Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

At last MrDecorator has asked me to meet up! Walk in country park on Monday.

Another Tinder guy has asked to meet for coffee "as friends", no idea why, but have said yes. Think he thinks I won't like him, but he seems OK.

Another two matches tonight, one exchanged three sentences then told me he can't wait to wake up beside me. 🙄 I just replied "FFS", and he unmatched me, quite rightly.

Supposed to be seeing MrWG after tomorrow's walk but as he's not responded to my last text which was Tuesday he'll need to be pretty compelling if he gets in touch tomorrow!

I think I've got a terrarium. Is it a glass thing with gravel, moss and an air plant thing in it? If so, I do. Though the air plant died so now it's just a glass thing with gravel and miss/grass stuff.

*moss

I think it’s now a mossarium @VanGoghsDog

@DudeFromThatLondon

I think it’s now a mossarium *@VanGoghsDog*

@DudeFromThatLondon

I think it’s now a mossarium *@VanGoghsDog*

Lol! At least it's something!

I’m intrigued by @VanGoghsDog’s Tinder guy who tried it on, and then unmatched himself when he had no joy. Faint heart never won fair maiden and all that, I think he could’ve at least walked back on that when he realised it wasn’t going to wash.

@GaraMedouar I’m the same age, similar age child, looking for a similar not living in each other’s pockets but still a relationship thing. I know where you’re coming from - there are not that many in a similar position to this. I see quite a few profiles from women around my age saying they rule out anyone with young children as theirs have left home.

Sorry if it seems like I’m minimising your anguish but I would say that two dud dates is perhaps too soon to be throwing in the towel. Maybe you can see it as part of the process that teaches you to home in on the right profiles ?

I’m intrigued by @VanGoghsDog’s Tinder guy who tried it on, and then unmatched himself when he had no joy. Faint heart never won fair maiden and all that, I think he could’ve at least walked back on that when he realised it wasn’t going to wash.

It's odd, isn't it? Usually blokes say "just kidding" when they say something like that and it doesn't land well.

The preceding exchange was very minimal, a couple of how are you, how has your day been. He then went straight to "how long have you been single" (amber flag, out of nothing like that).
I said "about ten months. You?"
He replied "twelve"
I said "years?" (Obviously I knew he meant months, just thought it was funny)
He said "no, months. I can't wait to wake up next to you".

Weirdo.

My date was a spark free zone, shorter and chubbier i would say than expected but we got on really well and had a 5hr walkathon. Won't be meeting again unless friends. Im glad we met sooner rather than later! London was rammed though, no real signs of lockdown.

I also have an interview this week so im hoping for better success there as i think it will be a big turning point in my life post children.

I agree that not living together is completely different to dating indefinitely. I think society has a lot to answer for in the way people still see it as that. Of course you do sometimes see - on this board for eg - people who are being kept very much at arms length by someone they see as a partner - but there can be commitment without cohabitation.

My first date with Mr ItchyFeet yesterday went ok. No obvious spark but loads to talk about, very gentlemanly, no issues at all with my mobility/stick (though we walked about 2 miles so that was me at my best really). I think as encouraged on here I'd see him again, maybe something... cosier than a busy city centre dodging the crazy anti-vax protestors marching all over the place! I would previously have forced things a bit but Covid perhaps has meant I had to be a bit more in my own space and I'm maybe more patient now.

Mr NoPlans responded to my suggestion of next Sunday with 'maybe, it's a contender'. So I'm going to stop suggesting times/days.

Had my outdoor eating date last night with Mr hair - I wore layers and a big coat and it wasn't too bad but my fingers were frozen 🥶

We got round to talking about marriage at one point so I confirmed again that it is definitely not something I would ever do. Hes more on the fence about it and said its not something he's looking for but wouldn't rule out. So I think my following it up with confirming that I also like my own space, do not intend to ever live with anyone again, have no intention of ever merging families, finances etc wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear although he didn't actually comment what he wanted save to say hed been going along those lines with previous girlfriend- which I knew which I why i felt I should raise it. So my cards are now on the table

Commitment without cohabitation is probably a good way to sum up what most of you want on here.
I think it's a reality at the later stage of "dating " isn't it ? We've done marriage, had kids, so we aren't working towards those goals. ( or don't want them)
What we are working towards is someone who is " ours " someone who we can be a team with I guess.
I seem to have inadvertently found that with Mr P.
We have 5 dc between us, although mine are about to go to uni and 6th form whereas his are still in primary school. We can't merge lives and families even if we wanted too but we have discussed what we are to each other, and I think we have the above.
If I'm honest he's absolutely adamant he would never marry again but it's because of finances ,not a need for space etc. He often says he feels lonely and misses me on the weekend we don't see each other because he has the dc.

I think my biggest issue is wanting people to accept that although we don't live together he is very much " my " person, my other half etc. Society seems to think that unless you are married or cohabiting your Relationship isn't serious. Whereas there is a shift, certainly in people who are late 40s early 50s who are bruised and burnt that would argue that living apart together is just as serious and something to aim for.

