How would you feel if your partner said this to you?

[Bloodyfuckit]

Lying in bed, cuddled up. I said, you smell nice. He said, do I. I said yes, have you put something on? He said yes, I put some aftershave on this morning......for the nurses (he had his jab today). How would you feel about this comment?

[londonscalling]

I go to the doctors and will have a squirt of perform so that I smell nice. I can assure you I'm not trying to chat them up. It means nothing!

[booboo24]

I would have made a witty comment (put down!) back and forgotten it. It was clearly a joke about impressing the nurses but not as a serious plan. I'd totally forget this comment

[loveyoudoll]

Well, having seen your update, he is a sleaze and so are his mates. You have far bigger issues than a comment about aftershave.

[Justmuddlingalong]

You've got the ick.

[londonscalling]

The aftershave is not an issue but the shared porn is another matter!

[Lou98]

Obviously you know him better than we do but I think it sounds like you're making a mountain of a molehill. You've said that he was joking but you're making it out as if he's told you he wants to go sleep with sexy young nurses in slutty costumes- which is very far fetched from what he actually said.

My DP and I make similar jokes, it's just teasing, if you're not comfortable with it then tell him that but it sounds like you're trying to make him as saying something he hasn't

[Crosstrainer]

I’d have laughed that off and made some comment about them being unlikely to be impressed. But - as a pp said - that’s to a man who isn’t a sleaze. Only you can judge the nature of the comment really.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Like the constant stream of shared porn pictures on his friends WhatsApp group.

Right. So start a thread about that as it’s a much bigger issue than a spot of aftershave.

As you can see, most people would take a joke as a joke. But we’re not all with men who think images of probably abused women in compromising positions they might have been coerced into is acceptable.

[Orchidflower1]

Given the update I think the aftershave is the lesser problem.

As always in situations like this there are three options-
Put up
Ship out
Sort it out.

[SeaTurtles92]

Aftershave is the least of your worries.
He's a grot.

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

@AnneLovesGilbert

Like the constant stream of shared porn pictures on his friends WhatsApp group.

Right. So start a thread about that as it’s a much bigger issue than a spot of aftershave.

As you can see, most people would take a joke as a joke. But we’re not all with men who think images of probably abused women in compromising positions they might have been coerced into is acceptable.

All of this.

If your partner does things you know are sleazy, why would you want to remain in the relationship?

Makes me full body cringe the idea of being with someone who shares shit like that on whatsapp and is someone I know to be a sleaze. Bleurgh.

[LawnFever]

Not more to this comment but there are other things getting right on my nerves. Like the constant stream of shared porn pictures on his friends WhatsApp group

So you think he’s a sleaze and this is why the aftershave comment has hit a nerve, has he always been like this? How long have you been together?

[Mylittlepony374]

I'd say "like any of them would fuck an old man like you" laugh and then forget about it. So either you're way over sensitive or he is a sleazy fucker and this is straw that broke the camels back for you.... hard to know

[thatllberight]

DH and I joke about this sort of thing all the time. "Ooh who are you trying to impress?" etc. We have a long running joke that he's in love with the optician. I think he might be a bit actually.

[CandyLeBonBon]

Why would you drip feed that massive issue op?

[Bloodyfuckit]

@loveyoudoll

Well, having seen your update, he is a sleaze and so are his mates. You have far bigger issues than a comment about aftershave.

It's a milestone birthday coming up for him. One of his mates bought him a porn mag from the year he was born as a present. Gave it to him last weekend. He thought it was brilliant and said how thoughtful his mate was. His mate is a prick in so many ways but I felt utterly humiliated and beyond angry.

[TheresAnEyeInMeSoup]

Ok, well that was drip feed!!

I'd be more annoyed about the porn than the comment.

[HeartvsBrain]

I am going to the dental hospital on Wednesday to have 2 teeth out, I will be wearing perfume (if I remember in my terror), because the poor chap has to be up close and personal to me for quite a long time - I hope I don't over do it, I don"t want him choking and swooning from the fumes! I do the same when going to my GP as well. If my husband said anything I would tell him it was for the charming dentist/Dr, just to tease him.

[NiceGerbil]

If it was a self depreciating/sarcastic joke or just being silly (as he's so obviously devoted) then ok ish

But if he was my OH I'd find the carry on style of it pretty grim. Sid James in the hosp bed leering at all the nurses who were young and attractive naturally in the main.

Is he generally sexist?

[TheresAnEyeInMeSoup]

Does he know the porn mag bothered you?

[AnneLovesGilbert]

So dump him.

[Bloodyfuckit]

@LawnFever

Not more to this comment but there are other things getting right on my nerves. Like the constant stream of shared porn pictures on his friends WhatsApp group

So you think he’s a sleaze and this is why the aftershave comment has hit a nerve, has he always been like this? How long have you been together?

15 years and no, not always been like this.

[Justmuddlingalong]

And yet there you are cuddled up in bed with him. How nice for you. Are you going to dump his sleazy arse or just put up with him?

[Bloodyfuckit]

@TheresAnEyeInMeSoup

Does he know the porn mag bothered you?

Yes. He said, I know it bothers you but it's really thoughtful of him.

[NiceGerbil]

'One of his mates bought him a porn mag from the year he was born as a present. Gave it to him last weekend. He thought it was brilliant and said how thoughtful his mate was.'

Yuckyuck yuck.

They sound like a lovely bunch.

Also tell him it's fake. There are no old school porn mags available any more as they lived exclusively in hedges and so are now long gone