Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

[quote Misty9]@BelladiMamma only since this morning - not a great sign is it?! [/quote]
🤦🏻‍♀️ not sure what to say ... what are these guys doing even signing up if they've got nothing to say?!

My thoughts exactly...

So I did ask exactly that (what do you want to know about me?) and he replied with a list 😂
My response includes 'someone who communicates well'...

The " meeting the dc " issue is a tricky one. We have 5 dc between us. Mine are university and 6th form age, his are primary school age.
We are 15 months in and still haven't introduced.
He's definitely more wary than me , party because his are young.
We are going very, very slow though.
We're definitely more cautious than most i think

@TheCatWithTheHat the secret to Steve Arnott’s success with women is his beard surely? 🤣 I would shag him in a heartbeat 😉

Actually I do remember reading an interview with Martin Compston about why Steve wears waistcoats and he said “because he’s the overdressed prick in the office who has all the affairs” Which coincidentally was my Mr Beard who also wore waistcoats (he had the most vulgar dress sense ever AND a boy racer car with personalised number plate). So my taste in men is obviously heinous and totally at odds with my good socialist scruffy hippy self 🙄😳😂)

@havecourage8bekind and @BelladiMamma, your irons/relationships sound fabulous. That’s what we all want isn’t it? Inspiring to know it is out there - so happy for you both!

@Misty9 oh dear ... do you know what though, some men are just boring and monosyllabic! I’d move on if I were you. Can you spend a nice day pampering yourself and enjoying having some free time? Oddly I often find myself at a loose end on bank holidays even though life is hectic at other times. I suspect everyone is at B&Q or something! Or maybe making Terrariums like @TheCatWithTheHat 😉🌱🪴

I’m off to the gym then spending the afternoon doing worthy things like cleaning and sorting the spare room. It’s raining here or I’d go for a run.

Hope you all have a good Bank Holiday whatever you get up to x

Oh and @VanGoghsDog, hope your walk with Mr Decorator goes well xxx

@UtterSocks he hasn't replied so I don't think I'll chase it enjoy the gym. I have a bit too much free time to myself to appreciate it really, especially since ending things with Mr B! I'm currently filling out divorce documents...but will find something less depressing to do later

[quote havecourage8bekind]@frankiefirstyear wow really.. Ive never experienced anything like this before! We stayed up til 3am, then wide awake again at 6:30 talking some more. I've heard people talk about this kind of chemistry but I thought it was nonsense to be honest!! X[/quote]
I'd definitely describe as 'movie love' tbh. I'm not sure if you've DTD yet but I was a bit flat after the first time because of our chemistry (which has always been there during about 8 years of vaguely knowing each other), think I expected fireworks and the Earth to stop spinning 🙈 but it quickly improved and now is 💥
We did have an almighty wobble, where we had both been swept up in the tornado of chemistry, which hurt me a lot at the time but in hindsight we were able to calm our pants and actually think straight about where we are heading.
We're back to the bliss now though 🥰 and when we are together, the rest of the world melts away.

@frankiefirstyear yes we've DTD..I was expecting the first time to be a bit clumsy as you get used to what the other person likes but it was amazing! So amazing it happened again three times after and we barely slept haha!! X

[quote havecourage8bekind]@frankiefirstyear yes we've DTD..I was expecting the first time to be a bit clumsy as you get used to what the other person likes but it was amazing! So amazing it happened again three times after and we barely slept haha!! X[/quote]
🤣🤣 well that's a good start then!! 👏

@Clovertoast

The " meeting the dc " issue is a tricky one. We have 5 dc between us. Mine are university and 6th form age, his are primary school age. We are 15 months in and still haven't introduced. He's definitely more wary than me , party because his are young. We are going very, very slow though. We're definitely more cautious than most i think

It's whatever suits each couple / relationship/ likely or desired outcome. It's not on the cards yet for us too but as we wanted to start socialising as a couple we had to think about it. As in, will your kids mind if I've met your sister / their aunt? Will my kids mind if you've met my Dad / their grandpa? So how do we handle it?

@havecourage8bekind 🥰🥰🥰

We met through OLD a month ago. Been meeting twice a week, DTD. He told me he really likes me and asked what I want. I think we agreed to be exclusive? But not sure. That was 2 weeks ago. So been meeting up ever since and have met some of his friends. He doesn't call me his GF though. Is that weird?

@namechanged9999

We met through OLD a month ago. Been meeting twice a week, DTD. He told me he really likes me and asked what I want. I think we agreed to be exclusive? But not sure. That was 2 weeks ago. So been meeting up ever since and have met some of his friends. He doesn't call me his GF though. Is that weird?

Hmmm 🤔 I don't have strong views on being called someone's girlfriend. How old are you both? I'm 50 and actually it would make me chuckle to be called a girlfriend. But it's all down to preferences. Sounds like he's been giving all the right signs around commitment? Is there anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable?

@namechanged9999

I'd have a light discussion about it but not worry too much about the "girlfriend" label for now?

