How would you feel if your partner said this to you?

[Bloodyfuckit]

Lying in bed, cuddled up. I said, you smell nice. He said, do I. I said yes, have you put something on? He said yes, I put some aftershave on this morning......for the nurses (he had his jab today). How would you feel about this comment?

[HeddaGarbled]

I’d find it funny.

[floofycroissant]

@Changingwiththetimes

Huh? I haven't ever seen a sexy nurse. They are usually middle-aged and not particularly svelte, and the polyester uniform is hardly flattering. Not that you can't be sexy at middle age or fuller figured but you understand what I mean.
I'd take it as a light hearted joke.

I'm assuming this is a goady troll, rather than a genuine comment.

[CaraherEIL]

I think all professions where there is a uniform are perceived in some ways as sexy. Fireman, policeman, nurses, doctors etc. I have heard loads of women say ‘ Ooh a man in uniform’ countless times in my life. I think the problem is not whether men think nurses are sexy or not I think it’s just a lame response to his wife cuddling up to him and giving him a compliment. But I think all the porn stuff makes it feel much more loaded. Otherwise I would put it down as him just teasing. But only you can judge whether he is really feeling his age and all the porn stuff is trying to convince himself he is still a young stud or whether the porn is becoming a destructive thing between you.

[Resetting]

I put perfume on, when I was getting ready for an important zoom call (before I caught myself on, too late...). I wouldn't think anything of it, it's nice to smell nice?

[ConstantlyChanging]

I think it's funny and my DH would definitely say stupid shit like this as a joke.

[SD1978]

He would have been very disappointed.....most of us are over 40, overweight, and don't notice aftershave when sticking needles into you.....

[Startingagainperson]

A funny joke about aftershave to have his jab with the nurses, pardon the pun, is OK I guess...

But sharing porn on WhatsApp with his mates? Seriously???

[HowWeAre]

If it was my personally my partner I wouldn’t be bothered as it was a joke and he doesn’t have a past record for me to question it as anything more than a joke.

Your partner sounds vile though I would get rid

[Bloodyfuckit]

@Resetting

I put perfume on, when I was getting ready for an important zoom call (before I caught myself on, too late...). I wouldn't think anything of it, it's nice to smell nice?

It's not about smelling nice, it's about him being the young gun around town and wanting to impress other women.

[TheresAnEyeInMeSoup]

And most women wouldnt go near him. Sleazy people give off sleazy vibes. It doesn't solve that fact that he is a sleaze bag though.

[Bloodyfuckit]

He definitely doesn't give off sleazy vibes.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

The nurses comment in itself is neither here nor there. In a secure relationship it is possible to joke like this in my opinion. For example, when the broadband man came round to my house during lockdown, I can remember texting my boyfriend about the fact that I was putting on make-up in the hope that broadband guy was hot, etc etc.

The trouble here is much more that your boyfriend sounds like a tosser.....

[Oneeyeopen]

Well as its his big birthday coming up you have an opportunity to buy him a magazine too.
A feminist one.

[Bloodyfuckit]

@Startingagainperson

A funny joke about aftershave to have his jab with the nurses, pardon the pun, is OK I guess...

But sharing porn on WhatsApp with his mates? Seriously???

Relentlessly. All late 40s, all in relationships, all professionals. We were stood in a queue in b&q once and I happened to glance at his phone and a message came through of a woman bend over with everything spread wide open. It just felt so horrible to be innocently stood in a Q in a shop and to know that they were circulating this shit. Another time was Christmas day. His adult children were around, he was sat at the table drinking wine, I walked behind him and a photo of a group of naked women popped up on whatsapp singing jingle bells. They send this kind of shit around endlessly.

[sunnyblackwidow]

I think it was a silly joke - in itself shouldn't have bothered you.

The reason it's bothered you is because of the sleazy WhatsApp group (what type of dickhead friends has he chosen!?).

If I were you, I'd be carefully reflecting on the type of man I'm married to (I really hope you don't have daughters together!?) and his views on women. Is this someone who will respect and honour you for the rest of your life?

Not all men are like this OP.

[Elieza]

Would you leave him?

If the porn is a dealbreaker - people have different opinions on porn hence it’s yours that you need to consider. I would leave. I may even speak to the other wives and see what they think (if I knew them). They need feel the same as you. Imagine the shock of all the guys if you all told them to pack in the disgusting behaviour or you’re all off!

What your financial situation? Could you afford to leave? If you are not sure then have a look on womens aid website and see if you can get advice there. If you are married and in the U.K. you have rights.

[Elieza]

May feel. Not need feel

[tinglymint]

Not sure I'd care.

[Shoxfordian]

The comment on its own wouldn’t bother me but it sounds like it’s part of a much wider disrespectful pattern of behaviour which you can rightly consider a dealbreaker if you don’t want to put up with it

[Pyewackect]

You sound hard work.

[GoryGilmore]

Based on this comment alone it’s not a big deal. Although I shower every morning and always smell soapy clean, I don’t wear perfume regularly (complete waste of time in my job role/personal life). But if I’m going to be going for an appointment where people will be getting in my personal space, I give myself a quick spritz and also eat some breath mints just beforehand so that I smell extra fresh. Not because those people are sexy but because I think they have a tough enough job already without dealing with other people’s body odours.

[LeaveMyDamnJam]

OP you really must not keep watching carry on films. They aren’t documentaries.

[CaraherEIL]

It does sound very sad for someone nearly 50. They sound like a group of teenage boys. Considering he has adult children what kind of message is he sending them. I think porn can be part of a healthy relationship with both parties in agreement. Much more revoltingly for unattainable or unsavoury niche sexual tastes, always I think it seems desperate - used in the main by men who are either two young or too old to get much or enough sex in real life. I think he thinks he is showing his youth and virility he just sounds like an emotionally stunted old man. Does this feel like a last flurry of him coping with approaching 50 and it might calm down or do you feel it is going to gain momentum and as he gets older and older the women he views are going to remain 25 to 30 years his junior. If you feel it is a late mid life crisis and this is how he is coping maybe sit him down and relay to him that he is actually making himself seem older and more pathetic by this behaviour. Ask him whether he sees this kind of behaviour with these male friends as being likely to continue as he heads towards 60. Then you have to see how you feel about his answers.

[RhubarbCustardy]

Hi OP. To me he sounds like someone with schoolboy type humour which I find a bit immature. His friends don't sound a lot better. If it wasn't for the Internet, phones etc, you probably wouldn't have been aware of the other stuff as he would've just joked in the pub with his mates. The aftershave thing is a bit pathetic but then some mens egos are like that.

[readingismycardio]

What the heck. We both wear perfume everyday and smell amazing (modesty at its finest here) as everyone should. I'd think he was joking