Worried about moving in with my girlfriend and her kid.

[Worried198X]

Hi all,

I worried about moving in with my girlfriend and her kids

She's written mug all over you OP. If you want to carry on then move in and she'll live happy ever after.

It's your choice.

I know a man who ended his engagement with a woman because of this . He wasn't ready to live in a similar situation.

What exactly do you get out of this relationship?

If she has teenagers then she should be working full time not a few hours per week.

This has disaster written all over it. You will have no control over the dc and they could be at home for another 10 years or more.

Ha! I can see why she wants you to move in from your updates!

Don't do it.

I'm another who says don't move in - be honest with her though & tell her why.

Ok, so you can't do anything about this.

Her kids, her house, her shit-tip, lack of earnings, sporadic ill health.

What you can do is think fuck this and not move in and subject yourself to it all.

And when she says if you don't move in soon then it's over, say Yep. I think it's time to call it a day. We have different views on life. Have a good one.

It looks like she sees you as a meal ticket/mug and you are falling for it.

End it with her. You'll find someone with less baggage.

I think a lot of parents have allowed their kids more leeway than normal recently because Covid restrictions have been hard on everyone. But this goes, way, way beyond cutting the kids a bit of slack - she is basically happy to let them do whatever they like.

She has given you two very clear demands: 'move in,' and 'don't try to change how her family lives.'

Her alternative is 'break up.' I'd choose that, if I were you.

Moving in would be a BAD idea. It doesn't sounds as if she likes or respects you much.

Wow so shes raising her children to have the same amount of respect for others as she has for you.

Do you suffer from low self esteem?
Really think about what you LOVE about HER and the kids and this scenario. I think youll really struggle beyond "its nice that someone likes and its company". You can find this with others, or be happy on your own, without all this extra disgusting behaviour. Raise your bar. You deserve a lot better.

No wonder she wants you to move in, youre basically a meal ticket and a cleaner all in 1. And, shes trained you already NOT to complain about the teenagers dreadful behaviour that she seems perfectly happy with.

Run for the hills, please.

Just keep your place and stay at hers as it suits you. You can have a solid relationship without living together, as you have to this point. There’s no way I’d be moving in.

And when we moved out of Ireland “presses” and “roaring” were two words we had to change in our vocabulary so people could understand what we were saying. It’s lovely to see them being used again in such a casual manner OP!

If the GF is only working a few hours a week then is she receiving some type of benefit? If so you realise you will have to support her and the kids as i don't think it is legal for her to continue receiving a benefit if you live together.

You'll regret it if you move in with her. You have different "parenting" styles and all it result in is resentment.

your partner sounds like my ex, he "guilty" parented. So chores and discipline were basically non existent. It became intolerable and i started resenting him over time as he would run after them and clean up (I refused to do it). It will never end as long as they live at home.

Also moving in together is not necessarily progression (to me society has dictated this idea) or the best thing for a relationship. Stay in your own home and continue to date, but based on her attitude and her ultimatum i'd just end it.

Your update just makes it even more obvious that she just wants a skivvy, and one that will pay. Is that how you think you should be treated? Keep your own place. If she dumps you for not moving in, then consider a bullet dodged. Otherwise, have a relationship but live separately. Though fuck knows what you see in her.

Things that drive you mad for a couple of days, with send you round the bend.

Do not do it!

Don't do it, it isn't going to work.

Remember the old MN mantra @Worried198X.....

Run. Run for the hills and don't look back!

@HollowTalk

'Presses' is commonly used in Ireland. They're not 'changing the language' ffs!

Agreed - it never seems to occur to some people that their way isn't the only way - sorry for the derail

If she works part time you need to consider the impact this will have on your partners finances, it could reduce any benefits she is currently getting. If that happens you could also be financially responsible for your girlfriend and her children.

I wouldn’t be moving in with her, and to be honest would be reconsidering the relationship if she has given you an ultimatum about progression

She won’t do anything about her kids, you have years of this and will just end up resenting her

It’s her choice to run round after the kids and let them do as they do, she has made it clear she is not going to change anything, you already have concerns about your sleep

Do give her an ultimatum, sort hers kids out, you move in no sorting no moving in and if that’s the end of the relationship so be it. Move in and it’s unlikely to last long as you get resentful

She sounds awful, don’t move in, move on and find someone who will appreciate you

You are a mug ... why on earth are you moving in with her?

Just say 'no' ... why are you so enthralled by her ? . She says she wants 'progression' ... but what do you want ? Do you always do whatever your GF wants?

Everyone should feel comfortable and respected in their own home. If you move in with your girlfriend and her feral children, this will not be the case. You will be constantly stressed and you'll never be able to sit down because she'll always have another job for you to do, or there'll always be more of their mess to tidy up. I agree with everyone else that you should steer clear.

Ah now here OP, you can do a lot better than that for yourself. Being single and alone would be much better than this. If you devoted the time, money and effort you are expending on this woman and family, on your own house, your own well-being or even doing voluntary work or pushing ahead at work, think how much better you'd be. This woman has no respect for you, clearly. You have to respect yourself though. I have teen children and am single. Mine are much nicer and more respectful on the whole than these sound but even the nicest kids these ages are hard work. As it happens, I wouldn't move someone in because I wouldn't impose them on someone or indeed someone on them. If someone was willing to move in though and they were as nice to me as you seem to be, Id be damned sure I'd treat them well and up my game. You haven't even moved in yet and she's treating you like shit.

You’d be absolutely nuts to move in. Don’t do it.

@CervixHaver

Presses open? Sorry what on earth does that mean?!?!

Irish for cupboards.