Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@VanGogh- *back right off. Bloody autocorrect!

Going to all those lengths to find you on social media is just weird.

Well, you say that, but then everyone on here says to check out internet dates before you meet them - check their socials, see if you can find them on Linkedin etc. And that's what he did. On here we are told to do that.
I've never done it (I did a bit with MrDecorator because I asked him to quote for the decorating and I just wanted to check he's actually a decorator) and I use a false name and don't tell people my job in order to avoid people doing it - MrNK was only able to as he found my real name via the village FB page.

Had he posted on here "this woman on pof has given me a false name but I've found her photo via a group we are both in on FB and now have her real name, I've checked get FB page and LinkedIn and I can see she has her own business so now I know her home address too*" he'd have been applauded for that, wouldn't he?

(* I also know MrDecorator's address for the same sort of reason).

@VanGoghsDog, yes you're right. We quite often see posters suggesting you check out who you are chatting to. Has there been a motivation from your point of view to keep Mr NK in your circle of contacts since last summer? Has ANYTHING remotely sexual happened between you in that time ? ( sorry if it's not my business) I think he may be seeing your staying in touch , going for the meal etc as a degree of interest from you. If he's misreading the signals that you are hoping to project then it may need you to step back or at least be honest about you dating others. Even if you consider that not a lot has happened with anyone else as yet you are looking to other options such as Mr WG and Mr Decorator etc.
I am a terrible wimp in these scenarios and have only really been totally honest about Mr V in the last few months when lurkers have resurfaced.

This sitting on hands is agonising! Come on MrPM

The paggro side of me wants to make him wait a couple of hours when he does message

"Read but not replied"

He can go on Dadsnet dating thread and complain about me!

C’mon on Mr PM!
C’mon Mr Mac!!!
MESSAGE US ✨✨ (just requesting that via the Universe!)

Mr Mac has 2 daughters .. not sure what age but im guessing younger teens.. maybe he has them for the weekend? His location still hasn't changed on bumble in 2 days so don’t think hes been on it at all.
(So it’s maybe not that I’ve been ditched, maybe he's just busy??)
Most irons I’ve chatted to who have kids don't message when they gave their kids with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SpringlikeBunk, when was the last contact from Mr PM ? Is he the doctor or I am totally mixing him up with someone else's iron ?

Has there been a motivation from your point of view to keep Mr NK in your circle of contacts since last summer?

Yes, I have very few local friends. None nearby. A few women I've become acquainted with over lockdown but can't ask them to do things. So, he was someone to go for a walk with when group walks weren't happening and we could only go with one person.

Has ANYTHING remotely sexual happened between you in that time ?

Since I told him friends only - no. Nothing other than his annoying comments about me being sexy etc. I mentioned teeth whitening (just an amusing anecdote about my friend phoning when I had the strips in and not being able to talk) and he told me off because my teeth are fine and don't need whitening! Bore off!

So, no touching, no kissing, not even gone in a car together, neither been in each others house (Covid is my friend here!).

I think he may be seeing your staying in touch , going for the meal etc as a degree of interest from you

He probably is, because that is what he wants to see. He has ignored me withdrawing. Telling him not to comment like he does. Etc.

I don't think I have initiated contact at all in the past few months.

it may need you to step back or at least be honest about you dating others

Stepping back is what I have done and will now do more until I find the right time to say "I'm not comfortable with being friends as it's clear you have feelings that I don't" or something.
It's none of his business if I am dating or whatever. I feel like telling him that could be seen as an invitation to him!

It sounds @VanGoghsDog like NK is completely smitten with you but quite intense as well... please be careful!

@VanGoghsDog

Going to all those lengths to find you on social media is just weird.

Well, you say that, but then everyone on here says to check out internet dates before you meet them - check their socials, see if you can find them on Linkedin etc. And that's what he did. On here we are told to do that.
I've never done it (I did a bit with MrDecorator because I asked him to quote for the decorating and I just wanted to check he's actually a decorator) and I use a false name and don't tell people my job in order to avoid people doing it - MrNK was only able to as he found my real name via the village FB page.

Had he posted on here "this woman on pof has given me a false name but I've found her photo via a group we are both in on FB and now have her real name, I've checked get FB page and LinkedIn and I can see she has her own business so now I know her home address too*" he'd have been applauded for that, wouldn't he?

(* I also know MrDecorator's address for the same sort of reason).

@VanGoghsDog- I can sort of see your point, and it is good to do some due diligence on irons on social media, but I think finding out your address is going a bit too far. I wouldn't like it if someone did this to me.

From your other posts where you talk about him, you don't seem to be comfortable with this person, so that's a bit of red flag too.

For the avoidance of doubt, Facebook and LinkedIn are good and acceptable ways of researching an iron. However, finding out someone's address just doesn't sit right with me at all.

I’m tempted to drop Mac an icebreaker ‘hope you're having a nice weekend’ text ... but I know id be completely disappointed and peed off with myself if I do that. So I wont.

