Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Shayelle2009

Does your profile say much about you *@BelladiMamma*? I’ve kind of said a bit about me.. and a bit about what I'm looking for. Not too wordy, not too sparse. Tried bumble today and probably swiped right 30 times before it got to the end... no matches. Not sure what else I can do? Got a good selection of 5 decent pics.

What sort of location are you?

I think I went for a slightly radical (for me) profile, which says something like
Happy, solvent & busy - searching for same
Must love:
Dogs, the great outdoors, gigs, theatre, film
Preferably has children or understands childcare commitments

Before I was a bit too 'soft' as a profile whereas I tried to create one that wouldn't invite sex hounds, cocklodgers or time wasters ...

Im south east england..
Mine says that I’m looking for a genuine, hard working guy who has values and get up and go and who likes being out and about.. that I’m a londoner now loving the country life, and be great to meet someone with similar interests. Then ticked a few of the things it lets you choose as interests.
Maybe it’s too wishy washy? I don't know?

I'm starting to think that I'm really boring and not memorable. Paid for a days pass to see my matches on bumble And I have seen 10 matches that I have either spoken with or gone out on dates with.
Either they are all just swiping right and then filtering or I'm just not memorable. Or they are trying their luck again.
Mr Lovebomber is on there with a fake name and age. I don't know how to report a fake profile without matching

@Iamclearlyamug interestingly I also had a dinner date with an A&E dr who drove an hour each way to take me out.
It turns out his complicated situation was still living with his ex so there was no follow up.

There's a consultant currently chatting to me, he seems a touch know it all and he's older so there you go.

Out of the 6 date zeros last week only one will be a second date. I think I named him Mr PM. On Wednesday maybe, but there isn't a defined plan yet. No plan no date. I've made it clear I'm not doing flaky or last minute.

I've got maybe 3 or 4 potential date zeros next week. I'm not expecting anything from them.

I'm sitting on my hands to not contact Mr HT

@Shayelle2009

Im south east england.. Mine says that I’m looking for a genuine, hard working guy who has values and get up and go and who likes being out and about.. that I’m a londoner now loving the country life, and be great to meet someone with similar interests. Then ticked a few of the things it lets you choose as interests. Maybe it’s too wishy washy? I don't know?

I'm told the main thing is the photos. Do you have a couple of male friends who can help you choose?

This is my week off work and the weather is dire and you can't go inside anywhere! So miserable.

Date with MrDecorator was fine, walk in the drizzle. He paid for my car parking so I bought the teas. I like him, fancy him a bit, I mean, he's not hideous or anything. He's quite sweet.
Goodbye kiss he tried to land right on my mouth but I wasn't sure so turned slightly to the side.

He's very keen now though.

After I got home he said how much he'd enjoyed spending time with me (much of which was standing under trees trying not to be too wet) and if I was bored to "come over". Well, as MrWG was my bubble yesterday.....it's difficult! It's literally illegal.

I expect he'll come up with a plan soon. Oh, news though - he's not divorced! Split seven years, live apart, she's living with a new bloke but he's just never got round to it. Urgh. Doesn't bother me in itself but men who don't get round to stuff like that are annoying (I'm sure women are too but I'm not expecting to be in a relationship with one of them!).

I wrote a 14 part blog in the voice of a gecko for his website this afternoon. He's really pleased with it. And amazed I did it, only took about an hour. I'm quite pleased with it. If anyone wants to read it, pm me :)

Ok....

MrPM left it at agreeing to come to my city when he's off next week.

He said just tell him what time and where and he'll turn up, so I'll see how that goes. He said he's off for four weeks.

Is it a bit weird to suggest he books a hotel if he wants to stay late and drink?

Just that if we go to an evening date - which is more "date-like" - I'm not hosting him but it makes things a bit more relaxed with timing. So he's not having to get a late night train after drinking.

Hotels are dead cheap in my city and he could get a good deal and he's not got any childcare or financial issues as far as I'm aware.

