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Original poster

I want a dog and DH doesn't

169 replies

iwantadogdhdoesnt · 25/04/2021 14:24

Here goes ..... I really, really want a dog. I'm an animal person and always have been, it's integral to who I am. DH is not. I would do 100% of care for said dog. When pressed he says maybe towards the end of the year we can get a dog but not now. On occasion he has admitted he's just not a dog person so I fear his just not now actually means never (he said he wanted to get engaged for 8 years before he actually asked me so he has form for delaying)

The back story - we have had a serious conversation about this twice now. I have ended up really upset and have said I don't think this is just about the dog. I think this is indicative of a power imbalance in our relationship. Whether he admits it or not, he earns all the money, I'm a SAHM and there has been a subtle shift over the years that he has the final say on a lot of things (always disguised as a discussion though).

We are in the perfect spot to get a dog, kids old enough to be sensible but also desperate for a dog, financially very secure, I'm at home all day and we have a great house/garden for a dog. This keeps coming up (as I keep looking at digs for sale) and I'm increasingly feeling a lot of resentment that his wants trump the rest of us. Thoughts please? (And before anyone says it I've had two interviews last week and I'm headed back to work part time ASAP)

OP posts:
BlueDahlia69 · 25/04/2021 19:41

Get the Dog.

Ditch the Husband. ☺️

Poorlykitten · 25/04/2021 19:44

Please don’t. Do not get a dog unless everyone is onboard. It’s just not fair and will cause resentment in the long run.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 25/04/2021 19:45

I love dogs. DH has become a dog lover too (said he would draw the mine at picking up poo!)

Operasinger · 25/04/2021 19:54

@SmiledWithTheRisingSun

LTB
Grin
Operasinger · 25/04/2021 19:54

@BlueDahlia69

Get the Dog.

Ditch the Husband. ☺️

Grin
Dacquoise · 25/04/2021 20:01

Confirmed dog lover here but I say to anyone considering it you really have to appreciate what is involved. It's like having a toddler that is totally dependent on you for 15 years. They bring you a lot of enjoyment but also a lot of heartbreak.

I lost one of my dogs last year and the other one is now in her twilight years and has terrible arthritis in her back legs and dementia. She is absolutely pampered but we can't leave her at home for any length of time, she can't go for walks and we won't consider a holiday until she's gone. I have spent thousands of pounds on vets bills for both dogs because pet insurance gradually excludes all the conditions they eventually end up with. I don't see her as an inconvenience, this is what I signed up for but your husband might.

If you not both on board with the time and expense of pets I wouldn't go there. It's not fair on them. Dogs are pack animals. They know if they're not liked and an irritable person around them will make everyone suffer.

TedMullins · 25/04/2021 20:06

I do (reluctantly) agree that everyone has to want a dog. It isn’t fair on the dog to be in a house where one person will resent it. But I do wonder how you ended up marrying someone who doesn’t like dogs? I’m single, but I have 2 dogs, and wouldn’t even date someone who doesn’t like animals (made sure I got the dogs before being in a relationship 😂)

Skyla2005 · 25/04/2021 20:09

I don't think you can expect him to live with a dog if he doesn't like them but different if he does like them and just digging his heals in because he would probably end up bonding with the dog I love dogs and will always have one a house just isn't a home to me without a dog I love everything about having one. I couldn't be with someone who didn't like them or didn't want one as they are so important to my happiness. I guess you need to work out if it's important enough for you to leave the relationship

Skyla2005 · 25/04/2021 20:13

@anyoldname76

Go out for a walk for an hour morning and night and see how you feel about it after a year, whatever the weather or occasion. Dogs are a huge responsibility. Will you be happy to do everything that comes with a dog or will your enthusiasm tail off after a bit, I love dogs and so does dh but they are restrictive and it costs a fortune when we go on holiday as ddog doesn't settle in kennels.your DH is not being unreasonable, not everyone is a dog lover
That's not going to work as the most enjoyable thing about walking is being with the dog. I love walking my dog but I wouldn't go without him it would be boring and no point. There's nothing better than walking along with your best friend at your side knowing you are giving him what he loves !
TheVolturi · 25/04/2021 20:17

I didn't really want a dog. Dh and the kids did. We have got a 5 month old shih tzu and he's the best thing ever, he's the easiest dog to have around. We always had terriers in the past but our new pup is the best. Plenty of energy when needed but happy to chill /potter. Lovely nature too.

TheVolturi · 25/04/2021 20:18

And he doesn't moult, at all!

sunflowertulip · 25/04/2021 20:27

My husband had young dogs when we met. I don't mind dogs but would never have chosen to have them. I loved those dogs and sobbed when they died but I still have said no way to another. When they're old and have accidents when you're out, then what, he leaves it? When you want to go out for the day, you're not going to expect him to even give it a fuss or take it out? I wouldn't want one under those circumstances as either the owner or the partner, just wouldn't be fair to the dog or either of you.

I did help a lot with the dogs, was part of falling in love and marrying him, but I wouldn't chose to do it again.

category12 · 25/04/2021 20:32

I didn't want a dog but got convinced into it.

