Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I've put on my profile that I'd like someone upbeat and positive,but also that I'm not overly active but love a relaxing walk and gardening. I can't remember the last time someone commented on any part of my profile though.
I have a new tinder iron,who apparently I snogged twenty years ago in a nightclub in town! i recognise him and have vague memory 😄 He asked for a phone call after a few messages but I said no,I'd like to ask a few things so I've asked him how long single,any kids,what he is looking for and who he lives with and all seems good and normal.local too,12 miles.

The guy who contacted me on Tinder who says we chatted before, about three years ago, is right because we have now swapped numbers and when I went to put his number in my phone and WA him it said "number blocked, tap to unblock" - I have zero recollection of him. I said "either I have early onset dementia or you disappeared in a sea of twats", he said "it'll be the sea of twats, I've done some work on myself, I'm trying not to be a twat now" - I said "well, I'll let you know".

Meeting him for coffee at a local pub on Wednesday.

@TheCatWithTheHat - I found a terrarium meet up group for you that is looking for members: www.meetup.com/natures-zen-creating-natural-terrariums/

Admittedly it's in Northern Ireland, but you might find they have online stuff or classes.

For those complaining about Bumble - I’m convinced there is something wrong with that App. I keep getting loads of matches who disappear within minutes if matching or who just don’t write back.
I googled and apparently it has a lot of fake profiles and inactive profiles. Im trying match now and the reponde rate is so much better, people stay in my matches and message back.

I’ve got a question - how do you know someone is a sex pest sleaze? Are there warning signs ? Is moving onto WhatsApp too soon a sign ? I’ve now had two guys in a row ask to WhatsApp me - one then sent a dick pick and the other made a very inappropriate comment about stroking my pu**y when I was talking about my cat. Both got blocked very fast. Call me old fashioned but I prefer not to sext complete strangers after a handful of messages.

Should I say no to WhatsApp too quickly? Any other red flags?

Loads of red flags, but too tricky to list them. I don't l move to WA until I feel entirely comfortable, and if I'm not ready I just say no, chat here.

And I don't usually move over until we're due to meet up.

@VanGoghsDog

Loads of red flags, but too tricky to list them. I don't l move to WA until I feel entirely comfortable, and if I'm not ready I just say no, chat here. And I don't usually move over until we're due to meet up.

Yes I think I have learnt my lesson and will do that in future

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk, usually I just choose one and go on it for a day.. then delete it.. maybe I need to just leave my profile up for longer. I usually just swipe through really quickly, get to the end and just delete it. There must be a technique to getting chats. I mean I don't think my profile is horrendous yet I’ve not got one match or chat from opening bumble yesterday. Must be doing something wrong!

That’s funny @VanGoghsDog you already had that guy’s number blocked
Right, I’m going to do a profile relaunch. No more talk of values, or get up and go 😂 ill see if that brings any luck!! I’ll also try and be more patient and not delete the whole thing so quickly. Everyone else seems to be having luck so it must be worth another try..

I’ve put ‘looking for someone genuine, for friendship and laughs’... is that just going to attract creeps.. can anyone help with the wording please?

@Shayelle2009 good luck! I also think fewer pics work too personally. Im definitely not having much luck either but interview this week. Had a match yesterday and a call, this one was beyond successful in my industry (finance), super smart with teams across the world but very much marmite as you might expect when they are at the top. I did manage to get a few interview tips though as you do when you are looking to date. However whilst he is uber keen, i just think this/he would be incredibly hard work and i need to listen to my head for once.

@Shayelle2009 are you only using Bumble? I’m convinced that app has loads of glitches and issues, don’t take it personally.
I would try another app if I were you.

@Shayelle2009 i wouldn't delete immediately, what if you've right swiped someone that hasn't seen you yet? Profile reviews on here can be really helpful, I'm happy to do one for you or one of our resident fellas might step in..?
@Eesha it's always quite interesting what different irons can help you with! I've had one look over my CV for me and another that guided me in my job search one worked out romantically but it made me realise that it's nice to make connections!
Considering a little last minute city staycation a la @SpringlikeBunk at some point, just considering which city to head to (explore somewhere new or go to an old favourite?) and when!

Hi everyone was hoping I could join? I've lurked for a while!

I'm currently dating and looking for some advice if possible?

I have 2 preteens I'm dating and have struggled to be a mum tbh. So I have avoided dating men with children because I don't want to and wouldn't make a good step parent.

I posted on reddit as I was seeing so many posts on tinder where children aren't mentioned, mine are but no pictures.

They were some normal comments then some vile ones. I was delusional for wanting to date a man without children, and I was told to go f* myself!

Is it so bad not wanting to date men with children, bearing in mind that I know the date pool will be smaller and it makes me a hypocrite?

