Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Misty9 reckon I must have downloaded, completed then deleted both bumble and tinder at least 15 times each now. I think everyone on those apps is sick of seeing my face reappear once again in the pile. 😂😂

"... can attract men but have no comprehension of what they are about once I meet them. I genuinely feel like nobody ever says what they mean or means what they say..."

I hear you there @UtterSocks - I have ASD and a traumatic emotional childhood so although I can analyse situations and pick up new concepts easily, I think sometimes my "emotional readers" are off?

My "social picker" was wired wrong for years, and if people said "do what makes you happy and what feels comfortable" I was like "what does that even mean?"

I guess an overall principle of trying to be both kind and boundaried and kind to myself is important. But it's hard striking the balance.

Especially in dating where there's a lot of mixed messages, potential predators and cocklodgers and lovebombers!

But I'm improving emotionally and socially as I get older.

Thank you for birthday wishes, and lovely cake! My username is a track by my favourite band. A friend has booked us both an immersive VanGogh experience next year, which looks fun!

No, I can never fancy MrSeaOfTwats, bad teeth, over long unkept nails, scruffy grey-ginger hair and facial hair. Unfit. Terrible dress sense. Looks like he needs a wash and a lot of moisturiser!

Very boring way of referring to food, only eats set things at set times, one of which is a daily Huel pack, I mentioned the cheese and he said he only likes one cheese!
But nice to chat to.

Drink with MrDecorator tomorrow evening.

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't been online much. I've been in pain all week and busy with college.

Me and Mr Bookworm are still getting on well. I've had to cancel my Belated birthday meal unfortunately, but I still have plans to take him there when things are open again.

My mum has said she's not bothered about him not being sure about getting married in the future, so that's good news, (not that I'm thinking about that yet) he wants to settle down and have a family, which I really want. So that's brilliant. ❤️

@Misty9 Tinder isn't just for hookups anymore. You will get the odd few headless men with bare chests saying 'hookups wanted' but most are just ordinary guys, worse case if they are rude just unmatch them

@VanGoghsDog

Thank you for birthday wishes, and lovely cake! My username is a track by my favourite band. A friend has booked us both an immersive VanGogh experience next year, which looks fun!

No, I can never fancy MrSeaOfTwats, bad teeth, over long unkept nails, scruffy grey-ginger hair and facial hair. Unfit. Terrible dress sense. Looks like he needs a wash and a lot of moisturiser!

Very boring way of referring to food, only eats set things at set times, one of which is a daily Huel pack, I mentioned the cheese and he said he only likes one cheese!
But nice to chat to.

Drink with MrDecorator tomorrow evening.

Good luck with your date with Mr Decorator, @VanGogh! I hope you've had a lovely birthday 🎂❤️🙂😘

@countesskay it's more that it would be yet more affirmation that the men I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me...!

It's all making me a bit despondent tbh, especially as Mr engineer has gone quiet after saying he hoped our chat was leading to a date but I have a lovely life and I need to remember that wading in the sea of twats is a choice not a necessity. I'm too all or nothing for online dating I suspect.

@SpringlikeBunk

HELICOPTER DICK DANCE

😁

Happy birthday @VGD and here’s hoping mrdecorator is a man with a more expansive appreciation of cheese, both in domes and out. 🎂

Seems like an appropriate time to post this

Why we choose difficult partners

I’m going off to watch the one titled Are You Difficult To Love? now

MrImpressions has just left after being here 3 hours and oh my god my head is GONE! It's only our third time of meeting but it feels like we've known each other forever, we just click!? Is it possible to have an instant spark with someone like this or am I being lovebombed and not spotting the signs! He's amazing x

@havecourage8bekind

MrImpressions has just left after being here 3 hours and oh my god my head is GONE! It's only our third time of meeting but it feels like we've known each other forever, we just click!? Is it possible to have an instant spark with someone like this or am I being lovebombed and not spotting the signs! He's amazing x

@havecourage8bekind no, not at all! It's lovely when that happens. I have the same kind of relationship with Mr. Bookworm.

