Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

And for the record, I agree with *@UtterSocks* saying it's too early to talk about things like that. Families always seem to get obsessed with the idea for buying a new wedding outfit

Luckily my family never did and in fact dressed like tramps to any weddings they went to anyway. There was never any discussion about my marital status with my family. But here I am, 53, never married....not in a relationship...... Not sure my experience was better!

@uttersocks no there's nothing that makes me feel uneasy about what he says and does..I've even spoken to my therapist about him and she's said to stop looking for negative signs and to just enjoy it. If it lasts - amazing. If it doesn't, it can still be a positive experience of two people who have amazing chemistry!? I'm just not used to it x

@Misty9

I agree definitely give tinder a go!

I was scared of using it due to its reputation but in terms of sheer quantity of users it has to be done?

Just filter normally as you would other sites - because you swipe before they contact you there’s more pre-screening than pof?

I remember the year I started using it I’d only been using pof and okcupid and I was like “oh! so THAT’S where all the men in my range are!”

Like most sites a lot of guys will match and then not contact or chats fizzle out soon but that’s standard as you will know.

@VanGoghsDog I think my mum wants me to get married ideally, as she is worried about me not having any legal rights to things like a house, for example, if anything happened to a potential partner.

(I know tinder has a reputation as a hookup site but tbh I find the sex pushy guys are everywhere - they “walk amongst us”!

I’m not that sex focussed for dates and I’m still happy to use tinder.

MrPM was a tinder match and for our meet we had food and drinks and he didn’t go in for a kiss or try to invite himself over.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards from the other side, as I know first-hand, divorce is fucking expensive and if you accidentally marry a cocklodger, disadvantageous! I drank the kool-aid at 28 and married, coming from a traditional Catholic family and brought up on the idea of a white wedding. It is the biggest regret of my life. If I had only lived with the bastard I wouldn't be in the fucking mess I am in now, where the Form E has me suicidal, the solicitor's fees are obscene and I am in danger of losing things that I worked for to support my family while he pissed around pretending to be a writer. To me, marriage benefits two people - the divorce lawyers for both parties when it ends.

[quote UtterSocks]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards from the other side, as I know first-hand, divorce is fucking expensive and if you accidentally marry a cocklodger, disadvantageous! I drank the kool-aid at 28 and married, coming from a traditional Catholic family and brought up on the idea of a white wedding. It is the biggest regret of my life. If I had only lived with the bastard I wouldn't be in the fucking mess I am in now, where the Form E has me suicidal, the solicitor's fees are obscene and I am in danger of losing things that I worked for to support my family while he pissed around pretending to be a writer. To me, marriage benefits two people - the divorce lawyers for both parties when it ends.[/quote]
@UtterSocks ❤️❤️

@cravingthelook - top attitude! It seems like you have a lot going on! Waiting for the next installment about your irons with anticipation (pulls up chair, gets popcorn out)

@30somethingandstillsingle - hi there! Sorry I missed your post earlier but sounds dodgy to me (based on my own experiences!) Trust me, it isn't something that gets better if they aren't being transparent about their situation. If you read back you will see I have had the same thing for 6 months with Mr G and it is really frustrating (found out after a few weeks his 'occasionally visiting' ex lived there, then she moved out at Christmas to live at her mum's after an operation but the threat of her coming back is every present, she won't let him sell the house she hasn't contributed a penny towards to get free and he keeps me a secret from her and his kids)

He says he wants a future with me but he isn't man enough to actually do anything about her, it just rears its ugly head and then lies dormant for a bit with him drip-feeding me bits of information then backtracking, promising to take action to sort out his ex when I pull away from him and then retreating from actually doing so when I've calmed down. It's tiring, it's boring and it will end us eventually. But I know the longer I leave it the more it will hurt. Don't be like me, ask him now! Especially if you see a future with him. I don't know what I want for the long term and for now am enjoying him - but if you want a commitment eventually then you need to confront him. Good luck xxx

@UtterSocks I'm so sorry that that happened to you ❤️ just to clear things up, I'm open to getting married one day, but it's not a deal breaker for me if it doesn't happen. Mr Bookworm wants to settle down and one day have a family, and as silly as it sounds because of my disabilities, I really do want a family one day.

I think as long as they want to have a family and settle down, it doesn't matter so much if marriage doesn't happen. I know it isn't the be all and end all, and the most important thing to me is being loved and valued.

