Sexual assault or just got out of hand

[Fate32]

Partner and me have not been getting on for quite a few months, but still together (we have 3 children)

We still sleep in the same bed and both felt a bit frisky, he makes a move and I respond, nothing was said, but he starts getting very rough, mainly using his hands, couldn’t take much more (though I might faint) and he stops for a second and I ask him what he is doing, and I start to cry. Didn’t want to make a fuss as the children’s bedrooms are next to ours, he says he is sorry and sleeps downstairs and I go to the bathroom and I am covered in blood, it is all over the bed, my top etc, I go downstairs and tell him about the blood and he washes his hands.

I don’t know what to think, he has never done anything as bad as that before (been together over 20 years)

Jesus fxxking Christ covers this situation IMO.

Please OP reach out at the very least tonyour GP.

You need protecting at the moment.

You poor, poor pet.
I am so sorry. You poor pet.

I am so sorry op.

This is not normal, please don't believe whatever bullshit excuse he comes up with.

You are worth so much more than this

How on earth do you cause someone to bleed from anus and vagina with hands.

Op you're seriously minimising. You need to get the duck away from this man.

There is not one little bit of what he did that is normal or even accidental. He assaulted you, harmed you, hurt you, degraded you. This was not some little mistake that he didn’t realise. You need to get help and you need to get away from him. He’s truly disgusting.

Op you haven’t done anything wrong, he was punishing you he knew he was hurting you. He was rough purposely to hurt you because he was angry . You don’t hurt someone you live op this isn’t love or getting carried away. His reaction says it all he ran off downstairs and didn’t check you were ok. My dh has accidentally been to rough and when I’ve told him he’s been absolutely devastated and been so cautious afterwards because he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me .

@Fate32

This is the worst thing I've ever read on mumsnet. Please get yourself safe today. I don't know how old you are I hope you have supportive family. Please please leave him.

This is probably the most horrendous post I've read on here. IMO You and your children need to get away from him. He carried out a serious sexual assault and there is no way he could not have realised what he was doing. There is a vast chasm between a bit of particularly physical sex (call it rough if you like) and something that draws even a minute bit of blood, let alone what you describe. I felt ill reading it. I think you should also call the police although that is a decision only you can make. Your safety and that of your kids is paramount....get way now....he won't change.

I feel sick reading your post and updates OP. Are you ok? As others have said, you need to get checked out by a nurse, to see what damage he has done. And tell her exactly what happened. For me, the relationship would be over. He has without doubt , sexually assaulted you. What a disgusting, horrible bastard.

Fate 32 we havent heard from you since early Sunday morning. Please let us know your ok. Even if you no longer want to talk please just put your ok.

Hope you are OK, OP :-(

Definitely go to a GP in case you need antibiotics.

Definitely having some time apart so you can think clearly and have some calm--can he move out for a while?

Thanks everyone, I am ok, physically feeling a bit better, emotionally I am very very angry he has done this to me. He seems sorry and trying to act as normal which is making me more angry, I have told him to keep away from me.

I phoned the sexual assault referral centre, they would examine me but wouldn’t be able to deal with any medication or injuries and said I would need to see my gp or go to A&E - neither I want to do, and I don’t want to tell somebody else what he did (I broke down on the phone to her).

He starts a new job in the next week which will (hopefully) mean travel away - I just need some space from him to decide what I do, going to the police would mean him losing his job, losing our home, and the children being uprooted all because of his actions.

Hi Fate32, we're really relieved to see your latest update, and that you've made contact with the sexual assault referral centre.

We can see you've had many helpful posts on your thread but we just wanted to add some links to organisations which can offer you a bit more support in real life.

Here's the Rape Crisis page on Where to start, which says: Whether it happened recently or in the past - or if you're not sure what happened - find help here to think through your options and next steps. If you don't feel able to talk about what happened, they have an online chat service - here's the link.

Here too is a link to Women's Aid - information and support. We know they've helped many Mumsnetters in the past, in particular with the Freedom Programme, so please take a look at their website.

We really hope you're okay.

Good grief, if your husband made you bleed he was being more than a bit rough. That's appalling!

What on earth has he had to say about it (sorry if you have covered that, I will go back and read everything)?

I'd be terrified to carry on living with him. There is nothing in the least 'normal', nor 'loving' about injuring your partner.

@Maggiesfarm

Good grief, if your husband made you bleed he was being more than a bit rough. That's appalling!

What on earth has he had to say about it (sorry if you have covered that, I will go back and read everything)?

I'd be terrified to carry on living with him. There is nothing in the least 'normal', nor 'loving' about injuring your partner.

He has since apologised (a lot) but I don’t really want to speak to him. I have checked myself with a mirror and I have a lot of black bruising 😢

Jesus Christ op - that's more than a bit rough! To bruise you that way and make you bleed, please please go to a and e. If you have internal injuries you need medical help and now. Please get this man out of your house. Phone the police. Can a parent come be with you? You're in shock and must be reeling but please go get seen, please.

Take photographs.

I really can't even begin to comment on all the 'he didn't realise' bullshit.

He did. That is absolutely chilling, how violent that must have been. No person on earth could claim to be unaware of someone fainting from pain in that situation.

There aren't the words for a scumbag like this.

Everyone is right when they say to get checked out. If you dont want to go to A and E ring your local surgery and see the Practice nurse. You may have internal injuries that need attention sooner rather than later.

You have been so brave, and extremely so to make that call to your local SARC. Hopefully you’ll feel strong enough to get yourself checked out, just so you can access any treatment to help heal the injuries.
One thing I would consider when deciding what next steps you want to take - what if your children had woken up and seen what was happening? What if they heard what was going on? What if they happened to see you bleeding or bruised? What if it’s worse next time? They deserve to be raised in a household free of sexual violence, as do you. Sending lots of strong, positive thoughts.

please go to get checked somewhere.
people will be careful, gentle and respectful.
you only have to tell them as much as you want to, or feel able to at the time.
please go.
it will help you.
you are entitled to help.
all the best.
and you know what, i bet 100 people on here would volunteer to go with you if it would help.
we are all supporting you.

You simply must take photographs, op. Please do.

He has apologised but why on earth did he do it in the first place?

This nearly brought me to tears. I am so sorry that this happened to you.

I know it’s probably not on your mind right now because of the shock and horrendous fright but please consider making a plan to leave. This is a dangerous man.

Or as other posters have said, call the police or go to A&E where they will be able to help you.

Yeah, please take photos while the injuries are still visible.

Would he really lose his job?

I think everyone is pleased to read you will have some space and time to think of your options when he goes away. I hope from reading all our comments you realise what a brutal act this was and couldn't possibly be done without him being aware of what he was doing. It is hard to actually say the words out loud to someone, but once you have you will find they are very understanding. You wont be the first person who has spoken to them about this type of thing and professional people will know how you feel.