Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

[quote Eesha]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards haven't you only recently started talking to Mr Bookworm though? Personally if i like someone, i only really chat to them till im sure i don't like them if you know what i mean. Your mum probably just wants her daughter to be happy and not get hurt again. She wants you to have a happy ever after, like my family does with me. But they don't really understand how it is to navigate online dating and how sometimes it's hard to even find one decent chat let alone loads!!! I think enjoy your time with Mr Bookworm and meet him sooner rather than later. He seems lovely.

@cravingthelook congratulations on the job offer!! It definitely boosts the confidence so well done.

I have a OKCupid date tomorrow which will be a walk through town and my dilemma is my legs are my nice feature and im determined to wear a dress. But i can't bear the cold either. Clearly 1st world problems. We have been chatting a week and get on really well so i am meeting sooner rather than later. He's not my usual type in the sense not a super tall, left leaning nerd with issues, but he's confident, chatty and has his head screwed on. Im sure we will get on regardless of any physical attraction. However i still want to look super sexy as its the first date I've had in a while![/quote]
@Eesha thank you for your post.

I've been taking to Mr. Bookworm for about a month.

We've discussed meeting up, but haven't said when and where yet. I'm going though a bad patch with my CP at the moment, So I don't think now is the best time as I don't want him to see me in pain.

I can talk to him about my disability, and he's researched it a bit, but I don't want him to see me when I'm feeling bad.

I've only got hurt previously as my ex was a complete flake.

Yes I know what you mean @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards about initially keeping it light - if you watch First Dates they make the dates confess all their really intense details by main course

But personally I think that’s the WORST strategy for dating - draws in predators, and you get trauma bonding and the initial interaction is just too dramatic?

I think the one couple who went the distance on first dates (will and fran) had a very boring, slightly dull dinner - but that’s how it should be, not telling your deepest darkest secrets?!

@SpringlikeBunk

Yes I know what you mean *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* about initially keeping it light - if you watch First Dates they make the dates confess all their really intense details by main course

But personally I think that’s the WORST strategy for dating - draws in predators, and you get trauma bonding and the initial interaction is just too dramatic?

I think the one couple who went the distance on first dates (will and fran) had a very boring, slightly dull dinner - but that’s how it should be, not telling your deepest darkest secrets?!

@SpringlikeBunk exactly 👍🏻

Good luck @Eesha

Think I may have a date next week, I'm a little cautious for certain reasons but for now am having zero expectations and it will be nice to actually get out.

Let's call him Mr Muscle.

I like the fact he's asked to meet - very refreshing for me after flake after flake and those who just want a pen pal.

@bangheadhere40

Good luck *@Eesha*

Think I may have a date next week, I'm a little cautious for certain reasons but for now am having zero expectations and it will be nice to actually get out.

Let's call him Mr Muscle.

Good luck @banghead 🤞🏻❤️

@bangheadhere40

Good luck *@Eesha*

Think I may have a date next week, I'm a little cautious for certain reasons but for now am having zero expectations and it will be nice to actually get out.

Let's call him Mr Muscle.

Is he a skinny vest wearing chap offering to help with the chores ?

I had a go on that Photofeeler website a while back but only recently discovered the comments. I wish I'd found them sooner because they are amongst the nicest things anyone has said to me, about me. So sometimes random internet folk are not so bad after all.

HAM haha no it's slightly worse than that, but I'm keeping an open mind. That reminds me of a guy I spoke to ages ago, he had a weird fetish that he liked cleaning and was asking me if he could come and clean my house!!!

Glad you got some nice comments, most of mine say I looked 'bland' or blurred....😆

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Thank you *@BelladiMamma*. I can talk to Mr Bookworm about my disability, but I don't want to meet him when I'm like this ❤️

I understand it's quite a personal thing illness sometimes. And being in pain isn't great for a meet up. I also think it's something just to be aware re trauma bonding as PP. Ihave chronic asthma and recurrent chest infections and that has been used before as a trauma bonding / I'm going to look after you / control you thing. Of course this isn't to say MrBookworm is this way inclined but just a thought in general. I think PP (@SpringlikeBunk?) have been excellent on boundaries and sharing things too soon with irons

Thanks @BelladiMamma. I'm sorry to hear that

Unfortunately, the type of cerebral palsy I suffer from affects my movement and walking, so I can't really hide it. If I'm really getting to know someone, (like Mr. Bookworm) I like them to be aware of it, because people can be cruel and I wouldn't want to feel judged.

I wish I'd found them sooner because they are amongst the nicest things anyone has said to me, about me

Ah, that's nice.
Nearly all of mine said smile more, or smile seems forced, or prefer a different expression, prefer different hair (prefer a different person then!). But one said "I'd date them!" And I liked that.

I do, of course, try to forget that the comments are templates.....

My date today never got back to me this morning to confirm,after seemingly keen last night.I waited until midday then unmatched him.
Onwards it's always good to meet early but you seem to have a good thing and are happy with it so that's all that matters. Is it a romantic connection or more friendship? Is he wanting to meet or quite happy just with chats.
I watched first dates last night and one woman's story was so harrowing that I went to bed thinking about it. I thought that was quite alot for the date to take on.
Good luck Eesha and everyone else having dates this weekend

Bit worried both MrSaw and MrPM might want to date exclusive sooner - they both give the vibe of being very much at the “I’m busy and sorted in other areas of my life so want one woman to prioritise”

When I’ve had the MrC and MrMilitary the situation I didn’t think either of them ticked ALL the basic compatibility boxes (MrC wanted children and MrMilitary immature and couldn’t host and long distance would be a nightmare with someone that flaky). And I think that was there for them too.