I think my mum was just a bit worried in case I got with Mr Bookworm and something were to happen to him, that's all

I almost had a date for Saturday evening but I have sent him the it's not going to work goodbye message.
He was telling me what we were going to be doing, what time I'd meet him etc. Felt really uncomfortable after talking for 1 day that he already was telling me what to do. Not asking me the best place or what time was good but telling me to meet him at X at 6:20 pm

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I almost had a date for Saturday evening but I have sent him the it's not going to work goodbye message. He was telling me what we were going to be doing, what time I'd meet him etc. Felt really uncomfortable after talking for 1 day that he already was telling me what to do. Not asking me the best place or what time was good but telling me to meet him at X at 6:20 pm

Better off out of things like that, @Dancer. ❤️onwards and upwards

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@UtterSocks I'm so sorry that that happened to you ❤️ just to clear things up, I'm open to getting married one day, but it's not a deal breaker for me if it doesn't happen. Mr Bookworm wants to settle down and one day have a family, and as silly as it sounds because of my disabilities, I really do want a family one day.

I think as long as they want to have a family and settle down, it doesn't matter so much if marriage doesn't happen. I know it isn't the be all and end all, and the most important thing to me is being loved and valued.

I think my mum was just a bit worried in case I got with Mr Bookworm and something were to happen to him, that's all [/quote]
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards it doesn't sound silly at all to want a family! And sorry to sound so cynical about marriage - purely my own experience of course, I do know people who have had happy and successful ones. I guess it is just that most of my people now are divorced and single mates and bitter divorced men on dating apps haah!

You are right, being loved and valued is paramount! And I guess loving yourself too so you don't put up with any crap!

Has anyone had any luck with Zoosk? I semi-created a profile a while back & keep getting emails luring me in with what seem like an ok selection of men within my set distance. But of course need to subscribe to respond to messages etc.

@UtterSocks please don't apologise- I know what you meant. Thank you for sharing your experience with me ❤️

I always think people will think I'm silly to want a family because I suffer with CP. Although I suffer from a 'mild.' Form of it, I suffer with horrendous pain sometimes. I always think people with think I won't cope with children in that respect.

I'm very cynical about relationships too. Having been treated badly in previous relationships.

I always think people will get bored and tired of me and go and find someone else.

I have asked him about going to his and he says I can, but he would feel awkward. She's moved back to her parents and hasn't got room for all her stuff...they have one dc and the house is rented, he said he wanted to move to his mums to save money for a deposit on a house.

I've pushed a few times and he does then say we'll come to mine then but he seems awkward when he says it and so I haven't because I think I would be awkward there too.

His friends know about me and I speak to him at all sorts of times of the day which I think reassures me that they aren't together... but maybe she still lives there... I don't know 🤷‍♀️

I think I'm totally overthinking it with my man guys. Argh. We met up yesterday - he held my hand, but didn't kiss me as much as before and wasn't all over me like he is usually. I was on my period to be fair and he knew. Also he kept talking about work bc that's a painful area of his life right now. I listened patiently. I really don't have the guts to ask him if he's going off me, or is just concerned and preocuppied with work. I don't want to sound insane. Like just last Saturday he was saying how he can't wait to see me on Sunday and cuddle me but I feel deep down something has changed on this last date yesterday but also maybe I'm just crazy and he has other things to think about.

Sorry for the rant. He's still texting. Also I left my jewellery at his from previous date and was pleased to see he didn't even hide it and it was on his bedroom side table in plain view, so hoping he hasn't been seeing anyone else.

I feel so ridiculous asking how he thinks this is going given just 2 weeks ago he told me fancies me and doesn't want to see anyone else. Also he talks about going abroad together sometimes but I have this weird feeling He's losing interest. What to do ?

@namechanged9999, it does sound like you are overthinking things. I think it's natural to feel a bit apprehensive when you meet someone that you really like because you want it to work out. I think you should try to focus on enjoying your time with him but be aware of these changes. Any successful RS depends on both people being happy and responsive to each other.

@30somethingandstillsingle What is his wife's plan for her stuff?
They can't live in this limbo state for years.

Has she gone to her parents to save or because she can't afford to rent the property?

If he moved to his parents his wife would have to move her stuff out so why not do it now?

Are they getting divorced or just staying seperated?

He may feel uncomfortable and awkward but I'd want to go round, he may cancel the day before and that would set off alarm bells.
If her stuff is still there and they've agreed he will stay in the property then her stuff should at least be packed into boxes and stored in the spare room.