I cared about him and cared for him, don't get me wrong, but I didn't enjoy him. I'm not really suited to dog-ownership.

It's such a big commitment, I don't think it's fair to anyone to rely on the non-dog-lover "falling in love" with the pooch.

I would never have another.

DanglingMod · 25/04/2021 20:35

Pets and children are always vetoable.

If one person doesn't want one you can't get one. It's massively unfair to expect someone to live with an animal if they don't want to (or have a child or more than they want).

Dh wanted one child, I wanted two. We have one.

Dh wants a dog, I don't. We are not having a dog. I would leave him if he brought a dog home, I feel that strongly.

SarahBellam · 25/04/2021 20:55

What if he said ‘I want to move my mum in (or my best mate, Roger, for 12 years. They’ll be no trouble. I’ll do all the looking after them...’. What would you think?

LivBa · 25/04/2021 22:59

@NioRT

If he doesn’t want one, don’t do it. I convinced my DH to get one and it has caused an absolute shit storm since. I wouldn’t be surprised if he leaves me over it, it’s that bad.
@NioRT Surely you'll rehome your dog rather than have your marriage break up Confused. As lovely as dogs are, is a pet animal really more important than your marriage?
BBOA · 25/04/2021 23:14

We have a COVID puppy- now 12 months old- and DH didn’t want a dog but cracked after years of pressure. We did fish, still got a rabbit (now 6) as a puppy plaster, and he gave in at the start of COVID. He’s not a dog person but walks her the most! Takes her out every lunchtime and in the evening with me. Did have some big arguments when we had a big vet bill early on and same again recently but wouldn’t be without her and the main thing we do together.

Mittens030869 · 25/04/2021 23:33

My DH wasn’t sure he liked the idea of having a cat when we met, but he didn’t have a choice, as I already had one. (I now have 3 cats and he does actually like them, although he will sometimes grumble about them. 🤣)

So my DH did adjust to life with a cat, but only because I already had one. If that hadn’t been the case, I would have found it very hard to agree to a life without cats ever.

So I get how you feel, though not about dogs! (I wouldn’t want a dog, and my DH is allergic anyway.) You’ll have to decide whether you can cope with a life without dogs. If not, I could understand you making it a deal breaker, as your DH should have made it clear that his answer was a complete ‘no’ to a dog and not ‘maybe’. And some of us don’t want to live without ever having pets.

Original poster
iwantadogdhdoesnt · 25/04/2021 23:43

@anyoldname76 I had horses for 20 years, I'm well used to the commitment of caring for an animal in all weathers havIng been at the yard before and after school/work for the majority of my life. I've also had dogs in my teens/late 20s.

OP posts:
Quaverscrisps · 26/04/2021 07:57

I wanted a dog, husband didn't. 17 years later dog still here, husband adores her. But she wakes up four times a night to be let out, has dementia and paces a lot. Can't go on holiday , constant care , dog muck in garden seeing to, vets bills...barked all time when younger, chewed everything...we all love her but never again. We are knackered. It's like having a baby in your late 40s. If everyone not all in don't do it. Lifetime of work.

Operasinger · 26/04/2021 08:19

@Quaverscrisps

I wanted a dog, husband didn't. 17 years later dog still here, husband adores her. But she wakes up four times a night to be let out, has dementia and paces a lot. Can't go on holiday , constant care , dog muck in garden seeing to, vets bills...barked all time when younger, chewed everything...we all love her but never again. We are knackered. It's like having a baby in your late 40s. If everyone not all in don't do it. Lifetime of work.
I must admit, reading this, I’d be considering doing the right thing for your dog. 😭
coogee · 26/04/2021 08:22

I wanted a dog but my husband didn't. I'll get one when he dies.

rookiemere · 26/04/2021 08:41

I'm like @category12 . I was convinced to get a dog by DH and DS. Our ddog is lovable and huge and fairly biddable, but as he is so huge he needs lots of walking, it's impossible to keep downstairs clean and free of doggy smell unless I were to do loads of cleaning every day and I don't want to.

Straw that broke camels back is DH announcing he was going camping next weekend and didn't want to take the dog because too many lambs in the area and not enjoyable to always have him on the lead. So effectively I never get a weekend off from the dog that DH said he wanted. I don't mind being the default carer for our DS but I never signed up to be default dog owner and told him so. Ddog os 3 so we have a long ways to go.

Sorry this is maybe not pertinent to you, but I really wish I'd stood my ground or at least agreed to an older rescue dog instead of a puppy. NB for those worried Ddog has the life of riley and is much loved.

CharlotteRose90 · 26/04/2021 10:30

Ditch the husband and get a dog.

I adore dogs and can’t wait to get another one. If my partner didn’t want one he wouldn’t live with me. All I will say is don’t get a puppy and then go back to work part time it’s not fair on the dog and your house will end up a mess.

JustAnotherOldMan · 26/04/2021 11:00

We I got married my wife wanted a dog, so we got one, and they are great company, but do need constant attention, walks, vet bills etc, plus you can’t just do something on the spur of the moment as you always have to think of the dog, when we split, she took the dog, I missed the dog more then the wife, but would probably not have another one.

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