Rebound pregnancy

[Confusedman1234]

Hi everyone I’m a male just looking for advice,I met a girl straight after my 10 year relationship ended after 5months of been together I knew I didn’t love her she was just just a company for me and I wanted to ended things then she found out she was pregnant and I’m absolutely numb and devastated!! She stopped taking her pill without me knowing around the time she questioned why i seemed to be pulling away. She is now 16 weeks pregnant because she wanted to keep it, I always wanted kids but she’s not the person I wanted them too I wanted them with my ex who I still love a lot! I feel trapped in a rebound relationship and I don’t know what to do I’m so depressed and down and I haven’t shared my feelings with her as I don’t want to stress her out whilst she’s pregnant,I’ve become so distant with her since she become pregnant and only see her once a week now after spending everyday together at the start of the relationship. I feel like I get irritated over little things she does when she’s done nothing wrong but I know I don’t want to be with her but I feel like I have to stay and try because she’s pregnant but I really want my ex back!! I’ve got myself in such a mess I just don’t know what to do!! I’m hoping I will learn to love her when the baby comes and be a family but I really can’t see it happening and she’s so happy and thinks everything is fine when it’s not! I can’t even bring myself to buy anything for the baby as I feel to numb! Will staying with her for the wrong reasons make things worse?? I was ready to end things within a week of her finding out. I will 100% support her with the baby but I just really can’t see is working out Or me actually loving her will a baby make things worse for us as a couple of things are like this now?? She knew From the start it wasn’t ever going to be a serious relationship, I can’t sleep anymore I just feel strange and not myself,she’s 21 years old and I’m 32 it was only ever fun and company and now I’m in a relationship with a girl I don’t love and now I’ve messed up the chance to get back the person I wanted

You need to end the relationship and learn the lessons.

Didnt mean to sound too harsh but you should use protection, and not just for unwanted pregnancy. The main thing is to do right by the baby whatever your feelings about her.

@Sunflower1970

You seem very immature to me. What is a 32 year old bloke doing messing about with a 21 year old? In some ways you’ve made your bed and there’s a child involved. Sorry - no sympathy from me

Sorry? A child? Are you ok?

End the relationship, but be the best father you can possibly be to your child.

This

And wear condoms in the future

Well what a mess OP. I think the title of this thread you've chosen 'Rebound pregnancy' sums up how little you think of this girl. Firstly I would suggest not using women to have sex with to make yourself feel better, particularly when you don't even like them. That is deceitful, hurtful and incredibly selfish.

She has also been in the wrong by being deceitful to you. What a toxic situation.

You need to end the relationship but offer support as a parent to the child, and hopefully learn some lessons from it all.

Be honest with her. You can’t stay with her if you feel this way. You need to end relationship and agree how you will co parent. Agree maintenance etc. Does she have family support 21 on her own with a baby will be very hard. I’d forget about your ex that’s just a complication.

jezzijey there is a child involved (baby on way) not meaning that the 21 year old is a child.

Good for her. Hope her and her baby have the best life. Now break up with her and let her be happy you've wasted far to much of her time already. YOU should of wore protection stop playing the victim.

@Carbara

The important thing to take from this thread is- CONDOMS; you are responsible for contraception, make better choices, and make your writing easier for people to try to read. Good luck parenting.

Quite. I was on the depo injection for years and every single man just took my word for it. They just assumed they didnt have to wear a condom and were overjoyed and it didnt occur to them that I could have lied in order to get knocked up.

Men should take far more responsibility for contraception imo, if only to save themselves 18 years of paying child maintenance to someone who was practically a stranger at the time of conception.

@Blueberrymuffin40 - "Good for her" - seriously?! You think it's good that she lied to OP in order to get pregnant? Come on!

I hope you were being sarcastic and it just went over my head

OP - believe me, it will be much better for you, her and the baby if you end things with her now. Babies do NOT bring people closer together, especially in a relationship where one of the parties was already halfway out the door.

You are effectively leading her up the garden path now and although she is a deceitful piece of work, you need to make things clear to her now, or everything is going to get worse.

As a PP mentioned, she doesn't seem too bothered about you seeing her less so it may well be that she won't be too bothered about you ending it.

Attend the scans with her IF she wants you to, otherwise be available to help with buying baby stuff, sorting out housing/room for baby. Then wait for it to arrive and make appropriate maintenance payments and agree a contact schedule between the two of you.

Please don't stay with her out of some misguided desire to "save" the baby from having a "broken" home. If you're there onyl for that reason, then the home is already broken. Far, far better for a child to have two separated but happy and healthy parents, than to be stuck in the middle of a toxic marriage full of resentment and bitterness.

I'm sure you've heard enough about condoms to never make this mistake again, so I'll hold me water on that :)

Good for her as in keeping the baby and not being bullied by him or his family!

Excuse me but she hasn’t been bullied by anyone!

@Blueberrymuffin40

Good for her. Hope her and her baby have the best life. Now break up with her and let her be happy you've wasted far to much of her time already. YOU should of wore protection stop playing the victim.

Should we also give her a round of applause for stopping taking her pill?

What happened In the end? I'm curious x

Zombie....

Do her a favour and be honest with her.