So I thought of it more as dating with feelz but with a time limit.

But both MrSaw and MrPM actually seem like they tick the “nice intelligent manly but slightly geeky no kids thirty something man with own place” box I wanted for a steady bloke - MrPM has a flat that’s actually reasonably close to where I’m doing my postgrad, is used to travelling lots to visit friends etc. And MrSaw is just a short flight away.

Need to just be honest about how I feel and put myself first whilst being kind, rather than get tied up in knots - if I need a few months to decide then I need a few months. They’re free to multiple date as well.

@kerkyra

My date today never got back to me this morning to confirm,after seemingly keen last night.I waited until midday then unmatched him. Onwards it's always good to meet early but you seem to have a good thing and are happy with it so that's all that matters. Is it a romantic connection or more friendship? Is he wanting to meet or quite happy just with chats. I watched first dates last night and one woman's story was so harrowing that I went to bed thinking about it. I thought that was quite alot for the date to take on. Good luck Eesha and everyone else having dates this weekend

@kerkyra sorry to hear about your date. That's awful behaviour.

We have a really good connection and have both spoken about it hopefully becoming something more serious. I would love to be in a relationship with him.

I do really want to date him properly, but I don't think that it would be fair on either of us to do it right now with my CP the way it is. Also I think it'll be better when restaurants and bars start doing indoor dining again. I don't want to have to sit though a date freezing my backside off!

@kerkyra

Yeh it’s mental with the flaking - I always do a check in text now and don’t assume it’s on till they’re actually there in person !

Yes First Dates I imagine the producers manipulate the situation or get them drunk or encourage them to overshare or wind them up before or something

but it’s not emotionally healthy going into that much depth meeting a stranger for the first time, or indeed on national tv!

It should be “we get on and they have ok mannerisms and are attractive and practically a good match, so let’s plan a second date”

not “I heard his story about his family tragedy and it matched mine and we both wept, it must be true love”!

I agree spring, it felt wrong last night as the woman had been through the unimaginable(tsunami). My heart broke for her.
Sounds like you have great options 😊 oh for the days of having options! Like you say,put yourself first,no rush and see what pans out whilst being honest and kind.

@SpringlikeBunk - short flight could end up being be a bit of a pain?

Good luck all those with dates this weekend. Am meeting up with iron who looks rather different from profile photos. Been chatting a few weeks though so likely end up as a friend-zoning.

I had an ex once who likened me in a “humorous” moment to the guy from the mr muscle advert . @HairyArsedMan - for every troll maybe there’s an anti-troll.

@DudeFromThatLondon

That’s a good point - I won’t be on a surgeon salary so if it’s a £60 every month that’s a bit much really

I actually think for my lifestyle having a bloke I’m with who is “outside” my world so being able to just chill out and visit them in a different city might work well though?

Sort of like a break from student social intensity for a while - they’re intelligent enough to “get” where I am, but also quite detached?

I’m visiting MrSaw tonight - he asked what I wanted to do so I said I’d just drop in and see what happened.

He said that if I want to come over and just use his spare room one weekend that’s an option so if tonight goes well I might come and do that next meet?

MrPM said as he’s on leave next month for me just to set a time and date and he’s all mine.

Lol it might sound “good” having two lovely seemingly emotionally available men to date but actually I really don’t want to be a dick! MrC and MrMilitary were very sex driven and fancied me but not hugely emotional?

Though they’re attractive guys I’m sure they have options.

No sex with either so I’ll hold off for a while.

Just spoken to Mr. Bookworm. We're having another video date on Sunday afternoon

@SpringlikeBunk - Yeah I think that comparmentalised kind of thing can work well, depending on life stage and all that. I had a friend with a partner in Bruges, she was quite annoyed when he came back.

Lol @DudeFromThatLondon yes MrSaw is on call but around this weekend and tbh I just want to sit in a cafe by myself rather than spend all day with him? I’m so used to having my own routine even a really decent attractive guy is hard to fit in!

(Yes, thirty something single women can be tough customers )

@SpringlikeBunk

Lol *@DudeFromThatLondon* yes MrSaw is on call but around this weekend and tbh I just want to sit in a cafe by myself rather than spend all day with him? I’m so used to having my own routine even a really decent attractive guy is hard to fit in!

(Yes, thirty something single women can be tough customers )

You've just voiced my shameful truth! I am very very fond of Mr Bear but I am so used to my own space I am looking forward to the Netflix and chill phase of the relationship 😀 where we can just sit and watch telly together / quietly ignore each other 🤣

Just checking in and have caught up with thread.

Have seen Mr hair again this week and we have a date tomorrow night too - a freezing drink outside somewhere 😁

I'm overthinking again and worried he seems keener than me as I've never had that - even my ex dh of 2 decade cheated on me and left for ow. Really trying to take it day by day and not look too far ahead. Do need to have the conversation with him though about not wanting to ever live together, merge lives fully etc in case that is something hes ultimately looking for

@Slothmomma

Just checking in and have caught up with thread.

Have seen Mr hair again this week and we have a date tomorrow night too - a freezing drink outside somewhere 😁

I'm overthinking again and worried he seems keener than me as I've never had that - even my ex dh of 2 decade cheated on me and left for ow. Really trying to take it day by day and not look too far ahead. Do need to have the conversation with him though about not wanting to ever live together, merge lives fully etc in case that is something hes ultimately looking for

Wishing you the best of luck, @Slothmomma 🤞🏻❤️😘

@Springlikebunk @Slothmomma Not sure I'll ever merge again too much. Just like my own space too, as do DC. If it ever does come up, I'm going to present living-apart-together as the Swedish model. (source: a Swedish friend).