@havecourage8bekind

MrImpressions has just left after being here 3 hours and oh my god my head is GONE! It's only our third time of meeting but it feels like we've known each other forever, we just click!? Is it possible to have an instant spark with someone like this or am I being lovebombed and not spotting the signs! He's amazing x

Love bombing isn't about clicking with someone it's about being bombarded constantly with more and more OTT and inappropriate expressions of emotion, laced with neediness and 'now I've said this you have to love me back' gaslighting, future faking and general fuckwittery which confuses, exhausts and generally wears you down. It's not serve and return type conversation or emotional connection. It's like someone plugging into your soul and vacuuming the very life out of it.

Well, that's my view of lovebombing

@VanGoghsDog glad you had a nice birthday, that’s lovely your friend has booked that - how nice. I have Starry Sky on my living room (with fairy lights round it of course!) mr SeaofTwats sounds smelly, it’s a shame he’s a scruff. Good luck with Mr decorator, let us know how it goes

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sorry you've had discomfort this week hope you and Bookworm get to meet up soon.

@havecourage8bekind excited for you!! It was reading your good updates that inspired me to ask for help with my profile, and now I’ve got a match I seem to have really clicked with for the first time in months! So hope you guys keep getting on (doesn't sound like lovebombing to me), and please do send me your luck too!! 😁😁

@HairyArsedMan I think everyone is a little difficult in their own way.. especially as you get older? Going to watch that clip now!

Have a good thursday everyone 🌟

Wading through a sea of twats has to feature in our next thread title 😂 agreed though there's not much positive to take from that description @VanGoghsDog
I was going to mention about getting back in touch with Mr L @UtterSocks I do think you made the right call at the time but things change don't they. Could drop a casual line checking in on him? Sorry things haven't worked out the way you hoped with Mr G though.
@Misty9 I wouldn't worry about tinder and it's reputation. I see what you mean about the worrying confirmation but it does seem, generally, to have a wider pool as it's such a popular choice.

Hi Everyone, not sure if anyone remembers me.

I met MrTall on fab back in November, it progressed from a fwb situation to more quite quickly as we just seemed to click in every way.

We've had a great time since then, when we are together everything is great, really can't fault him in that sense.

However, his situation was a little more complicated as he was only just out of a 10 year marriage and at the beginning when it was just a 'fab meet' he did lie and tell me that he was no longer living with his ex. He came clean as soon as it started to develop into more and she no longer lives in their marital home but does come and go occasionally to collect things. I do believe this is true for various reasons, though I've never spent any time at his as I think he feels a bit weird about having someone else there

Anyway, he's talked about moving out, first in January then March and now... who knows. Nothing has happened or progressed, he talked about moving back to his parents for a while to save some money but (genuine) circumstances with his mum has put this on hold, and he has admitted that he's not been very proactive as he doesn't much like the thought of moving back with his parents (understandable).

So all our time is either at my house or out and about- though obviously during lockdown it was pretty much all at mine.
I just don't know what to think. I have strong feelings for him and he the same for me (or says he does and his actions match) I just wonder whether I'm being a bit naive and thinking with my heart more than my head...

Glad you had a good birthday @VanGoghsDog

I remember @30somethingandstillsingle - I'd say, continue but mentally and emotionally guard yourself. Look at it as 'it's everything until it is nothing' - my best friend says that. It's a way of saying not everything lasts forever so enjoy what you have while it lasts.

For me my life is so busy and irons a plenty but I'm not getting invested with anyone. I still want Mr HT but I've stopped trying to 'win' him. I'm investing very little. His loss.

The second date with Mr PM didn't happen last night, he stood me up and blocked me. Fucking twat. He did me a favour.

Mr Petrolhead - was Friday, not sure if he's really interested and playing cool or just keeping me on the line. So I'm just returning the same amount of investment.

