Worried about moving in with my girlfriend and her kid.

[Worried198X]

Hi all,

I worried about moving in with my girlfriend and her kids

Why on earth would you move in with her when you know it'll be awful and end anyway?

'Presses' is commonly used in Ireland. They're not 'changing the language' ffs!

@AdaColeman

Presses = cupboards

Yes sorry cupboards, old habits die hard

Definitely don't move in. That would be madness. Just tell her it wouldn't work right now.

Off topic but never heard of the presses thing for cupboards. What part of the country is that from?

Don’t move in with her then

Never going to work. Keep your own place until they’ve grown up and moved out. Or find someone without children.

Presses are cupboards in Scotland too - the linen press, and the hot press (airing cupboard)

Don’t move in, OP.

I think you'd be a complete idiot to leave secure accommodation to move to somewhere you don't like already.

If she's giving you that ultimatum then the relationship is doomed whether you move in or not.

Is she a brilliant mind, stunningly beautiful, amazing in bed, sitting on a trust fund, hilarious, that makes this seem like a good idea despite the obvious downsides?

If no trust fund, what discussions have you had about finances?

Don’t do it.

@Worried198X Does she give you any reasoning at all, for why she allows her kids to be essentially, feral?

Do not move in.

And also end it. Because of this..

she gets highly offended and starts calling me all the names under the sun

What do the kids think about you moving in?

Don't do it!!! I've got kids that age and whilst they're not perfect, they're not that bad. I wouldn't be asking someone to move in knowing they have an early start for work and my kids are on screens til the wee small hours. Sod that. It'll just end in arguments, and will be all your fault. If she doesn't want to carry on a relationship with you without you moving in, then it's time for a very frank conversation or to go your seperate ways.

She sounds like a terrible parent with no respect for you. Do not move in!

Do you do anything other than the dishes? Does she have a dishwasher, or is it being done by hand? I personally don't think doing the dishes is much of a contribution especially when someone else has cooked for you. And if that's all you do and you're already complaining about it probably better for both of you if you don't move in. Tell her you're happy with the current arrangement and she can do what she wants with that information.

And break up with her!

[quote CervixHaver]@Worried198X Does she give you any reasoning at all, for why she allows her kids to be essentially, feral?[/quote]
Not really, their father left a few years ago and has nothing to do with them so I guess she doesn't want to be too hard on them.

This isn't going to end well. Essentially it's her way or the highway, which since it's her kids, yes that's the way it is. But if you move in with unresolved issues like this it's not going to go well.

The problem of her blowing up and calling you names, plus pressuring you to 'move in or it's over' is an even bigger issue.

The fact that shes threatening to end things with you if you don't move in is a sign of things to come. She will want everything her way or else there will be consequences for you. Also her inability to listen and refusing to discuss your concerns shows a blatant disregard for your opinions and feelings.
My advice is do not move in and if she carries out her threat of ending things then its her loss.
I have a feeling however that if you do walk away she will suddenly be open to listening and discussions

Don't move in with someone who calls you all the names under the sun in any circumstances. Anyone can do better than being treated like that.

OP I wouldn't move in yet, it isn't going to work.

Also

Definition of press cupboard
: a 16th and 17th century cupboard

@CervixHaver I think press is an old English word for cupboard that is still used in some areas if not England itself.

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

Do you do anything other than the dishes? Does she have a dishwasher, or is it being done by hand? I personally don't think doing the dishes is much of a contribution especially when someone else has cooked for you. And if that's all you do and you're already complaining about it probably better for both of you if you don't move in. Tell her you're happy with the current arrangement and she can do what she wants with that information.

All dishes are done by hand. I bring coal, food for at least half our meals, 80% of the alcohol we drink and I get an Indian once a month. I cook breakfast every sat and sun (am up earlier than my girlfriend). We cook dinner jointly I cook and she chops and cleans up as we go sets the table or vice versa. I take out the ashes set the fire. Over the last couple of years I've done every diy job in the house including spending 4 days of my holidays giving her daughtes room a full makeover, changing her cooking hob, hanging numerous pictures, wall cabinets/shelves, changing light fittings, tidying her shed and garage, putting down paving stones in her garden, building her a compost bin, cleaning the chimney, painting her garden fence etc... I do more work in her house than I do in mine which i struggle to get the time to keep clean,

It’s not a good idea to move in. She doesn’t want to change her kids and it will end up driving you absolutely insane, which will cause tension and arguments. Your relationship will not survive it I can promise you that.

You’re setting yourself up for a fail moving in. If your girlfriend loves you, she will understand and want to keep the relationship but live separately.

Sorry, OP, but I think this spells the end of the relationship. She's not going to change and nor are her children. She's been clear that she wants things to progress or it's over; you've been equally clear about the changes you would like to see happen and she's said no. There really isn't anywhere to go from here. Don't move in with her!