It seems a bit forward suggesting he books one in advance but just so he knows he's staying the night in advance?

@SpringlikeBunk

Ok....

MrPM left it at agreeing to come to my city when he's off next week.

He said just tell him what time and where and he'll turn up, so I'll see how that goes. He said he's off for four weeks.

Is it a bit weird to suggest he books a hotel if he wants to stay late and drink?

Just that if we go to an evening date - which is more "date-like" - I'm not hosting him but it makes things a bit more relaxed with timing. So he's not having to get a late night train after drinking.

Hotels are dead cheap in my city and he could get a good deal and he's not got any childcare or financial issues as far as I'm aware.

It seems a bit forward suggesting he books one in advance but just so he knows he's staying the night in advance?

I don't think you need to suggest it ... if he's forward thinking he'll sort it himself & then there won't be any pressure on you to stay over?

@VanGoghsDog

This is my week off work and the weather is dire and you can't go inside anywhere! So miserable.

Date with MrDecorator was fine, walk in the drizzle. He paid for my car parking so I bought the teas. I like him, fancy him a bit, I mean, he's not hideous or anything. He's quite sweet.
Goodbye kiss he tried to land right on my mouth but I wasn't sure so turned slightly to the side.

He's very keen now though.

After I got home he said how much he'd enjoyed spending time with me (much of which was standing under trees trying not to be too wet) and if I was bored to "come over". Well, as MrWG was my bubble yesterday.....it's difficult! It's literally illegal.

I expect he'll come up with a plan soon. Oh, news though - he's not divorced! Split seven years, live apart, she's living with a new bloke but he's just never got round to it. Urgh. Doesn't bother me in itself but men who don't get round to stuff like that are annoying (I'm sure women are too but I'm not expecting to be in a relationship with one of them!).

I wrote a 14 part blog in the voice of a gecko for his website this afternoon. He's really pleased with it. And amazed I did it, only took about an hour. I'm quite pleased with it. If anyone wants to read it, pm me :)

I'm always a big one for immediate chemistry especially if there's a clash of teeth at kiss time - call me shallow but I'm out 🤣 ... well not entirely but it's generally noted and I always think a bit of a foreshadowing...

Thanks @BelladiMamma yeah I’ve got some male pals I could ask.

@BelladiMamma

Thanks - I'm not sure if he'd want to suggest the hotel as he's very complimentary but quite "correct" - I sort of had to give him some encouragement for my goodnight kiss.

(It was very good, btw).

So might think HE was being too forward

I'll suggest two options maybe - he can either come for a shorter date or make a night of it.

I'm not really thinking about if/when any sex if happening

just that it can ruin the flow of a date if someone is having to run to catch the evening train after drinking!

And if he's made the commute up, he might want to chill out and enjoy walking around a new city rather than go straight home if he's on a month's leave.

(I think it might be nice to chill out in a hotel and have a coffee or something rather than drinking outside, but having him back at mine is a bit "too much too soon")

@SpringlikeBunk

(I think it might be nice to chill out in a hotel and have a coffee or something rather than drinking outside, but having him back at mine is a bit "too much too soon")

I totally hear you! I think I'm just a bit cautious now with my signals. I do prefer coffee in a hotel and not rushing anywhere. But obviously depends on who that coffee is with of course 😀

I'm always a big one for immediate chemistry especially if there's a clash of teeth at kiss time - call me shallow but I'm out 🤣 ... well not entirely but it's generally noted and I always think a bit of a foreshadowing...

I don't understand this comment, sorry. There's been no "clash of teeth". What is that, is that an expression? What do you mean about foreshadowing?

Lol @BelladiMamma yes I know!

I kind of just want the most optimal solution for organising so we can maximise date time and have a bit of a romantic intimate vibe, but not too "sex focussed"?

And wandering around all day sightseeing is nice but a bit "taking your aunt on a day out" kind of vibe.

He did the whole "send me details and I will turn up" thing German so has an orgasm at the sight of a schedule

so I'm stuck with the details.