I think exclusivity would be the key thing to work out - especially if you're physically intimate?

I used to COMPLETELY HATE having these discussions but they do make a lot of sense

Just start an open discussion, like "so, how do you think it's all going with us? Would you say we're going steady? Are you looking to meet new people or happy with seeing where things are with us?".

If you want to be exclusively dating just say it outright - I don't think it's a big ask to want someone you're having sex with to be the only person they're seeing?

@BelladiMamma I'm 31 lol. I just don't know what we are. Are just dating? Exclusively dating? He is constantly texting and he always says he really likes me.

[quote namechanged9999]@BelladiMamma I'm 31 lol. I just don't know what we are. Are just dating? Exclusively dating? He is constantly texting and he always says he really likes me. [/quote]
All the signs are good and yes you definitely got into the 'girl'friend category. 😀. So you've just got to be brave and have the chat. It'll be fine

Wow how is everyone here having such good luck, meeting great irons and having these connections? I dont even have 1 match, no chats, nothing 😔 so disheartening 😥

@namechanged9999 You need to be clear on what you are, if you can't remember if you've had the exclusive chat then you need to bring it up otherwise you're leaving yourself open to a whole world of hurt.

Constant texts and him saying he likes you a lot doesn't mean he isn't doing the same to others.

There is a lot of options between dating and a relationship, you need to know where you are.

A few threads ago I posted 4 questions everyone should have answered so there is no ambiguity, I'll see if I can find it.

Can I join? Quietly dipping my toe back in the water so to speak after splitting with my knob of an ex in February. So we’ll call him mr a&e (because he’s an a&e doc obvs) and he’s driving over an hour each way just to take me out for lunch tomorrow. Good chat so far, good banter, let’s see 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️😂

@namechanged9999 Here is my post I wrote for someone:

Nowadays the questions you meed to ask to establish things are IMHO:

1. Are you on the apps? You may need to expand on this as he may think having a profile but not logging in means he is off it. Also is his profile hidden or deleted?

1. Is he multi dating? Not multi dating doesnt mean you are boyfriend/girlfriend, it just means he isnt dating others?

Does he envisage he wants to multidate now or in the future?

1. Are you exclusive? This is different to the boyfriend/girlfriend question. Is he chatting/flirting/sexting/emotionally or physically intimate with anyone else?

Some people think exclusive is sexual exclusivity but I think sexting others is not an exclusive behaviour.

1. What are you? Casually dating? Going with the flow? Boyfriend/girlfriend?

Lots in between all those too.

1. For further down the line....what do you think is cheating? Years ago I never thought I'd have this conversation with someone but after my husband emotionally cheated I felt I should and so Mr K and I had the chat once we'd had the exclusive and boyfriend/girlfriend chat. It was important for me (and him actually) that we had similar views on what constituted cheating and what was acceptable behaviour.

Think about what you want now and in the future and your answers to those questions and then ask him.
If you're intimate already then questions 1 -3 are perfectly fine to ask for now.

Question 4 can come later or if 1 - 3 go well.

[quote SortingItOut]@namechanged9999 Here is my post I wrote for someone:

Nowadays the questions you meed to ask to establish things are IMHO:

1. Are you on the apps? You may need to expand on this as he may think having a profile but not logging in means he is off it. Also is his profile hidden or deleted?

1. Is he multi dating? Not multi dating doesnt mean you are boyfriend/girlfriend, it just means he isnt dating others?

Does he envisage he wants to multidate now or in the future?

1. Are you exclusive? This is different to the boyfriend/girlfriend question. Is he chatting/flirting/sexting/emotionally or physically intimate with anyone else?

Some people think exclusive is sexual exclusivity but I think sexting others is not an exclusive behaviour.

1. What are you? Casually dating? Going with the flow? Boyfriend/girlfriend?

Lots in between all those too.

1. For further down the line....what do you think is cheating? Years ago I never thought I'd have this conversation with someone but after my husband emotionally cheated I felt I should and so Mr K and I had the chat once we'd had the exclusive and boyfriend/girlfriend chat. It was important for me (and him actually) that we had similar views on what constituted cheating and what was acceptable behaviour.

Think about what you want now and in the future and your answers to those questions and then ask him.
If you're intimate already then questions 1 -3 are perfectly fine to ask for now.

Question 4 can come later or if 1 - 3 go well.[/quote]
That's a great list. You're aptly named, @SortingItOut 👍🏻

@Shayelle2009

Wow how is everyone here having such good luck, meeting great irons and having these connections? I dont even have 1 match, no chats, nothing 😔 so disheartening 😥

I had nothing like this much luck last time I was on the apps. I got a couple of friends to help me refresh my profile and changed some of my preferences and then relaunched on 2 apps

Does your profile say much about you @BelladiMamma? I’ve kind of said a bit about me.. and a bit about what I'm looking for. Not too wordy, not too sparse. Tried bumble today and probably swiped right 30 times before it got to the end... no matches. Not sure what else I can do? Got a good selection of 5 decent pics.