Can I ask people's opinion about texting?
So I am really playing it uncool with the iron I seem to have clicked with, ill call him Mr Mac. Basically i cant stop replying to him literally within a few minutes.. because I really like him so far. I know you’re meant to try and wait 20 minutes to not appear keen lol....
does anyone do this? Should I be playing it cooler?? I don't want to mess this one up..

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think it is for you to decide if you feel you could cope with having children, but yes I suppose you want an understanding partner who believes in you too and isn't thinking of your CP as an issue in that respect. I hope Mr Bookworm turns out to be a good 'un!

Bloody hell, Mr L has just messaged me on WhatsApp. (Messages from him were rare as hen's teeth when we were having sex so this is unusual!) I think we manifested him by accident on the thread! I must admit I got a heart bump when I saw his name. I just sent a friendly message back asking how he is.

@30somethingandstillsingle how annoying for him, though, being treated like Storage Units! My lodger left her stuff here for almost 3 months after she left and I was livid. In the end I packed it up myself and got my builder to shove it all in the garage. It's still there!

@namechanged9999 it sounds to me like he's settled into the relationship is all and doesn't feel the need to 'performs or you' and the job situation is probably getting him down too, but is comfortable giving you his true self. I think it's progress in terms of relationship.

@30somethingandstillsingle I had some 'weird' dynamics with my XH (not divorced despite being separated for years as can't see the point when neither of us wants to remarry and have no assets to divide etc) as odd as I likely sound, I'd have some respect for a man who didn't demand the ex moved her stuff out right away, also respect to him that he seems to have respect for her belongings too. It isn't always easy finding somewhere to go, especially as covid restrictions have totally exasperated the leggings fees around here anyway, so guessing it's the same everywhere. If it's awkward for him then I'd just try to let it lie if it's not an issue going to your house instead. MrM was faced with an awful task of finding somewhere to live and his ex was quite demanding which meant he had little option me and ended up in a couple of unsuitable properties unnecessarily.

@namechanged9999 - I think folks ebb and flow somewhat in their feelings. It sounds pretty intense, so I think it’s natural there would be some day to day ups and downs. As @onestep says, just be conscious and responsive to what’s going on and try and enjoy it.

[quote UtterSocks]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think it is for you to decide if you feel you could cope with having children, but yes I suppose you want an understanding partner who believes in you too and isn't thinking of your CP as an issue in that respect. I hope Mr Bookworm turns out to be a good 'un!

Bloody hell, Mr L has just messaged me on WhatsApp. (Messages from him were rare as hen's teeth when we were having sex so this is unusual!) I think we manifested him by accident on the thread! I must admit I got a heart bump when I saw his name. I just sent a friendly message back asking how he is.

@30somethingandstillsingle how annoying for him, though, being treated like Storage Units! My lodger left her stuff here for almost 3 months after she left and I was livid. In the end I packed it up myself and got my builder to shove it all in the garage. It's still there![/quote]
@UtterSocks thank you ❤️ I completely agree with what you said about having children. It is something I want, but I think I just get a bit worried about it as there is a bit of a stigma around it, sadly, even though you would think the world has moved on now!

I do get down on myself where relationships are concerned, due to being treated badly by my ex boyfriend. Mr. Bookworm is very supportive, and he has said that he does want a relationship with me, but at the back of my mind? I'm always worried that he'll get bored, especially dealing with my disability.

Sorry I'm on my phone so struggling to quote/tag individually.

I'm not sure what her plan is for her stuff. They agreed when they separated that she and their dc would move into her parents as they have enough space and she couldn't afford to pay the rent on the house alone. It was also agreed that MrTall wouldn't stay there as it seemed unfair that he would get to stay so he said about moving back to his mums but a family member recently passed away and a lot of their stuff is now at his parents house and it's been a difficult time so he hasn't pushed it... and it's suited him as I don't think he really wants to move back to his parents.
But this leaves it in limbo, on the one hand I respect he is treating her kindly and there is not any animosity, and that he doesn't want her popping by to find me there as that would cause unnecessary hurt but on the other hand, I feel like I'm not really a priority and that he isn't being proactive and taking steps to make things change.

I feel like I should maybe take a step back, but I'm not sure what that entails or if I am even capable of doing that, as like I say, when we are together everything feels perfect.

@Shayelle2009 I have never bothered with what I class as playing games. I'm always real with people and don't ever try to impress or act in a way that drives me nuts, I'm just me, I do try to tone down my oversharing though but even this I struggle with 🤦‍♀️ if you are normally the type to respond quickly then I'd go for it I'd say!