Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I think that if I’ve not heard anything by Monday then really I have my answer. I don't believe that any man would be too timid to text, if he’s interested. I learnt the hard way that it’s just not wise to chase a man.
BUT it’s different for you @SpringlikeBunk
as you're waiting for a date invitation. I’m just waiting for a hello!!

@VanGogh- that's a good plan 👍🏻❤️

@Shayelle2009

C’mon on Mr PM! C’mon Mr Mac!!! MESSAGE US ✨✨ (just requesting that via the Universe!)

Mr Mac has 2 daughters .. not sure what age but im guessing younger teens.. maybe he has them for the weekend? His location still hasn't changed on bumble in 2 days so don’t think hes been on it at all.
(So it’s maybe not that I’ve been ditched, maybe he's just busy??)
Most irons I’ve chatted to who have kids don't message when they gave their kids with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

I find it tricky texting or being on my phone at all while DC are with me and demanding attention (most of the waking hours 🤦‍♀️) also do a lot of driving here and there then waiting around at classes etc etc, hard work and thankfully non of my irons get concerned as I voice this to them. Only when I'd accidentally fallen asleep with DC at 6pm one night that I woke to 3 texts off MrM who was obviously concerned for me which I found endearing 🥰

@namechanged9999 and @Shayelle2009 the whole waiting for someone to reply is torture! But one thing I've decided is that if I want to message someone I will, even it breaks the so-called rules. If the last conversation ended with mutual smiley faces, then he may be sat there wondering why you haven't got in touch with him. Or he may have lost interest, or is simply busy - you'll never know, and it's pointless trying to second-guess what he's thinking. Just be you.

If he likes you, he'll be happy to hear from you. If he isn't that into you, then whether you do or don't send a message isn't going to change that.

As for replying instantly - I'd say mix it up a little. Sometimes it's nice to have conversations where you reply instantly, but other times it's nice to just check in with the other person every few hours. Don't play games, but do stuff to make yourself genuinely busy so you're not sat there with a stopwatch ready to reply as soon as x minutes are up.

Also if someone questioned me why I hadn't replied in 6 hours I'd be a little miffed as 6 hours isn't long at all really, and that comes across as a bit needy IMO. If I'm out with friends, or busy with work then I may not check my phone for hours. Also constantly checking whether someone is online on WhatsApp, or looking at your phone for a reply is quite simply torturing yourself. I have to force myself to avoid that by leaving my phone at home and going out for a bit, or turning it off and leaving it across the other side of the room so I'm not tempted to constantly check. I've done the WhatsApp status check with a couple of ex-irons, and it almost drove me insane - it's really unhealthy.

I've decided to take the extreme step of deleting my Bumble and Hinge accounts, and I'm now down to just Tinder with one match. I've been off Bumble for a week now, and will probably re-create myself tomorrow or next week. It was a bit sad deleting Hinge, as I had a number of chats archived, including my first messages to Miss H - but that's all in the past, and it's time to have a fresh start.

As for my terrarium course, it was really good! There were around 20 people there, with a mix of couples and groups. I wasn't expecting to meet anyone, but it was just lovely to get out and do something fun with random people. I've attached a pic of the terrarium I made

@Shayelle2009

Well I'm thinking (no overanalysing or overthinking here, nothing to see.....)

if MrPM has just finished a training course and a "chunk" of work he might need time to recombobulate a bit.

I'd rather he contacts me when he's rested and "ready with a plan and ready to go" rather than just exchanging "hi I'm tired" chat messages if that makes sense?

If he's commuting to me it's 1-2 hours, so it's down to him to see how that fits in with his schedule.

We've had our first meet, seemed to get on well in person, and he knows I like him so it's not really not much more I can do?

If it was before first meet I might do a cute selfie but he knows what I look like now.

Of course he could be shacking up with someone he's met on his training course and I'll never hear from him again!

very nice @TheCatWithTheHat

I want to make one now

#easilyinfluencedBunk

Lovely terrarium! You inspired me to buy a plant for mine so I need to plant that today and rearrange the gravel, moss and crystal.

@TheCatWithTheHat

Try Interpals if you're in London - I'm not there for dates but half the women seem to be set to "messages from men only" so assume they are.

So my date for tomorrow has said the weather's bad and he won't be making it up tomorrow. He then said " we can just do next weekend?"....

No apology...no would this work for you etc.

I'm not even gonna reply, or is that harsh?

@bangheadhere40

How’s he been before this? I agree his tone gives a bad “can’t be arsed” impression but has he been better before?

