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Original poster

Would you consider a male partner 17 years younger

157 replies

HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 17:00

Just that really...It’s a bit (a lot) of a hypothetical as I’m only recently separated so not dating for now. But I have an attraction for a much younger man (early 30s) - a lot of which is based on his personality and outlook on life (not just the physical - promise 😉). It’s an acceptable age difference the other way round but I can’t help think people would view the older female / younger man combo oddly.

Has it worked for anyone you know?

OP posts:
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 17/04/2021 19:45

Wow yes please Grin
However I never want a serious relationship again so just casual dating.

Nicolastuffedone · 17/04/2021 19:48

No.

IamnotH · 17/04/2021 19:49

Yes for a fling/casual relationship but I wouldn't want it to be a long term relationship.

I've told DH if he ever leaves I'm getting younger men in and growing old disgracefully Grin

MintyCedric · 17/04/2021 20:07

I met a guy online last year (through a shared interest not OLD) who is 13 years my junior.

We are not in a relationship but have been enjoying a very (at times) flirty friendship for several months. I have more in common with him and he makes me smile more than any guy I've met (including my ex husband) and whilst I'm more than happy for things to remain as they are, if the opportunity presented itself I'd almost certainly go there!

I think what stage you're at and what you respectively want out of life is far more important than an arbitrary number and society's associated judgements.

ChutneyNose · 17/04/2021 20:15

It's a no from me. The guy being older I think is different, but with the women being the older one, I don't think it would work.

FunnyWonder · 17/04/2021 20:37

There's a 19 year age gap between my BIL (36) and his older partner and, if I'm honest, he treats her more like his mum than his partner. It wasn't like this at the start, when he was mid twenties and she was mid forties, but the relationship dynamic has changed. I am around the same age as her, as DP is much older than his brother. They are still together I guess, but I honestly don't know how she puts up with him!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 17/04/2021 20:40

No, that would be too much of an age gap for me either way. Both at very different points in life and likely want different things in future.

Sooobored · 17/04/2021 20:43

I don’t know any couples where the woman is much older than the man. I only know couples where there is an age difference of three or four years.

mindutopia · 17/04/2021 20:45

Dh is 7 years younger than I am. He was when we met and still probably is the more together and mature of the two of us. He probably isn’t typical of most people his age. We had our first dc when he was 24 and he started a business that is now earning him over £100k a year. He definitely wasn’t a typical 24 year old.

But no personally I wouldn’t date someone nearly 20 years younger than me. At early 20s/late 20s we weren’t far off the same place in life. But 17 years is probably too much.

MaeveDidIt · 17/04/2021 20:50

No way.
You'd be wasting your time.
He'd get loads of stick from everyone.
I see you're out with your mum again type comments and everyone would pity you behind your back.
I've seen it time and time again over the years.

GreenClock · 17/04/2021 20:50

I don’t know anyone where the age gap is more than a decade. I think it’s quite unusual but not insurmountable. I reckon in your particular situation, children could be the dealbreaker; I’d be more optimistic if you were both parents already.

blackheartsgirl · 17/04/2021 20:59

My mum is 72 and my stepdad is 55.

It doesn't work to be honest. Shes paranoid he's going to run off with a younger woman and its aged him because he's of a different generation and she's also in poor health so he's ended up being her carer.
They both have no life and all they do is argue

tiredmum2468 · 17/04/2021 21:01

I think the most important thing is that you both want the same things eg if "you're done" and he wants kids don't waste each other's time
If he doesn't want a family and you have lots in common and are in the same page go for it x

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 17/04/2021 21:06

No but 17 years younger would be 26 which is how old my son is so that's probably putting me off!

autumnboys · 17/04/2021 21:06

No, I wouldn’t, but at this point in my life, a man 17 years younger than me would be closer in age to my oldest child and equidistant in age between me and my youngest child.

swirls3468 · 17/04/2021 21:08

I think the most important thing is that you share similar values! Age shouldn't get in the way if you like each other. My partner is 10 years older than me.
Also my mums boyfriend is 14 years younger than her and she's very happy! She's 54, he's 40 xx

KingdomScrolls · 17/04/2021 22:22

No because it would mean I had to date and eighteen year old boy. The sex would be terrible, I wouldn't understand most of what he said, I'd be a distraction from school and his mum would hate me.

Trixie78 · 17/04/2021 22:23

God no

jiigsaw · 17/04/2021 22:26

No, definitely not, because he’d be closer in age to my children than to me.

PusheenLove · 17/04/2021 22:39

@ChutneyNose

It's a no from me. The guy being older I think is different, but with the women being the older one, I don't think it would work.
Aside from the issue of kids, why??
Livandme · 17/04/2021 22:53

I know a couple who are 55 (m) and 69 (F)
They've been together 30+ years
Oldest dc of F is closer in age to the m. Parents of m are closer in age to the f.
I think they were v happy in earlier years but not so much now.
As a pp said, it feels like a big difference as the oldest gets older.

That said, I'd give it a go and see how it goes but be prepared for the negative too

ZappedOut · 17/04/2021 23:23

Would I? No. Never. More than a year or two younger is the absolute maximum. I have friends with younger partners no more than 10 years younger and the age gap when we all hang out was so evident. Not as much now but still noticeable. It would drive me crazy putting up with that for more than the few hours we get together for.

But I have seen people happy with larger age gaps and last the distance it's an individual choice and dependant on the two parties involved. It can work. I have even seen an older couple with an age gap that could even be more years apart but he was 90 she was 70s and still so active so the age gap was again more evident and she had basically become his care taker when she wanted to be off playing tennis and bowls with friends. So I think about both ends of life and it just isn't for me. But everyone is different.

QuiteGood · 17/04/2021 23:26

Yes

Opentooffers · 18/04/2021 00:00

It's horses for courses I think really, I know a couple where she's 18 years older (71 now) I went to their wedding a few years ago. They seem to be fine, though she has her ailments ( and does post about them regularly on FB) she also has a get on with it regardless mentality, has a big sense of fun, and fits in fine with the rest of us when socialising, so it seems to work.
Regardless, it wouldn't be for me ( only as a fling maybe) but that's just my choice, I've dated much older myself, and personally wouldn't bother again as I find the difference in zeal too much and it gets dull fast.

MrsDude · 18/04/2021 00:31

My dad is 14 years younger than his wife, they met when he was 31 and she was 45, now she is 82 and he is 68 - they are still happily married but for me he has aged prematurely and older than his years, saying that they seem happy enough together!