Morning everyone. Still following these threads

Slothmomma - glad date went well despite the cold!! And yes as you say you’ve put your cards on the table - and had a good discussion.

Clovertoast - that is exactly what I am looking for actually. It definitely gets more complicated when you are older and have children and assets etc. I can’t see me living with someone again but if I do I will definitely get legal advice on how to do it the best way. I have no money but I have a house - and I want my house to go to my kids when I die.
But apart from that anyway I think I still like my own space a lot of the time. I may feel differently when the kids have all left home. But that’s not for another 10 years or so for me ……

@Eesha were you warm enough in your tights?
A shame there was no spark but better to know that early on.
Good luck with your job interview.

@Clovertoast I would say the shift happens much earlier, generally when a long term relationship/marriage ends.
I was 37 when I split from my husband and knew then that I wouldn't live with someone again, I married young so at 37 had 17 years of marriage already.
I'm hoping that in time Living Apart Together becomes more normal and society doesn't view those who live apart as less committed.

@GaraMedouar When I first split from my husband my DD was 15 and stayed with her Dad in the week as he lived closer to her school and me at weekends and my son was at Uni. I loved it, having the house to myself with no one else to think about was great. It was a struggle when my son came home in the holidays as I had to adapt.
Now my daughters been with me pretty much full time for 18mths and my son finished Uni nearly a year ago and the house feels so crowded.
My daughter is off to Uni in September and my son will probably move out within a year and I'm looking forward to time and space. Obviously Mr K will come round still but not too often and the rest of the time I will be just me - I can't wait😁

Haha @SortingItOut - I know what you mean. My univ student son was home from around Nov until a couple of weeks ago!! Not that I don’t love him but I was delighted that he’s gone back down for the last six weeks.

My DD has just been picked up by her dad (for a few hours - I only get a few hours off on a Sun - otherwise she’s with me 24/7). Other DS is in bed and won’t emerge until the afternoon! So I’m just about to make a cuppa, have some smoked salmon and lemon on brown bread and watch a DVD (a 15 woohoo which I can’t do with DD). Bliss

Enjoy your few hours @GaraMedouar🙂

Mr Paddleboard texted this morning to wish me a happy birthday and to see if I had heard back from a job interview. It was a no from them but I already knew that and didn't think I was the right fit. Hoping for positive news next week about the jobs the recruiters contacted me about.

Feeling a bit down about it all today. I got woken up at just gone midnight from a call from my dad who I haven't spoken to in 2 and a half months. My sister hasn't remembered. My supposed best friend gave me a card on Friday that she picked up on the way to see me, I made a huge fuss of her on her birthday.

The lovely @cravingthelook sent me flowers I arrived home to yesterday in my favourite colours 🥰 which really cheered me up and means more than she will probabaly realize.
This birthday has taught me who cares and who just thinks about themselves.

Going to try and pick myself up and make the best of the day. Going to go out shopping with my mum as she wants to treat me to a few more bits and exchange a skirt she bought me as it's too big.

@Dancerinthemoonlight happy birthday! Those flowers are gorgeous ❤️

Happy birthday @Dancerinthemoonlight 🎂 thats really sweet of Craving ☺️. Hope your birthday turns into a happy one x 💫✨🌟

Committment without cohabitation is a good way of putting it and something I'll work towards when I'm ready to settle down again having too much fun yet
Agree with @SortingItOut that, in my experience anyway, that it post a ltr or marriage ending. I'd been with my exdh for the best part of 15 years but split shortly before I turned 30. It puts me in the minority in terms of not wanting to merge lives for my age group but I openly admit (here at least) that my experience has damaged me and I won't be going there again for a very long time, if at all.

@Dancerinthemoonlight Happy Birthday 🎂 🥳 - lovely flowers indeed - enjoy your day and hope you buy something nice x

@Dancerinthemoonlight Happy Birthday🎂🥳
Those flowers are lovely. Hope you have a great day with you mum.

@Heartbeats0708 I can so totally understand you. I'm dating but don't want anyone near my house, with their toothbrush or socks there.

I spent 10 years with ex and divorced at 31. Currently 31, to clarify.

Happy birthday @Dancer. Those flowers are gorgeous ❤️

I'm still feeling a little rubbish, unfortunately. I've had terrible aches and pains all week. What's even worse is having to tell Mr. Bookworm about it, because I don't want him to end things with me.

I've got a video call with him today, so at least that's something to look forward to.

I just feel like I'm in a black hole with my disability sometimes and I can't get out of it. Sometimes I feel bad for Mr Bookworm as well, because if we get into a relationship, he'll probably have to deal with this.

@SortingItOut yes i was really cosy but i definitely think Sainsbury's sizes are smaller than expected. It was a really nice day but we were from different worlds i felt. Thank you, i really think this job would be good for me at present! Now off to ponder what people wear these days as suits feel dated.