10 miles away. I said i was going to Homebase to pick a climbing plant and he can help if he likes! So we are meeting there and should be quite fun as both gardening novices.He said if we fail then we can grab a coffee before his shift. I like this sort of random meet and I'm attracted to his pics so am hoping.

Great news, @kerkyra. 🤞🏻❤️😘

Good luck @kerkyra - hope it goes well

That sounds a lovely, natural way to meet @kerkyra good luck!
Hope you're having a great time @SpringlikeBunk and your long awaited meeting with MrPM is good.
Not much to talk about over here, I'm missing Mr O but still deciding if we can be fwb after he crossed one of my boundaries. I think I'm getting close to ready to talk about what we both want to happen moving forward.
Invested some time in self care this week and feeling better for it.
@frankiefirstyear I'd definitely meet the new guy, it might not even go anywhere but takes some eggs out of Mr M's basket.

@kerkyra

Oooh,I have a date tomorrow lunchtime. He lives 20 miles away but works in my local town which is 10 miles away. I said i was going to Homebase to pick a climbing plant and he can help if he likes! So we are meeting there and should be quite fun as both gardening novices.He said if we fail then we can grab a coffee before his shift. I like this sort of random meet and I'm attracted to his pics so am hoping.

This is my favourite type of date, I had a supermarket quick shopping date, and was lovely 🤣🙈