Mr Roads, great date on Tuesday, he's a bit smitten and phoned last night.

Mr Orphic - far too far away in reality but wonderful conversation.

Mr Eclectic- also far away and lots of music chat it's nice.

Mr Mechanic - coffee date next Saturday.

I've changed my perspective - I've actually started to realise I'm a catch. If the irons want to see me/get to know me they will. I'm not trying to impress anyone. I'm waiting to see which one makes himself stand out with his behaviour.

@cravingthelook

Glad you had a good birthday *@VanGoghsDog*

I remember @30somethingandstillsingle - I'd say, continue but mentally and emotionally guard yourself. Look at it as 'it's everything until it is nothing' - my best friend says that. It's a way of saying not everything lasts forever so enjoy what you have while it lasts.

For me my life is so busy and irons a plenty but I'm not getting invested with anyone. I still want Mr HT but I've stopped trying to 'win' him. I'm investing very little. His loss.

The second date with Mr PM didn't happen last night, he stood me up and blocked me. Fucking twat. He did me a favour.

Mr Petrolhead - was Friday, not sure if he's really interested and playing cool or just keeping me on the line. So I'm just returning the same amount of investment.

Mr Roads, great date on Tuesday, he's a bit smitten and phoned last night.

Mr Orphic - far too far away in reality but wonderful conversation.

Mr Eclectic- also far away and lots of music chat it's nice.

Mr Mechanic - coffee date next Saturday.

I've changed my perspective - I've actually started to realise I'm a catch. If the irons want to see me/get to know me they will. I'm not trying to impress anyone. I'm waiting to see which one makes himself stand out with his behaviour.

Love this attitude @cravingthelook ♥️

That sounds so fun @cravingthelook and glad you feel differently- it’s a much better place to be in hey 💗

@30somethingandstillsingle i remember you! Are you 100% positive his ex isn't living there or that they aren't together. Perhaps he's just a slowcoach like Uttersocks' guy. Someone who clearly cares but not enough ooomph to get things moving.

@30somethingandstillsingle It sounds like you've never asked why you can't go to his and assume its because he would feel weird about you being there.

Personally I would be concerned about why its always at your house.
Where is the ex living and why does she need to keep coming back for stuff?
Do they have kids?

Surely if they've split and she has moved out then she should have taken all her stuff with her?

Why is he moving out of the property he is in to live with his mum? Surely you'd stay in your own property unless it needs to be sold.

He sounds like a future faker to me.

I would ask to alternate meets at his and see what he says, if it doesn't happen in the next month I'd be thinking he's still married and they're living together.

@Heartbeats0708 yes, absolutely - sea of twats must feature in the next thread title (if mumsnet police don't ban it haha)

I don't know about Mr L - I am definitely wavering. Mr G is still around of course and yesterday he stepped up the ante again and is virtually begging me to go on holiday with him in August. I would dearly love a holiday with him as we are so similar - both majorly into sunbathing, gym stuff, food and drink, and we laugh all the time, it would really be fun - but he basically wants me to book a week off in peak holiday time when it is the most expensive and leave my DD alone here so he can get a break when his kids are away with his ex. Meaning he can go away with me without them actually finding out he has a g/f let alone one he wants a holiday with. God knows how he would explain away the suntan but it just seems shady AF as by the time we go we will have been together 10 months. What will he propose next, a Vegas wedding (but no photos and hide the ring when you get back?). It is verging on the ridiculous! So I have said no and wonder if I need to pull back more (and emotionally, getting back in touch with Mr L would really help that. Plus he is adorable).

Oh dear @VanGoghsDog no, Mr SeaofTwats doesn't sound promising at all! I really don't understand people who cannot even be bothered with their appearance on a first meeting (although a few weeks into my relationship with Mr G he came over and I was wearing my grey joggers and that's when I knew I could relax my standards and he would still fancy me anyway because they are utterly horrendous. Mr Beard and Mr Maniac both used to grumble if I didn't wear a dress and fancy underwear!). Best of luck with Mr Decorator anyway - let us know how it goes!