Just thinking you could either:

• not reply
• just send a vague “sounds great let me know” style message but put the ball in his court to chase/organise over the next week? But don’t overinvest - leave it to him.

spring we haven't chatted much and never met yet!

I was quite pleased he wanred to meet rather than be a penpal.

Luckily I can get childcare easily but if I'd had to sort it all out and then he just bails at tea time the night before it's a bit rude.

I just said no problem at all but I've got a few plans next weekend and left it at that.

Yeh I’d leave it on that basis tbh - he doesn’t seem that enthusiastic and it could screw up your week if you’re planning a meet with someone that flaky?

He said " great just let him know and we can arrange something".

Nah I'm probably not going to bother if he's scared off by a bit of rain!

Wow, @TheCatWithTheHat your terrarium is adorable! That must have been such a fun day and like you say so nice to be out meeting people!! Plus you get the beautiful terrarium to keep forever 🥰 Glad you had a great time! And got rid of sone apps.
Thanks so much for your thoughts and perspective too it’s really great to have a guys view on things. Certainly helps my brain just talking about things on here and learning so much along the way.

@SpringlikeBunk I totally hear you, how long was his course and was it far from home? Did he have to stay in a hotel etc? If it doesnt finish til 7pm that is a very long day isn't it and expect his brain is fried. Really hope you hear tomorrow maybe??

@frankiefirstyear thanks and I know its a lot harder for people with kids to give time to replies and I’m fine with that, it’s just very early days so no idea if he’s with his kids or what.. I just really felt a click which is rare.. but maybe I was just imagining that!! Time will tell.

@bangheadhere40 did you like him much? If you do then maybe be on board but if he’s a dick and you’ve gone off him anyway then no response required lol!

@Shayelle2009

His flat is in one city, works in another "reasonably" near to me (his ship is there), and that's where we met for our date.

And he's in another city for his training course. So I'm not sure if he's commuting back or where to really.

I'm happy to wait a bit as if he's got four weeks off and wants to maximise social stuff it could be quite decent and he'll be all jolly and enthusiastic rather than just "tired afterwork date".

Also... @TheCatWithTheHat the problem is I'm a little old fashioned and not keen on texting a guy breaking the rules kind of thing. I had an iron i really liked and he would reply when I got in touch but deep down he wasn’t interested enough to take anything forward and I wasted my time, so now even though its bloody hard I prefer to sit back and see if their interest is actually there. I think like you yourself, a man will go to that extra effort to get in touch if he is actually feeling it. And if not, then there’s my answer

Tough though!!!

@Eesha I'm sorry it happened to you. And also - they don't deserve you. Their loss, employers like this will struggle to recruit or retain people as so many more people want flex working regardless of gender

@bangheadhere40

Yes I think it's the best way, match effort with effort!

I'm getting excited I have a date tomorrow.. Different for me because we only messaged once or twice before he asked me and we haven't spoken much since, but in a relaxed way... If that makes sense?

But we confirmed today and he's travelling to see me so I'm looking forward to getting to know someone without the texting before hand

Ahh @SpringlikeBunk. So hope you hear from him!!

Chatting on here is 100009% helping with the itchy text fingers 😂😂👍

Haha @Shayelle2009 type your flirtatious messages here NOT to him

Not sure what I’d send to MrPM if I don’t hear by Wednesday

I probably wouldn’t try to be flirty or subtle?

just make very neutral statement like “Hey, how’s it going? Are you on holiday now?”

So I know what’s happening

Good luck @countesskay

I much prefer less chat more meet!

@Shayelle2009 just playing devil's advocate here, but what if he's wondering why it's always down to him to send the first message and has decided to see whether you will get in touch? I also like to know that the woman I'm chatting to is interested in me, and it is nice when they do text first sometimes.

I've stuck to the rules before, waiting patiently for days as I'd sent the last message. Then I'd get a "hey, where have you gone?" type message. So although I've not entirely thrown away the rule book, I have scribbled on the first few pages a bit.

Maybe allow yourself the occasional rule break just to see what happens, but lower your expectations so you're not disappointed if his interest levels have waned.

I think it's absolutely essential to check irons out any way you can - social media, Companies House, Google Maps... but don't tell them! It makes you sound like a mad stalker. I'm clearly of the 'appear sane' rather than the 'be honest' persuasion. It's all about self protection for me though, making sure people are who they claim to be and don't have crazies in the closet. I see it as due diligence. I would never use the information any other way.

I have no irons on the go, which is currently quite refreshing because I'm not wondering where someone's head is at or when/whether I'll hear from them again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you all 🤞