Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Oh flip.... really @TheCatWithTheHat do you think... I dont know... I'm reluctant to contact someone who may not be interested 😓 arrgh .......

@SpringlikeBunk I think thats a perfect message to send on Weds to PM. Really hope he’s got in touch before that though!!

Shayelle I know exactly what you mean, I wasted a long time on one too who I really liked and it makes you overthink the next one and be more guarded.

Have you both talked about meeting at all?

Love the terrarium Cat!

No not yet @bangheadhere40 I think he thought I’m just on there for chats which was partly true.. he said he's looking to meet someone but I said I don't think much of the apps. should I bite the bullet and say hi? Argh I'm cringing though.

Shayelle if you checking in with him after all this time is going to put him off, there wasn't really anything there anyway and then you'll know.

If there is something there for him, he'll be pleased to hear from you. So what have you really got to lose by waiting? Maybe he's worried that you're not interested, as I think cat said?

You could teach us the terrarium @TheCatWithTheHat ☺️☺️ Reckon you’d have a whole class here!

Thanks @WeWantTheFinestWines ok you have convinced me.. I msgd saying hope you're having a nice weekend..

garrgh.

@TheCatWithTheHat fabulous terrarium there! I'm terrible with plant names but especially love the big one in the middle 😍

I'm back down to basically to 0 irons. Still have a few chats on the go but no one I'm really excited by or keen to meet.
Either the chats just fizzled out or they wanted me to travel to them and then unmatched me when I questioned them and told them I wouldn't be travelling all the way to see them.

Ok well I’m glad I messaged now, got some crap reply 2 minutes later ‘I sure am how r u’.
That was it - think I’ll just unmatch - glad I did it now though!!

It's taken me well over 30 minutes to catch up with the thread

Hope everyone who has itchy text fingers gets some satisfaction one way or another soon! I always find it is worse over a weekend or when I have child free days coming up.

@VanGoghsDog I hope he stops being so intense of his own accord. If he doesn't it sounds like you have a plan

Loving the terrarium although I really need to sort my garden before I embark on any new plant related projects!

@SpringlikeBunk I am disappointed on your behalf!!! I want him to text too as I had thought that he showed great promise. Although I know the military types do tend towards the silo-ification of their lives

@HairyArsedMan wow you are tolerant. I'm afraid that would be an immediate binning from me!! But good that there are folk more forgiving out there as everyone has their reasons for name changes / age changes etc and it doesn't have to be a dodgy one

Thanks for the comments on the terrarium I'm really proud of it! They did tell us what the plant names were, but I'm terrible with them too, so "big one in the middle" works for me!

@Shayelle2009 this is something I've always stressed over too. But my therapist said I just need to be me, don't try to second-guess what the other person is thinking, and just let them react to the real me. If you want to send a message, send it - don't stress yourself about whether they'll think you're too keen, or whether they'll like you more if you wait for them to get in touch.

Some guys (like myself) get anxious about this too, and I've certainly sat on my hands not texting someone because I thought it would break "the rules". How silly would it be if the other person was doing the same thing?

Saying that, one thing I've also discovered is that my gut feeling is usually right (rule number 5 above) - so if you feel that he's losing interest, then he may well be - but texting/not texting won't change that - if anything it'll make it more obvious sooner.

@TheCatWithTheHat

Thanks for the comments on the terrarium I'm really proud of it! They did tell us what the plant names were, but I'm terrible with them too, so "big one in the middle" works for me!

@Shayelle2009 this is something I've always stressed over too. But my therapist said I just need to be me, don't try to second-guess what the other person is thinking, and just let them react to the real me. If you want to send a message, send it - don't stress yourself about whether they'll think you're too keen, or whether they'll like you more if you wait for them to get in touch.

Some guys (like myself) get anxious about this too, and I've certainly sat on my hands not texting someone because I thought it would break "the rules". How silly would it be if the other person was doing the same thing?

Saying that, one thing I've also discovered is that my gut feeling is usually right (rule number 5 above) - so if you feel that he's losing interest, then he may well be - but texting/not texting won't change that - if anything it'll make it more obvious sooner.