@Misty9 if you have braved POF then Tinder is a walk in the park, honestly! POF was my first toe dip into the sea of twats cesspool and it horrified me so much I deleted my account after 24 hours, disinfected my phone, had a bath in Dettol and didn't try again for two months (when I tentatively moved to the sedate world of Hinge)

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards thrilled that your relationship with Mr Bookworm is going well. Seems really early to discuss getting married in the future though? How did that come up? (sorry if I have missed a post!) In 7 months with Mr L I never even got up the courage to ask if he was seeing anyone else in case it seemed needy 😂 (you can tell I've been burned by 'having the chat'!)

@havecourage8bekind - aw, really happy for you also. Do YOU think there are any red flag/lovebombing signs? Anything that makes you uneasy? I'm only ever good in retrospect though so am not going to offer advice. Someone sensible and good at dating will be along soon! (actually, I am excellent at one off dating - just horrendously shit at relationships!)

Must get off here and do some work - have an excellent day, all x

[quote UtterSocks]@Heartbeats0708 yes, absolutely - sea of twats must feature in the next thread title (if mumsnet police don't ban it haha)

I don't know about Mr L - I am definitely wavering. Mr G is still around of course and yesterday he stepped up the ante again and is virtually begging me to go on holiday with him in August. I would dearly love a holiday with him as we are so similar - both majorly into sunbathing, gym stuff, food and drink, and we laugh all the time, it would really be fun - but he basically wants me to book a week off in peak holiday time when it is the most expensive and leave my DD alone here so he can get a break when his kids are away with his ex. Meaning he can go away with me without them actually finding out he has a g/f let alone one he wants a holiday with. God knows how he would explain away the suntan but it just seems shady AF as by the time we go we will have been together 10 months. What will he propose next, a Vegas wedding (but no photos and hide the ring when you get back?). It is verging on the ridiculous! So I have said no and wonder if I need to pull back more (and emotionally, getting back in touch with Mr L would really help that. Plus he is adorable).

Oh dear @VanGoghsDog no, Mr SeaofTwats doesn't sound promising at all! I really don't understand people who cannot even be bothered with their appearance on a first meeting (although a few weeks into my relationship with Mr G he came over and I was wearing my grey joggers and that's when I knew I could relax my standards and he would still fancy me anyway because they are utterly horrendous. Mr Beard and Mr Maniac both used to grumble if I didn't wear a dress and fancy underwear!). Best of luck with Mr Decorator anyway - let us know how it goes!

@Misty9 if you have braved POF then Tinder is a walk in the park, honestly! POF was my first toe dip into the sea of twats cesspool and it horrified me so much I deleted my account after 24 hours, disinfected my phone, had a bath in Dettol and didn't try again for two months (when I tentatively moved to the sedate world of Hinge)

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards thrilled that your relationship with Mr Bookworm is going well. Seems really early to discuss getting married in the future though? How did that come up? (sorry if I have missed a post!) In 7 months with Mr L I never even got up the courage to ask if he was seeing anyone else in case it seemed needy 😂 (you can tell I've been burned by 'having the chat'!)

@havecourage8bekind - aw, really happy for you also. Do YOU think there are any red flag/lovebombing signs? Anything that makes you uneasy? I'm only ever good in retrospect though so am not going to offer advice. Someone sensible and good at dating will be along soon! (actually, I am excellent at one off dating - just horrendously shit at relationships!)

Must get off here and do some work - have an excellent day, all x[/quote]
@UtterSocks we haven't discussed it. My mum has! We were talking one night and she asked if Mr. Bookworm wanted to get married.

And for the record, I agree with @UtterSocks saying it's too early to talk about things like that. Families always seem to get obsessed with the idea for buying a new wedding outfit

*of buying a new wedding outfit