Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

It seems we all have different definitions of casual/ serious. What would make it easier on these sites is it the options are clearer :

• always live alone / date indefinitely
• date with desire to live together one day
• looking for immediate settle down

Etc...etc....something a little more self explanatory than casual / relationship.

@bangheadhere40

It seems we all have different definitions of casual/ serious. What would make it easier on these sites is it the options are clearer :

• always live alone / date indefinitely
• date with desire to live together one day
• looking for immediate settle down

Etc...etc....something a little more self explanatory than casual / relationship.

True

Then the cocklodgers would have nowhere to hide 🤣

🤣 i normally find number 1 or 3s , I just want a 2!

@bangheadhere40 - ooh , any 1’s - (late forties/50 , South coast ) send them my way - I’ll swap you ….

I don't think being in a relationship but not living together is "indefinite dating".

My last relationship was a year, we didn't live together, but we definitely weren't "dating".

I've learned meeting and dating and communicating and giving it time is really the only way to suss out what the other party is like, how you mesh, etc.

I've probably banged on about this a million times, but I'm personally very wary of the initial "casual" label?

I think like most women I'd say it means that I just don't want to live together/blend money and social lives/meet parents soon and want to focus on career.

A lot of men, especially on apps, see it as "we only meet and communicate if it's very sex-based".

I've learned not to say "I'm not looking for a boyfriend immediately" as the next line is then "what time can I come round to put my penis in you!".

We do still live in a fairly sexist society unfortunately - even off the apps it's assumed a single woman is "desperate" or "up for anything" with "any bloke who will have her" and although I wish it wasn't so, there's still a long way to go there.

I also think the whole "Bridget Jones" stereotype with most women allegedly desperate for "commitment" even if it fucks up their own lives to be frequently weaponised by cocklodgers?

Sounds really cynical but I do often look at potential relationships in terms of assets/time/resources

as often I think guys who are too pushy for commitment early on are looking to gain financially or practically from the situation!

They communicate in the language of emotions, but are planning in the language of getting a hardworking intelligent woman to provide for them!

Hi all,

Just checking in. Love seeing all these dates being organised

I've felt really crap all week with aches and pains and what's even worse is having to burden Mr. Bookworm with it. Sometimes I get scared and worried that he's going to get fed up of all my aches and pains and end things

@SpringlikeBunk

I also think the whole "Bridget Jones" stereotype with most women allegedly desperate for "commitment" even if it fucks up their own lives to be frequently weaponised by cocklodgers?

Sounds really cynical but I do often look at potential relationships in terms of assets/time/resources

as often I think guys who are too pushy for commitment early on are looking to gain financially or practically from the situation!

They communicate in the language of emotions, but are planning in the language of getting a hardworking intelligent woman to provide for them!

Yes, I hear you. Such an inverted and wrong appropriation of the gold digger cliche when actually it's guys who are guilty of it!!

Thanks @Eesha and @Heartbeats0708

I think a few years ago I tended to "go at the pace of the bloke" and then a few months later was like "what the fuck am I doing in this interaction?".

Now I've learned that new guys come along all the time (not being arrogant and of course it takes some filtering. B

But even not using the apps much I'm finding a couple new interesting ones regularly?) and I don't need to have that "pin someone down ASAP" mentality?

MrSaw is hot but also I think if I'd stayed over last night he'd be "doing his own work thing and not communicating loads" and I'd be feeling a bit out of sorts.

As once I've crossed the "sex threshold" I think things become different?

So now I'm just chilling out solo, going to hopefully arrange MrPM coming down to see me, holiday being hosted by a guy friend I met on POF, and hopefully see MrSaw another time.

Personally, I don't really think that far ahead when I first meet someone. I agree with Spring in that only spending time with someone lets you figure out what you both want.

I think some people just want to leap into a ready-made relationship without the initial getting to know each other stages which I just don't get. Those first 6-12 months of getting to know someone are meant to be exciting and fun - why spoil it by thinking about boring stuff like who moves into whose place, and which bank to set up your joint account at?

I just think that for me, if I meet the right person, things will fall into place and as long as we're reading the same book, we'll eventually end up on the same page.

But at the moment the library shelves are bare! I've just deleted my PoF account as the matches it was sending were utterly depressing. I've also had a clear out of Tinder matches, as I'm so fed up of people just sending one line replies, and not asking me any questions.

@TheCatWithTheHat

Can you get any non-dating stuff planned in now we're unlockdowned? Take advantage of your situation.

Get yourself a staycation booked in like me and check out a new city on the cheap? I've paid hostel dorm prices and have been the only one in here most of the week!

@SpringlikeBunk I'm trying to - I want to spend a fair bit of time preparing for this interview in just over a week, and I've also just booked myself on a Build your own terrarium course next weekend! Plus I'm trying to get out walking more, and take more photos around London.

I'm a bit fed up with dating at the moment, so will let that take a back seat for a while and just try to do stuff for me.

I want a 1! Please share any decent men who fall in that category in central/southern Scotland my way, please 🤣😉

Ooh @TheCatWithTheHat I love a terrarium! Post a photo when you make one.

I'm happy to pass over 1s....if anyone would pass me a 2 please as well I would be most grateful ( north of England... anywhere really 😆).

@SpringlikeBunk Me too! I'm more excited about making one next weekend than I am about any of my matches at the moment! Maybe I'll just settle down with my terrarium and live happily ever after

I had to google terrarium …..

Do love a terrarium. Although my head has been recently turned by a mossarium. Do post a photo @cat.

[quote TheCatWithTheHat]@SpringlikeBunk I'm trying to - I want to spend a fair bit of time preparing for this interview in just over a week, and I've also just booked myself on a Build your own terrarium course next weekend! Plus I'm trying to get out walking more, and take more photos around London.

I'm a bit fed up with dating at the moment, so will let that take a back seat for a while and just try to do stuff for me.[/quote]
Absolutely love this. These are the sorts of things I'd love to have time for! Instead weekends are filled with games like find the ever disappearing (toy infested) floor, and cut-the-grass-in-under-100-start-stopping-the-mower musical statues pets/children/toys edition.
Hope you have fun and also would love to see the end result!

Love a terrarium. Ah, I'd forgotten the delights of OLD - one guy replied then seems to have thought better of replying again after checking my profile again, one guy is sending clipped one sentence answers to questions, and one hasn't replied at all! Meanwhile I'm attempting not to fall into the hole that is thinking it's all a validation (or not!) of my whole being 😂

What's the difference between a terrarium and a mossarium? Look the same to me 🤔🙂

@bangheadhere40

Mossarium is only containing Moss as far as I know (which sounds dull but actually can be very beautiful as @DudeFromThatLondon says)

I think there’s also a Vivarium which is slightly different again and everyone knows what an aquarium is.

I didn't realise there was so much love for terrariums here - I'll definitely post a pic next weekend :) Terrariums and salsa dancing - I think I'm onto something here

I can really feel the difference in my mood when I do non-OLD stuff for myself, and when I go back on the apps. I took myself out to take some photos at sunset this evening, and really enjoyed it. Then checked my phone when I got back, and instantly felt deflated at all the likes I'd got from people the other side of the world, or totally not my type.

I think you'll find your gold mine with enjoyable, real, live activities tbh cat. If I had any spare time, I'd much prefer to meet guys at that sort of thing than online.