Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@30somethingandstillsingle I remember Mr tall too. I'm a bit on the fence about this one. On the one hand I can see he's in a difficult position and I agree that I have respect for the choice not to force his ex into choosing somewhere unsuitable so she can get her stuff. On the other hand, it's only her stuff and I don't see why you can't visit even though it's there? She shouldn't really be dropping by unannounced IMO so there shouldn't be that risk of awkwardness.

@30somethingandstillsingle, what does being able to stay at his freely signify for you? That he’s serious about you ? Why do you feel that you need to take a step back? I read what you say and at only 6 months in I would be happy that I was seeing a decent, consistent guy. In my mind it’s still early days. We’re only just coming out of a restricted period that have made lots of practical things difficult for people.

@Onesmallstep67 yes I guess so. You're right it is still early days and I'm guilty of having been swept off my feet a little.
I think I want actions to match his words, which they do on all other things other than this.
There is a small amount of doubt about his living situation and I think being able to go to his would ease that worry.
There are a few other things such as he suggested going out for a meal with his friend and partner, but suggested another town. I do understand that he lives in a small town where everyone knows everyone and is worried his ex would find out from someone else, but it's just another thing that makes me feel a little unsure.

He is a decent person though, or is when I'm with him. I just have a fear he has this separate life and I am already way more invested than I should be at this stage. Thanks Covid!

Thanks all. I'm not that brave on pof though as I hide my profile and search for who I like! Maybe I'll brave tinder. I couldn't actually meet anyone for a week now anyway as my kids are back with me. Tbh, after a stressful day at work I'm not sure I have the bandwidth for OLD

Oh my gosh @UtterSocks thats really cool mr local messaged you!!! Haha he totally must have heard us 😂😂

Thanks @frankiefirstyear I think its good to be natural, however I dont want to kill it by being too keen. Got to try and be calm 😂😂😍

@frankiefirstyear thank you that's a really mature way of looking at it. I just hope he isn't cooling off and feeling like he's in a situationship

I don’t think I’m ever getting my first date with Mr DrownedCeoliac. I cancelled Monday due to awful weather. (We were planning a beer garden lunch) Which he agreed with totally and he said next weekend. I asked today if he preferred Saturday or Sunday as I’m currently free both but want to make plans to see a friend too and he said he will have to let me know as might be helping his dad with something. 🤷‍♀️ That’s fine but if he can’t do this weekend it will be at least a fortnight before we can meet. I can’t keep up the messaging that long 🤣

@Marlboroandmalbec34

I don’t think I’m ever getting my first date with Mr DrownedCeoliac. I cancelled Monday due to awful weather. (We were planning a beer garden lunch) Which he agreed with totally and he said next weekend. I asked today if he preferred Saturday or Sunday as I’m currently free both but want to make plans to see a friend too and he said he will have to let me know as might be helping his dad with something. 🤷‍♀️ That’s fine but if he can’t do this weekend it will be at least a fortnight before we can meet. I can’t keep up the messaging that long 🤣

That's when I just start sharing playlists and photos of the countryside or my pets. That'll learn ´em for making me wait for a date 😂

This thread moves fast! Glad that people are getting good advice on unresolved situations. I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but doesn't the intro to the thread cover that piece of wisdom anything that you can't talk about because you're afraid of breaking the RS
Basically needs to be talked about for that very reason? Your gut is a powerful instrument- listen to it and learn from it

@BelladiMamma my gut is telling me it's all going to crap bc he hasn't replied to my text in 4 hours and he usually responds ASAP. This coupled with lack of affection yesterday makes me feel something is off. What if he's on another date.

[quote namechanged9999]@BelladiMamma my gut is telling me it's all going to crap bc he hasn't replied to my text in 4 hours and he usually responds ASAP. This coupled with lack of affection yesterday makes me feel something is off. What if he's on another date. [/quote]
Your gut isn't telling you what he's doing, it's telling you how you're feeling. You should be able to explore that with him, in whatever way feels right for your relationship and for you. There is no point in trampling on our own feelings. There doesn't need to be drama or paranoia or jealousy, just checking in to say, hey I'm feeling like I'm having a wobble - how about you? ❤️❤️❤️

Really want my second MrPM date soon Been productive day but just want some man-company.

But I'm sitting on my hands for now as he's still on his training course for next few days and don't know where I'll be on his priority list - I just feel genuinely drawn to him and want to "get on with it" a bit.

Hurry up MrPM! Leave your technicians and come to MEEEEEEE!!!! I want a flirt and a kiss!

(I didn't send that, just typing it here to get it out of my head)

MrPM isn't the best looking guy conventionally, but has that whole manly vibe which makes me feel all

@namechanged9999 I'm no good at the whole "where's this going" as I seem to have done it far too soon eager but if you need some clarification there must be a way to get it without being as full on as I was
The Mr Polo saga continues and I can't take much more rollercoastering so I've decided to step back and match his effort. Two out of our three meets have been instigated by me and it's definitely his turn so I'm going to leave it and see if he confirms our pencilled in plan.
I'll join you in sitting on hands @SpringlikeBunk...

@SpringlikeBunk

MrPM isn't the best looking guy conventionally, but has that whole manly vibe which makes me feel all

Love a bit of manly vibe

[quote Heartbeats0708]@namechanged9999 I'm no good at the whole "where's this going" as I seem to have done it far too soon eager but if you need some clarification there must be a way to get it without being as full on as I was
The Mr Polo saga continues and I can't take much more rollercoastering so I've decided to step back and match his effort. Two out of our three meets have been instigated by me and it's definitely his turn so I'm going to leave it and see if he confirms our pencilled in plan.
I'll join you in sitting on hands @SpringlikeBunk...[/quote]
I find that matching effort concept sooo helpful. It's not your mental load anymore, it somehow frees up space in your head ...

