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Original poster

Rebound pregnancy

166 replies

Confusedman1234 · 20/04/2021 21:45

Hi everyone I’m a male just looking for advice,I met a girl straight after my 10 year relationship ended after 5months of been together I knew I didn’t love her she was just just a company for me and I wanted to ended things then she found out she was pregnant and I’m absolutely numb and devastated!! She stopped taking her pill without me knowing around the time she questioned why i seemed to be pulling away. She is now 16 weeks pregnant because she wanted to keep it, I always wanted kids but she’s not the person I wanted them too I wanted them with my ex who I still love a lot! I feel trapped in a rebound relationship and I don’t know what to do I’m so depressed and down and I haven’t shared my feelings with her as I don’t want to stress her out whilst she’s pregnant,I’ve become so distant with her since she become pregnant and only see her once a week now after spending everyday together at the start of the relationship. I feel like I get irritated over little things she does when she’s done nothing wrong but I know I don’t want to be with her but I feel like I have to stay and try because she’s pregnant but I really want my ex back!! I’ve got myself in such a mess I just don’t know what to do!! I’m hoping I will learn to love her when the baby comes and be a family but I really can’t see it happening and she’s so happy and thinks everything is fine when it’s not! I can’t even bring myself to buy anything for the baby as I feel to numb! Will staying with her for the wrong reasons make things worse?? I was ready to end things within a week of her finding out. I will 100% support her with the baby but I just really can’t see is working out Or me actually loving her will a baby make things worse for us as a couple of things are like this now?? She knew From the start it wasn’t ever going to be a serious relationship, I can’t sleep anymore I just feel strange and not myself,she’s 21 years old and I’m 32 it was only ever fun and company and now I’m in a relationship with a girl I don’t love and now I’ve messed up the chance to get back the person I wanted

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 20/04/2021 22:49

Why did you and your ex break up?

Guavafish · 20/04/2021 22:54

I think you need to break up with her. Do it now and quickly. Her feeling will hurt more in the future if you sting her along!

Then set up child maintain and access in the future. Try to make it amicable.

Use condoms in the future! It’s your responsibility to protect your self in fling relationships.

You can explain to your ex the situation once you’ve done the above. Ppl do break up and can still make it work for their kids sake.

PP12345 · 20/04/2021 22:54

@Reinventinganna

Pretending that you love her is worse than leaving.

Also, she’s a woman and 5 months in why weren’t you wearing a condom.

You are 32 but you sound very immature.

Because she deceived him by making him think she was on the pill. She did this when she thought he was getting distant, she’s tricked him into this.
Original poster
Confusedman1234 · 20/04/2021 22:57

Just because of arguments and I made things worse by going out with friends blocking the problems out and she decided it was the end and that’s how I met the current girl I’m with after 12weeks apart from my ex

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 20/04/2021 22:59

Wow. Op yes you were wrong tricked into a pregnancy but you wrongly got with a 21 year old who won't have much relationship experience, and used her for rebound sex. This poor girl has clearly fallen for you, and whilst she is massively wrong to not tell you she's off the pill you need to man up here. If you don't see a future with her, tell her. But you need to support her and that baby fully. Both financially and by being there. That's all you can do now

Original poster
Confusedman1234 · 20/04/2021 23:04

From what I know now she’s been pregnant a couple of times maybe she did plan this but I’m partly to blame myself for not using my own protection

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 20/04/2021 23:07

There is nothing you can do. You don't need to be in a relationship with her if you don't want to be. Anymore than she needs to be in a relationship with you. I think it was wrong of her to stop contraception without telling you. You will have to pay maintenance if the child is yours but other than that you dont have any legal responsibility to be part of the childs life.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/04/2021 23:45

@Confusedman1234

From what I know now she’s been pregnant a couple of times maybe she did plan this but I’m partly to blame myself for not using my own protection
Partly 😂
user1471457751 · 20/04/2021 23:46

You acted like an idiot and now living with the consequences. It's absolutely wrong for her to have lied about taking the pill, that is disgusting behaviour. But even if she was taking the pill you could very easily have conceived a baby, given typical use the pill is only about 91% effective. You've also put yourself at risk of STIs so I hope you've been tested.

MsDogLady · 21/04/2021 00:07

She is a manipulative liar with an agenda, and you have been massively selfish and irresponsible. Now you are compounding this train wreck by being dishonest.

You need to adult-up and stop living this lie. You’re digging a deeper hole by continuing this relationship. You’re actually doing her, the baby, and yourself a great disservice by perpetuating this corrosive situation.