I remember reading this and had forgotten it was you who's posted it @TheCatWithTheHat. FWIW for all those waiting on texts it is incredibly useful advice. Just be you. And that can mean texting when you want to.

On a slightly different topic, what are people's opinions on introducing new people to friends, family, colleagues (& eventually but I am in no hurry - DC)?

I am having an internal struggle about how and when to intro MrBear because

1. All my 'things' over the last year have been unmitigated disasters.
2. I cannot be arsed with my ex finding out about yet because he is the master of slut shaming and I do not want to go through that again with him.
3. My Mum will just get anxious about the DC.
4. Mr Bear 🐻 is quite possibly the loveliest human being I've met in a long time and I want to rush around introducing him to everyone I know. But that's kind of childish given my life circs and that I don't want the DC to feel everyone knew about him before they did. And the DC will tell my ex so back to 2.
5. MrBear has told his sisters, friends and colleagues about me but no one else

@TheCatWithTheHat you’ve been completely spot on and honestly I’m glad I got my answer -saves a day of looking at my phone all day tomorrow, he was completely uninterested so I unmatched and also deleted bumble and tinder - once again proved right these damned things are a waste of time.
Why bother being so chatty and friendly to me last week then not just unmatching if he lost interest. Oh well, I saved him a job!!

That’s so cute @BelladiMamma... glad you have something that’s going so well 😊💘💘

I've planted my little bubble plant into my mini terrarium, inspired by The Cat!

MrWG has taken to sending me silly memes and videos. I'm so not a meme girl. Plus it feels like he just sends them to everyone. Heh ho.

Slightly disappointed that MrDecorator didn't suggest anything tonight but to be fair I didn't either and he's a bit under the weather after his second Covid jab.

I have a new Tinder chat started and a new match on Bumble.

Can’t help feeling really gutted to be fair. Not about him in particular but it’s just so, so hard to meet someone and I’m kind of fed up of being single (5 years now) 😞 sorry for the pity party. Thank you everyone for the advice today x

Very nice @VanGoghsDog 😃

@Shayelle2009

Can’t help feeling really gutted to be fair. Not about him in particular but it’s just so, so hard to meet someone and I’m kind of fed up of being single (5 years now) 😞 sorry for the pity party. Thank you everyone for the advice today x

Sorry to hear that

Did I miss something, did you message him then he replied saying he wasn't interested?

I have had a shit show of relationships since splitting with my ex so I have no advice except to keep the faith. There's someone decent out there for you xxx

That looks really good @VanGoghsDog - glad to have been an inspiration!

@Shayelle2009 sorry to hear that, but better you found out now than wasting another day worrying about it.

You're not alone feeling sorry for yourself and finding it hard to meet someone though - I've also had a lot of down moments over the last few months especially feeling exactly the same.

I've realised I'm so much happier when I do stuff for me and avoid the apps. As soon as I start checking and swiping, I start feeling depressed and convinced I'll never meet anyone.

Thanks @BelladiMamma... honestly I think I’m so used to just being on my own now I’d be very surprised if anyone came into my life. He replied saying ‘I sure am how r u’ so I unmatched, clearly not interested at all.
@TheCatWithTheHat I rarely bother with the apps just every now then I think.. have a little look .. maybe they just work better for others!!

@Shayelle2009 You, like everyone else on this thread, seem lovely! I think at least you know now that he's a bit of a prat. I know the feeling where you feel this spark so rarely and you reaaaaally want it to happen. It's crap when it doesn't. Personally i would review my profile a few times but also have online dating as more of a sideline as it can be such a knock to one's moods. Don't let it consume you.

@BelladiMamma thank you, i do understand why the company decided flexible working wouldn't be right but why waste 4 hrs interviewing me! They knew beforehand that i would need to leave by 5 at latest to collect my children whereas i suspect a single male wouldn't be concerned with staying much later at times. Anyway, i need to find a new strategy!

Thanks @Eesha xx I also think everyone on here seems really lovely and surprised not more of us are meeting people.
It must have been a very backward company as most places are embracing and encouraging flexible working?? Sorry you didn't get it though