Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you consider a male partner 17 years younger

157 replies

HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 17:00

Just that really...It’s a bit (a lot) of a hypothetical as I’m only recently separated so not dating for now. But I have an attraction for a much younger man (early 30s) - a lot of which is based on his personality and outlook on life (not just the physical - promise 😉). It’s an acceptable age difference the other way round but I can’t help think people would view the older female / younger man combo oddly.

Has it worked for anyone you know?

OP posts:
Thisisnotwhatiwant · 17/04/2021 17:12

It wouldn’t bother me... however, I don’t have children. I think that can affect some people’s thinking as the potential partner can be closer in age to adult children. Just my take on it. I’m more interested in the fact I get along with the guy, have common interests and outlook on life. But also would bear in mind it’s unlikely to be a very long term relationship, although I do know of those that are. Good luck 😊

Bagelsandbrie · 17/04/2021 17:16

If he already has children I think go for it but otherwise potentially he will just have a bit of fun and then go off and find someone to settle down with and have children with.... obviously not everyone wants children and also you might also just be happy for a bit of fun with him but that’s what i would be wondering anyway.

Fuzzynavelgazer · 17/04/2021 17:30

Been there, done that and got the t-shirt.
It lasted 5 years. It was great in the early stages but then the age gap became more and more apparent.
Its a nice idea but put into practice, the difference in ages and stages of life proved too difficult.

Sittinonthesand · 17/04/2021 17:33

No! And I don’t think it’s ok the other way round either.

jannyapple · 17/04/2021 17:47

I was in this position a few years ago .. decided to give it a go but couldn't cope with the looks and comments ... I know I should have been stronger but I was thinking of in another 10 years I'll be aging and he'll still be in his prime .. I was so scared anyone would ask if I was his mum ! I don't regret my decision. But I do think of him often .

Beamur · 17/04/2021 17:50

My Dad is 17 years older than his wife.
I reckon if you like him, he likes you, then why not.
The age gap may be more of a problem down the line but maybe deal with it, if it happens.

Tomyoneandonly · 17/04/2021 17:59

Depends on stage of life if he wants children ect. It can work though my step grandad is the same age as my dm. And my grandparents have been together until my dgm died last year and he loved every step she took. Married for 40+years.

Original poster
HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 18:32

@Fuzzynavelgazer

Been there, done that and got the t-shirt. It lasted 5 years. It was great in the early stages but then the age gap became more and more apparent. Its a nice idea but put into practice, the difference in ages and stages of life proved too difficult.
In what ways did the age gap become more apparent? Looks etc?
OP posts:
Original poster
HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 18:35

@jannyapple

I was in this position a few years ago .. decided to give it a go but couldn't cope with the looks and comments ... I know I should have been stronger but I was thinking of in another 10 years I'll be aging and he'll still be in his prime .. I was so scared anyone would ask if I was his mum ! I don't regret my decision. But I do think of him often .
Aww. This touched me. Yes I could see that. A 60 year old woman and a 43 year old man look quite different 😢.

I do think of Sam Taylor Johnson and Aaron Johnson. Their age gap is even bigger. But it’s perhaps easier in Celeb / actor circles

OP posts:
BackyardDeckchair · 17/04/2021 18:36

I wouldn't advise a seventeen year age gap in either direction to be honest.

I've got relatives with a similar gap, all fine and dandy until you've got an eighty year old and a sixty-something. The sixty something has been very much limited by what the eighty year old can do physically, in terms of holidays and activities etc. and is facing the prospect of becoming the carer of the eighty year old/paying for their care elsewhere.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 17/04/2021 18:39

No, not unless he's completed having children.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 17/04/2021 18:40

No, my friend did and it was disastrous

jannyapple · 17/04/2021 18:46

I'm very tempted to say "fuck it" enjoy and see where it goes !
Life is too short @HaggisBurger

HarryBlackberry1 · 17/04/2021 18:55

My partner is 12 years younger (48/36). We have been together 5 years and getting married in the Summer. I have a child, he doesn't. We have talked about maybe fostering in the future. To hell with what people think. If you're happy and not harming anyone, then who cares!

DenisetheMenace · 17/04/2021 18:56

Does he want kids? That needs to be established before you become too involved.

HarryBlackberry1 · 17/04/2021 18:58

We did have the conversation about children early on, and I have brought it up a few times, but he says he's happy. We have a fur baby. I agree though, you need to have this conversation. It's important.

BackforGood · 17/04/2021 19:05

There will be exceptions, but I think that is a big age gap either way. Not sure why you think it is fine one way but not the other.
Yes, you will find examples where it has worked, but I think it is too big an age gap for it to be statistically likely to work.

Original poster
HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 19:09

@HarryBlackberry1

My partner is 12 years younger (48/36). We have been together 5 years and getting married in the Summer. I have a child, he doesn't. We have talked about maybe fostering in the future. To hell with what people think. If you're happy and not harming anyone, then who cares!
So glad it’s working out so well. See I think that’s within my “acceptable” age gap range a lot more. That’s half a decade less 😂

Yes the kids thing would be key for me to know. And I don’t know his position on wanting kids (but certainly I’m done)

OP posts:
Original poster
HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 19:09

What happened?

OP posts:
Original poster
HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 19:14

Sorry that last was for @CeeceeBloomingdale

OP posts:
SimonJT · 17/04/2021 19:17

No, because I’m 33, if I was single I’d happily go 17 years older, because of my age I wouldn’t go more than eight years younger as someone younger than that is likely looking for very different things in a relationship.

bluechameleon · 17/04/2021 19:21

No. I can't imagine we would have the same priorities or outlook. I am nearly 40 and am a very different person from who I was ten years ago.

MadMadMadamMim · 17/04/2021 19:25

No, I wouldn't and I don't think it's advisable the other way round, either.

It's almost a generation age gap. And I never think that when one partner is older enough to be the other one's Mum or Dad that it's a great idea.

I cannot imagine that you are at the same point in life and wanting the same things. It seems likely to cause an imbalance in the relationship.

Maggiesfarm · 17/04/2021 19:43

No, not a partner, we would have little in common after a while and he might well fancy someone nearer his age.

However if i was single and fancied a fling, that would be different.

Happycat1212 · 17/04/2021 19:44

No I wouldn’t date someone 17 years younger or older