Sexual assault or just got out of hand

[Fate32]

Partner and me have not been getting on for quite a few months, but still together (we have 3 children)

We still sleep in the same bed and both felt a bit frisky, he makes a move and I respond, nothing was said, but he starts getting very rough, mainly using his hands, couldn’t take much more (though I might faint) and he stops for a second and I ask him what he is doing, and I start to cry. Didn’t want to make a fuss as the children’s bedrooms are next to ours, he says he is sorry and sleeps downstairs and I go to the bathroom and I am covered in blood, it is all over the bed, my top etc, I go downstairs and tell him about the blood and he washes his hands.

I don’t know what to think, he has never done anything as bad as that before (been together over 20 years)

In what world does a man finger etc a woman so hard/violently that he actually tears her and causes her to bleed from the vagina and/or anus????!!!!!

(And feel faint because it's so uncomfortable ... Well painful, really - I can't imagine how it wouldn't have been painful given he tore etc you and cause bleeding).

They is just .... Bizarre, disturbing .. it's hard to get the words.

He must have been doing it incredibly roughly/violently .. I take it this is not something he just one day started doing that roughly, having find it normally before, because that seems extremely unlikely.

He is not normal.

There's something badly wrong with him. He sounds like he's been watching violent, rough fisting porn or something.

He must also (if he is to believed) be unbelievably, incredibly oblivious to someone's responses and reactions, not to realise you were extremely uncomfortable.

No adult who has enough sexual experience to create a baby is going to believe that an anus lubricates itself.

No decent sexual partner is going to jab their unlubricated finger into someone's orifice. Nor would they fail to notice your lack of enthusiastic enjoyment.

I wonder if he has ground you down to the point where you felt unable to say "Hey wait you need some lube" or "You're hurting me" or even just "Ow!" Do you feel that if you say no to sex (in general or a specific act) that he will make things unpleasant - moody, sulky, argumentative, take it out on the DC?

This is awful. He assaulted you, then lied about it. There is no way he didn't know that he was hurting you.

I'd seek medical advice. I'd also leave him.

How are you feeling now OP, and what would you like to do?

Thinking of you. Xxx

It worries me that you didn't feel able to tell him to stop.

The moment you stopped enjoying it, you should have felt able to say so and know that he would stop. You weren't able to do that (or you thought he would ignore you), which suggests you need to seriously re-consider your relationship with this man.

What on earth was he doing to make your anus bleed? He's seriously assaulted you, ring the police.

I would strongly advise that you go to a sexual assault referral centre for a medical examination and emotional support TODAY

www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Rape-and-sexual-assault-referral-centres/LocationSearch/364

That's termed as digital rape,!! Ultimately upto you if you report to police

I do think it sounds like assault. Unless this is an agreed activity you both habitually agree to take part in, which it clearly isn't, there is no way he can cause that damage out of the blue and claim he had grounds to think you were enjoying it, or would want it.

I wouldn't expect the police to be any help but absolutely get out of this.

I have only just read all the comments and what has happened to you. If you were in pain at the time of the assault ( I myself cant really call it anything else ) did you tell him he was hurting you. If so and he didnt stop you can never trust him again. It doesnt matter why he did it , the fact is he did. If you didnt tell him, why not? Were you too scared to tell him? If the answer is Yes then you should ask him to leave. Next time could be a lot worse.

If so and he didnt stop you can never trust him again.

How can she trust him again anyway? He decides to do this awful thing without consultation and just goes ahead and does it. She can never trust him again regardless. She was probably too shocked and blindsided too object, and trying to keep everything quiet for her babies. That does not in any way provide an excuse for him. He must have known exactly what he was doing.

He left you crying, bleeding and in pain. You know this is not ok. You might need medical attention and you need to ask yourself do you feel safe? How would you feel with him getting into bed with you again? How are you feeling now?

What on earth?? I've never bled regardless of how energetic the sex was. What did he do to you?? I'm so sorry op.

She clearly loves this man and in her head is making excuses for him, I was trying to put it in a way where she couldn't do that. I clearly failed miserably. If it was me I'd kick him to the kerb straight away. He knew what he had done was really bad, otherwise why go downstairs instead of, saying he was sorry straight away and comforting her when she was crying.

OP,
Please see your GP asap to log what has happened.

For future reference.

You most certainly have been very seriously sexually assaulted and he knows it.

You need to have this logged.

This is the action of a violent, dangerous man.

And he's in your home.

You poor woman.

I am so, so sorry he assaulted you like this I cannot even imagine. If you feel ok to please speak to a friend. Where I live you can go to a Sexual Assault Referral Centre and be examined and treated if needed, and they will hold the evidence in case you wanted to go to the police.

I'm so, so sorry. I feel like the level of violence was so high that he knew what he was doing to you. Please get some help and support.

@Reasonabletillpushed

"did you tell him he was hurting you?"

Just FYI phrases like this are victim blaming. Often victims of sexual assault and rape freeze and can't say a word and their body shuts down to help them survive the assault. So asking if the person said no or stop or I don't like it isnt helpful.

That has got to be the end. That's horrific

Hope you’re ok OP. Not sure if it’s assault, but certainly needs discussing. Hopefully you will be ok and he will genuinely be regretful.
I think he made a genuine mistake, but he needs to understand he can’t do that again.

@RulesDontApply2Me

Hope you’re ok OP. Not sure if it’s assault, but certainly needs discussing. Hopefully you will be ok and he will genuinely be regretful. I think he made a genuine mistake, but he needs to understand he can’t do that again.

Sorry I’m just about to go and try and find my jaw It must be on the floor

I think he made a genuine mistake, but he needs to understand he can’t do that again.

WHAT????????

I've heard it all now.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS ACCIDENTALLY.

YOU CANNOT DO THIS ACCIDENTALLY.

Honestly OP this would be game over. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. What a grim man.

Any normal man would apologise profusely at this.

Partner and me have not been getting on for quite a few months

I think you need to step away from him physically so you can think straight.
Can you visit any family? Take the kids out of school and say you are isolating if needs be.

Have you confided in anyone in real life?
It’s probably hard to as you’ll have to accept that this sexual assault has happened. Try it and look at their reaction- they’ll be horrified-you deserve more than this-in thus relationship you have become used to being treated badly.

Start reading up on domestic abuse in all forms- control, financial, emotional....some of it is likely to ring true.
freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/fp.pdf

Jesus fucking christ, some of these comments.

Op, you must be reeling.

Honestly, he knew how rough he was being, you don't accidentally damage someone to thst degree, and think its all going well.

Hes assaulted you, its crystal clear.

You need him out.