@VGD - voice of a gecko?

Just came across a profile with a picture of 3 potatoes, that is all. They were washed though...

@Shayelle2009 - think values is a bit ambiguous, do you mean old fashioned? I'm sure you don't, but maybe something on what kind of values. Also get up and go sounds like if you're relatively normal, that might not be enough for you? So I would probably rule myself out as I'm not obviously a go getter, although would count myself as active. But obvs you may as well be upfront if the go-getting thing does it for you.

Thanks @DudeFromThatLondon.. actually a guy did ask me once what I meant by values. I kind of mean someone with morals you know, standards.. I’ll have a think about rewording it maybe. By get up and go I just mean no couch potatoes just someone who likes to be out and about / active.

@VanGoghsDog

I'm always a big one for immediate chemistry especially if there's a clash of teeth at kiss time - call me shallow but I'm out 🤣 ... well not entirely but it's generally noted and I always think a bit of a foreshadowing...

I don't understand this comment, sorry. There's been no "clash of teeth". What is that, is that an expression? What do you mean about foreshadowing?

Sorry maybe I got the wrong end of the stick! I thought it sounded like you didn't enjoy the kiss. Apologies if I misunderstood

@Shayelle2009

Sounds awful but I hardly put anything on my profile nowadays! As I assume most people just go for the photos. I ask questions during chat.

Sometimes I type something really banal and neutral like "looking to meet new people, enjoy coffee and drinks"

I guess I just think so much can be misinterpreted or taken the wrong way.

Like if someone says they're looking for "someone intelligent" or "someone fit" or "someone who likes X" then they'll get lots of people thinking "hang on, do I meet that standard or not? are they going to dismiss me if I can't run marathons or read Chinese?"

(and it doesn't really work as a filter - if I type something like "no hookups" then I just get hookup guys asking "why no hookups?")

@Shayelle2009 I am happy to look at your profile and pics. And I am sure others would be too. It's a good exercise to see what someone unconnected to you sees and interprets from your profile. Maybe one of the guys too ?

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk I always really like your advice on here. I’m taking all these comments and advice onboard.

Can I ask how many photos you all have on your profiles? Is 5 too many / not enough?

Sorry maybe I got the wrong end of the stick! I thought it sounded like you didn't enjoy the kiss.

There wasn't anything to enjoy, or not. He went to kiss me as a goodbye kiss and I think he went to land on my mouth but I turned slightly to the side, more like a friend kiss so it was just at the side of my mouth.

I'm really wary of the covid rules - I spent 4 hours indoors with MrWG yesterday and kissed him on the (closed) mouth goodbye. You can't just go around kissing loads of people in the middle of a pandemic.

Re profile words - I had nothing in Tinder as I find writing on apps quite annoying, and don't think you can use Tinder on laptop, but last week I did write something like "I'm 5'6", medium build and I'm looking for someone to spend time doing things with and doing nothing with".

I find 'values' too vague - people all have different ideas of what are good values. Also, if you talk about people being get up and go types I think 'nah, I'm a sit on the sofa type', but I may well be far more get up and go than a lot of people, I just don't know.

But then, I do seem to spend a lot of time trying to rule myself out of profiles!

Thanks @VanGoghsDog. Listening to all the advice and thoughts here!!

@Shayelle2009

Thanks I'm convinced I enjoy analysing dating more than dating lol

I have about 3-5 photos, I think? I'd say 3 is Ok.

As long as they're recent and flattering and accurate I think that's fine - mine are all selfies as I've hardly socialised much last few years!

Maybe you just need a week or so break from the apps if you've been swiping lots - give the system time to reset a bit and bring up new people to match with?

I think we discussed this earlier on the thread but there do sometimes just seem to be "dry periods" where no-one is chatting but it's not your fault!

I've found only being on the app for a few days to be better for my emotions and stops it feeling stale.

Got a nice message from MrPM so I'll reply and ask him what he wants to do