I have dated men without children before for various times, I did mention this, but it angered some posters more!

Hi @Eesha that sounds so exciting on the job front! x

It is bumble @10YellowTulips , could be an issue I guess?

I’ve just opened a tinder one, with just those few words, so will see what that brings..

@Shayelle2009 give it a go, I’m sure it will work better than Bumble.
I’ve bitten the bullet and signed up to match and getting 10x more chats than Bumble. Hoping for a date soon.

@countesskay there was a thread on here a while back on that exact topic. I'd say about 95% of the replies said they wouldn't date someone with kids if they became single again... I can see your reasoning and as long as you accept that will significantly reduce your pool, then I don't see why it's anyone else's business

My chat is amazingly still going. I'll call him Mr engineer. He managed to ask a few questions 😂 back to work today anyway so I'll see some actual humans!

@countesskay

Welcome

Yeh I’m childfree and prefer to date similar but have had a recent problem with “secret children” - ie they don’t mention in profile or have a photo with a mystery child

I guess it’s like most things, just have to screen early on?

I don’t state it in my profile as then I’ll just get messages from guys with children arguing with me and asking me to justify my choice? There’s plenty of app idiots.

I just ask or see if they offer the information early on then detach if they do.

I wish they put it in their profiles though as obviously it’s easier to choose then - some people will only want to date someone with children so it’s much better to be honest?

There’s a good looking guy with a good job who has been around on various dating sites for ages, and most recently I saw he’s put “I have a son IF THAT MATTERS”.

So I get the impression he’s been trying to keep that secret for a while!

@Shayelle2009 - sounds fine. Could put one or 2 things you're interested in 2, eg running, terrariums etc... I'd leave it up for a few days at least also.

@Eesha - I wouldn't say you're judgemental at all. You have to be a bit or you'll end up with a Kidult who likes K-pop. Couldn't resist a google. Apparently it's non-sexual and these kind of fans are called uncles. . I've been on dates with a couple of folks high up in finance, as you say like marmite. Seemed to like the idea of dating outside the finance world but perhaps not the reality of a different mindset. I also wondered with the inevitable disparity in income would be an issue. Good luck with your interview.

@countesskay - I don't think everyone with kids is looking for step parents or to blend families. In some ways easier to date non-parents just because they have more time... But as @Misty9 says, it's not really anyone else's business. Was it 95%? . That doesn't bode well.

@DudeFromThatLondon OMG! You mean this old person obsession with a particular girl band is a THING....eeeks. Im glad you did the googling rather than me....he's actually a prominent journalist in some respects so perhaps nothing untoward. Not my thing though.

Yes, this latest high flyer appears to want to wine and dine me and possibly 69 me which would be perfectly fine if i didn't foresee choppy waters. Apparently 80% of his teams hate him. You know the mean CEO you wonder if anyone could actually date him, yup that's him i think.

Fingers crossed for my interview, off to buy a suit that isn't from the 90s Working Girl style.

How did you find out 80% of his teams hate him @Eesha ? Did he disclose that ?

@HairyArsedMan Yes, but i think he was trying to sell that 20% thought he was great! Definitely hard work/Marmite and im not looking for that!

I guess you're inevitably going to ruffle a few feathers as a CEO but I'd want my 80/20 split the other way around!

@cravingthelook oh god I hope it’s not the same one 😂😂 I’ve got no time for that rubbish. Sat in my car in the car park now waiting for him to arrive - inwardly cringing at how nervous I am 🤦‍♂️😂

Decided to keep things lighter with MrPM and not go for the (NON-SEX) hotel suggestion and will just suggest we meet for lunch and dinner etc.

My new theme is just enjoying the dating/meeting process? And sex often feels like fast-forwarding intimacy.

If we get on really well I do want to get out to the country for a bit so might suggest we do that together if he has free time.

Seriously thinking of calling it a day with MrG (AKA MrPosh). After quickly arranging another date after the last one, he told me something has come up and he can't now make it (it is something important and I know he can't rearrange it).
On friday morning I sent him a message to say that's fine and gave him 3 other dates/times i'm available - he's read the message and been online, but I've heard nothing since?!

So i'm now sat here wondering if I have plans for the weekend or not. I only get 2 childfree weekends a month and it's a Big birthday for me on monday so I'd really like to make plans to go out. I've drafted a "I think we are looking for different things" type message and debating whether to send it.

He was the same arranging the first date - he told me how busy he was and was squeezing me in between other commitments, like I was a business meeting or something!
I go from convincing myself he doesn't fancy me when I don't hear from him for days, to getting long interesting messages from him where he talks excitedly about trips and days out we can do in the future together.