@Shayelle2009, is the ball technically in his court for messaging you? Are you in a general text ping pong of messages without a specific plan to meet as yet ? It's difficult when you feel a real interest in someone and aren't really interested in pursuing anyone else until you know. There's a variety of opinions on this but generally if I like someone I don't let the momentum dip. And I have found that guys interested in me kept up the messaging, allowing the momentum to build. But equally if it's early days then yes he may well pick back up the messaging once the weekend is over or his DDs are no longer there with him. Put him in the pending pile and get on with your own weekend

@Onesmallstep67

MrPM is offshore and some reserve nato/military/humanitarian stuff

(basically MrC's superior, I'm climbing the ranks here with collecting my desperate lovestruck sailors!

Though not getting very far as they're always away lol)

He's like if MrMilitary and MrC had a child together so basically a combination of my previous irons

We met for one date on my staycation - fairly standard "first date", I suggested a bar close to my hostel, we had a few drinks and food.

He was working on his ship 7am start so was a bit snowed under but came out for dinner and drinks, didn't rush off.

One kiss. He messaged straight away and also instigated a message when I got home as he remembered.

He's not stopped messaging as far as I know, I'm just being needy as I want to see if we can book the second date in! He's on a course finishing today.

Plus if he's really quite free now we can maybe get more time in, I fancy doing like a day out or night away so want to test that idea?

I THINK I slightly prefer him to MrSaw, but I need to do the second meet to see if we actually still get on really?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

For the avoidance of doubt, Facebook and LinkedIn are good and acceptable ways of researching an iron. However, finding out someone's address just doesn't sit right with me at all.

It's hard not to though - my business name is on my LinkedIn account, Google that and it takes you to my website which has my address on. Or as it's a Ltd co it's on the Companies House website. It's a risk when you have a business.

you don't seem to be comfortable with this person,

I'm not now. It's way too much.

Thanks @Onesmallstep67, the ongoing convo we had came to a natural ‘end’ with both of us sending laughing emojis.. he sent the last message. 2 days ago now...
I’ll see what the end of the weekend brings.. might drop him a ‘hello’ monday evening if I’ve not heard anything.
It’s a mare because I SO rarely match with anyone as 9%5% if the men on the apps I don't like the look of.. he’s one of the rare ones I did and we really seemed to hit it off. But I promise I am getting on with my weekend too 😬 in fact just about to crack on with the curry... takes about 3 hours but will be well worth the wait!! 😋

@VanGoghsDog as long as he’s not ramping things up, hopefully he won’t be too much of a pest to distance from?? He sounds like a bit of an all or nothing type!!

@VanGogh- I do apologise- I wasn't aware you had a business. That does clear things up. I understand why he found your address now.

Can't you have a chat with him and explain you're finding things are getting too much? I understand you maybe don't want to rock the boat with him, but it's clear to me he isn't respecting your boundaries. ❤️

@Shayelle2009

Might text him this at some stage

(Probably not)

Haha @SpringlikeBunk we are so like that!! 😬 I mean I can be busy doing 10 other things but still be thinking... ‘why won’t he text’... 🙄 dammit!!

@Shayelle2009

Think I'll do a check in next week if I don't hear anything over the weekend.

As I'm trying to "constrain" my dating a bit more I don't want to just be accumulating guys for the sake of it, so I think I'd rather see if I can do 2nd/3rd date with MrPM than lots of new ones.

Can we be strong together then @SpringlikeBunk as I have itchy texting fingers 😆 I don’t want to message now. Not til Monday at least

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@VanGogh- I do apologise- I wasn't aware you had a business. That does clear things up. I understand why he found your address now.

Can't you have a chat with him and explain you're finding things are getting too much? I understand you maybe don't want to rock the boat with him, but it's clear to me he isn't respecting your boundaries. ❤️[/quote]
I think it's better not to try to talk to him again, he hears what he wants to hear. I'll just ignore him and if he starts asking me to meet up I'll say no, then at the appropriate time tell him being friends isn't working for me, then remove him from FB.

@VanGoghsDog

vangoghs mr NK sounds really creepy. Can you not just tell him it’s a no and block?

I thought I had told him that. Any normal internet rando I would just block but he lives so close to me I kind of feel blocking might make him turn up at my house.

What are people wearing on dates to sit in freezing and wet beer gardens???

Bra, vest, heat tech long sleeved layer or long sleeve t shirt, jumper, wrap type scarf/shawl, padded warm waterproof jacket which zips right up to the chin with a fur collar, infinity chiffon scarf, bobble hat, fingerless wrist warmers so I can hold cutlery, gloves over the top when not eating. And have a spare sleeveless gilet in my bag just in case. And a fold out camping sit mat as sometimes they stupidly have metal chairs which are cold to sit on.
And leggings or long johns under your jeans.

And another wrap for over your legs.....

:)

Me trying to save on extra luggage costs on a flight 🤣🙈

@Shayelle2009

Wednesday for check-in lol. STAY STRONG.

Wednesday!! You're a better woman than me 😅 why that long away though??