[quote UtterSocks]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards from the other side, as I know first-hand, divorce is fucking expensive and if you accidentally marry a cocklodger, disadvantageous! I drank the kool-aid at 28 and married, coming from a traditional Catholic family and brought up on the idea of a white wedding. It is the biggest regret of my life. If I had only lived with the bastard I wouldn't be in the fucking mess I am in now, where the Form E has me suicidal, the solicitor's fees are obscene and I am in danger of losing things that I worked for to support my family while he pissed around pretending to be a writer. To me, marriage benefits two people - the divorce lawyers for both parties when it ends.[/quote]
My sentiments exactly!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards just wanted to say I have mild CP too, affecting my right side, although I don't suffer regular pain.

I have 2 children, normal births with no intervention needed and was able to do all the regular mum things when they were small, lifting them was a little difficult at times.

I'd say the only reservation is whether you could manage the baby stage alone if sadly you were in that position. But if you have your mum and family around then that sounds like you have a great support network already.

With dating, I had 3 relationships since my divorce, I never mentioned my CP upfront. With me it's more of a limp and a loose right arm, so sometimes people think I've had a stroke.

I've had a few first dates that did he progress, no idea if it was because of the CP, I wouldn't have really cared if it was.

Good luck with Mr Bookworm!

@namechanged9999

Have you looked into attachment theory at all? This literally helped changed my thinking towards relationships and dating in general.

Those of us who lean anxious (often linked to childhood) look for early signs of disinterest, pulling back to alert us to try and keep people around.

A huge part of that is noticing little signs like taking longer to text (I do this all the time!)

What I've learned is that other people just don't think the same about these small details, so while we wind ourselves up with anxiety and stress, they're like 'Oh I'm free now I'll give name change a call/text'

Its well worth researching, fascinating subject

I may have a date on Sunday, I'll call him MrPHD
(he didn't mention this btw I saw in on his linked in when I googled his name!)

I was proud of myself too for being assertive. He asked me out on the app, I agreed, then he waited 24 hours to respond.

When he did, he was like ok great, but no time.

So I said ' I can do around xxx, does that work? but I'll need to know soon as I'm planning my weekend'

Well he answered then in 10 minutes!

My time is, valuable I refuse to hold whole days for people who can't send a quick message to arrange details.

@UtterSocks any update on Mr L?? Have you met up yet 😉😁

@SpringlikeBunk I never find its about looks but their whole vibe in general. A total hotty can turn very unattractive in a second if he’s a twat! However if it’s not someone who would normally catch your eye but their personality shines through WOW it can rock you!!

@countesskay - I was freaking out about nothing. After 3 hours he texted to say he's at drinks and will reply properly a bit later and sent me a kiss. Then he did reply and said sorry he has been so slow and wished we good night and sweet dreams, and good morning in the AM.

I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid lol.

My thing with the attachment issue is that I had a great attachment and still do to my parents , and my childhood was an amazing one. No mommy or daddy issues. However in high school I was nothing short of ugly, always rejected, my bf dumped me for my best friend and I was a total ugly duckling and no man ever liked me apart from a select few. However I really grew into myself and now I get loads of male attention (stopped on street, popular on dating websites, always being complimented), but I still have these rejection insecurities. Also my Bf cheated on me with a lesbian in uni lol.

Anyways, that's my trauma.

[quote countesskay]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards just wanted to say I have mild CP too, affecting my right side, although I don't suffer regular pain.

I have 2 children, normal births with no intervention needed and was able to do all the regular mum things when they were small, lifting them was a little difficult at times.

I'd say the only reservation is whether you could manage the baby stage alone if sadly you were in that position. But if you have your mum and family around then that sounds like you have a great support network already.

With dating, I had 3 relationships since my divorce, I never mentioned my CP upfront. With me it's more of a limp and a loose right arm, so sometimes people think I've had a stroke.

I've had a few first dates that did he progress, no idea if it was because of the CP, I wouldn't have really cared if it was.

Good luck with Mr Bookworm![/quote]
@countesskay ❤️

@namechanged9999

I'm sorry to hear that, it's difficult when anxiety builds from any past relationships

I found the following on Instagram that I keep in case I get to the state where I'm dating again, although I used it with a friend too.

I am very sensitive to changes in the patterns of of friendships and relationships. I have a fear of others leaving that I am working on, but I want to let you know that it comes up for me sometimes so that I can communicate with you about it. Just talking about it makes me feel better. If I am ever feeling afraid of us disconnecting, all I need from you is to let me know that everything is okay between us.

I wouldn't use it in very new relationships, but I think it's useful way for me to explain how I can feel

May I join? dipping my toe in the online world and would value some advice.

I've had 2 dates with someone and after the last date he said he enjoyed it and hoped I did. We talked about meeting again. I suggested it might be easier when indoor reopened,17th May. Since then or as a coincidence he has gone quiet..texting frequency definitely reduced. I want some clarity but not sure how to go about it. He isn't long separated so both of us want to take it slow but my instinct is he is dating someone, which is fine (as potentially I was going to do the same) I just don't want a fade where we stop texting each other. After spending hours together discussing our lives a fade doesn't feel right.

Just not sure how I phrase it so that he feels able to say he has doubts but also without me appearing like I am chasing or over keen on him. Or maybe I just let it fade and after a few weeks block/delete his contact??

I have a few virtual dates lined up and potentially a physical date with someone very local to me..i.e a mile away so not bothered. Guess I would like a definite ending. Appreciate any suggestions??