Make it clear that you are 100% committed to coparenting, but end this definitively.

bugorbaby · 21/04/2021 00:30

She's 16 weeks pregnant after you've only been with her 12 weeks? 🤨

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/04/2021 00:52

@bugorbaby

She's 16 weeks pregnant after you've only been with her 12 weeks? 🤨
Haha glad someone else clocked this! You might want to get your story straight OP...
ElizabethTudor · 21/04/2021 02:09

This, and STDs, are why you should always put something on the end of it, as our dear friend, Jeremy Kyle, would say.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing.
So you need to be honest with her and deal with the consequences.

beenwhereyouare · 21/04/2021 02:47

@bugorbaby
@youvegottenminuteslynn

You've both got it wrong. He has been with her for 9 months already.
The timeline is 10 years with ex.
12 weeks after breakup he got involved with the 21-year-old.
5 months in, he decided to end it with her but found out she was pregnant.
She's now 16 weeks along.

Whatever you think of the situation, please don't say someone doesn't have their story straight when It's you, in fact, who failed to rft.

And OP, you both deserve more than pretending that you care about her and hoping it will happen. Be kind when you tell her the truth. Offer her support and then FOLLOW THROUGH. As you co-parent, remember the baby is innocent in all this.

I hope you find peace in the situation.

SunIsComing · 21/04/2021 03:31

Be there fir the baby but you don’t need to be with her... that relationship is never going to work as there’s no trust.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/04/2021 04:00

Break up with her and stress how involved and supportive you will be with the baby and of her (despite not being with her). It’s not ideal but honestly it’s not the end of the world, you need to leave your ex alone (you aren’t in a position to be friends, it will stop you moving on in a healthy way).

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 21/04/2021 07:18

Harsh responses here op. If a man tampered with a condom it would be classed as rape. I think it should be the same the other way around. She certainly tricked you. Despicable behaviour.

Tell her there is no relationship. But be the best dad you can be- baby us the innocent party in all this.

Fatherliamdeliverance · 21/04/2021 07:25

I agree with Dery it was really unkind to start a rebound fling with someone that comparatively young and let it get to the stage of meeting every day. Casual strings free sex doesn't happen every day after work, that kind of regular contact causes feelings to start creeping in. Plus you should have ended it as soon as you realised that you didn't really like her but she was still keen to come over daily, not start cooling off leading to her clinging on and doing something really shitty. I'm not condoning getting pregnant by deception but she is very young and you have not acted well at all.

You need to end the relationship, kindly but clearly and put in place an arrangement to support the child, and her as a mum, not just pushing for the contact that suits you. And it's not great that you've been in touch with your ex discussing this (whom you're in love with so she's not just a friend), whilst continuing to pretend to be in a relationship with the 21 year old.

Doesn't sound like you were a great partner to her either so I would suggest doing the right thing by your child and the woman you are hopefully soon to split up with, spend some time alone, not pinging between women, and have a think what you really want from, and what you should offer to, an adult relationship as a 30-something man.

Also yes, contraception fails sometimes so condoms are essential in a casual set up. Can't believe I'm saying that to someone only a couple of years younger than me.

Original poster
Confusedman1234 · 21/04/2021 08:35

I got with her 12 weeks after my other relationship ended

OP posts:
Original poster
Confusedman1234 · 21/04/2021 08:39

I think you need to read my post properly. I said I got with her 12 weeks after coming out of my long term relationship

OP posts:
Abouttimemum · 21/04/2021 08:43

You need to end the relationship as nothing good will come of it for you, your partner and your child, but 100% be there for her and your baby. You don’t need to be together to be a good father.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/04/2021 08:49

@NeilBuchananisBanksy

Harsh responses here op. If a man tampered with a condom it would be classed as rape. I think it should be the same the other way around. She certainly tricked you. Despicable behaviour.

Tell her there is no relationship. But be the best dad you can be- baby us the innocent party in all this.

Very true- I will though stress that if you don’t know a woman well enough to know if she’s honest, then you don’t know her well enough not to use a condom.
Rubyrecka · 21/04/2021 08:51

@Confusedman1234

I’ve said I’ll be there for the baby 100% I just don’t want to hurt her feelings and stress her out whilst pregnant and I’m trying to make it work with her but non of this was planned she stopped her pill without telling me
Why weren't you using condoms?! You can't completely hand the responsibility over to the other person! Especially one that u don't know. As you have unfortunately found out..
Fatherliamdeliverance · 21/04/2021 08:52

I think you need to read my post properly. I said I got with her 12 weeks after coming out of my long term relationship

If that was to me, what's your point?

Fatherliamdeliverance · 21/04/2021 08:54

As in why do you think that was misunderstood, it wasn't.

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