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Original poster

Would you consider a male partner 17 years younger

157 replies

HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 17:00

Just that really...It’s a bit (a lot) of a hypothetical as I’m only recently separated so not dating for now. But I have an attraction for a much younger man (early 30s) - a lot of which is based on his personality and outlook on life (not just the physical - promise 😉). It’s an acceptable age difference the other way round but I can’t help think people would view the older female / younger man combo oddly.

Has it worked for anyone you know?

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 18/04/2021 18:53

It's a no from me because of various personal experiences. My daughter's father was 12 years older than me and it became a massive problem eventually. We split. I've had a long FWB relationship and he was 10 years younger but I wasn't bothered about this as neither of us wanted anything more than that and when he met somebody nearer his own age, we ended our relationship. He deserved to have somebody who was prepared to commit and have children.

There is a 21 year gap between my Dad and Stepmum. It was fine until he got Alzheimers and she's now 61 caring for him in his 80's and she's a very young 61 too (also not that much older than me!). She adores him and they have been married a long time but I am not sure how much thought they gave the future at the beginning 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
HaggisBurger · 19/04/2021 11:18

@Moonland

Is he a teenager op?
Jeez. No. 😬
OP posts:
Sakurami · 19/04/2021 11:33

I think it is creepy and even though you may look young for your age, there comes a time when your age becomes more apparent.

I'm early 50s and people assume I'm in my 30s but I haven't gone through the menopause yet so I think I will age quite noticeably then (based on what I see with some friends).

When I was dating I had 5 years either side as my limits. I think that is a good age gap. I briefly dated someone 7 years younger than me in my 20s (I was 29) and even that didn't feel right.

ItscoldinAlaska · 19/04/2021 11:47

My DP was in a 13 year relationship with a woman 18 years older than him. But it started when he was 17 and she was married at 35...with a 16 year old son and she is a secondary teacher! It was a disaster tbh and she ended up having an affair, with another younger man behind his back. I really judge her tbh. She still tries to contact him now. No boundaries. But I think as you get older the gap seems less of a big deal doesn't it?

Alcemeg · 19/04/2021 11:56

@Magissa

My mum was 19 years older than my dad. She was 46 when I was born, my dad was 27. She looked good for her age. She died when she was 85. I remember saying to one of her friends that she still looked amazing considering her age and her friend was surprised and asked me what I meant. Turned out her friend had just assumed they were a similar age ( friend at the time was early 60s). She was stunned when I told her. My mum and dad had a very happy marriage.
I'm glad it's not just me, @Magissa, that's a lovely story!

My husband is 23 years younger than me. I'm 60 now.

The reason the age gap doesn't matter to either of us is that we won the lottery when we finally met someone who completely "got" us. We never argue, just laugh all the time and have fun together while also pursuing our own interests. Sometimes we get pissed and stay up dancing all night, taking it in turns to play stuff on YouTube. We live in the middle of nowhere, with no particular social life because we're just happy in each other's company.

Another reason this is possible is that he literally, doesn't give a fuck what I look like. Which is just as well sometimes 🤣 I do look young for my age, but that's not the point. He's not going to love me any less when I don't.

And we have learned not to give a fuck about other people's judgement.

I think the reason most people find it easier to accept when the sexes are reversed is that women are only valued for how shaggable they are. Even now. Even among women. It's really sad.

I think if you feel a real connection with someone you, there's no harm in seeing where it goes.

LockdownLard · 19/04/2021 11:58

@Sakurami

I think it is creepy and even though you may look young for your age, there comes a time when your age becomes more apparent.

I'm early 50s and people assume I'm in my 30s but I haven't gone through the menopause yet so I think I will age quite noticeably then (based on what I see with some friends).

When I was dating I had 5 years either side as my limits. I think that is a good age gap. I briefly dated someone 7 years younger than me in my 20s (I was 29) and even that didn't feel right.

Wow - creepy? Two adults having a consensual relationship based on how well they get on together? I actually find your comment very offensive.

You can get very fit and active 70yos and you can also get 50/60yos who have poor health and mobility - Nobody knows what will happen in the future, and to not have a relationship with someone you click with and get on well with, based on what might happen in 15-20 years or what other people think is just ridiculous.

jannyapple · 19/04/2021 12:49

@Sakurami that's a bit harsh surely ?

Sakurami · 20/04/2021 11:32

Yes creepy. Both men and women. My parents are 20ish years older than me. I can't imagine either of them being with people the same age as their children. It is wrong. They are in a different stage of life.

I don't look at people so much younger than me as potential mates, in the same way that I don't look at my friends' husbands as potential mates.

I see a lot of older men with young partners on social media and think it is wrong. They have children the same age. I wonder if they would be happy for their daughters to end up with such older partners?

PinotPony · 20/04/2021 12:25

I'm 46 and DP is 28 so there is an 18 year age gap. My kids are 15 and 11, he has none. I guess I'm a terrible creepy person... 🙄

He is emotionally intelligent and mature. I think I'm quite "young at heart", fit and active. He say there is a lot less drama dating someone older with a bit of life experience.

We have lots in common, can talk for hours. I love his energy... the physicality of him... not just sex but us running around playing with my kids and dog. Yes, he doesn't get some of my references but that's no big deal. I'm enjoying introducing him to all my favourite movies!

Will it last? Probably not. He says he doesn't want kids but that might change. We know we're on different paths. We joked the other day that I'm setting him up to be the perfect husband for his future wife!

But I'm a firm believer in doing what makes you happy now, not worrying about the future. If you find love you should seize it. Live for today!

Nicolastuffedone · 20/04/2021 12:46

No.

Zenithbear · 20/04/2021 13:05

No 1 year younger and 2 years older is my limit.
My dp is same age and at the same stage of life.

sunnyzweibrucken · 20/04/2021 14:16

I think any gap larger than 10 yrs wouldn't work for me. But everyone is different. I have a coworker who is 12-15 yrs younger than her DH and they have been happily together for 20 yrs with two children. but she's an "old soul" and I couldn't picture her with anyone her own age unless they had an "old soul" as well. I think it depends on personality more so than age most of the time.

Original poster
HaggisBurger · 20/04/2021 14:17

@Alcemeg - you always inspire me 😊😊😊 seriously. I love this (not because I think I’ll end up with this guy tbh but because it’s such a beautiful love story!). You’ve posted on another thread of mine too I think 💙

OP posts:
Original poster
HaggisBurger · 20/04/2021 14:21

@Zenithbear

No 1 year younger and 2 years older is my limit. My dp is same age and at the same stage of life.
Wow. Obvs whatever works for you but that’s .... specific 😊. My stbxh is 2 weeks older than me. Handy for joint milestone birthdays etc etc
OP posts:
Original poster
HaggisBurger · 20/04/2021 14:22

@sunnyzweibrucken

I think any gap larger than 10 yrs wouldn't work for me. But everyone is different. I have a coworker who is 12-15 yrs younger than her DH and they have been happily together for 20 yrs with two children. but she's an "old soul" and I couldn't picture her with anyone her own age unless they had an "old soul" as well. I think it depends on personality more so than age most of the time.
Yeah tbh .. 10 years younger and older is probably my ideal parameters tbh. Which gives me a fair scope 😂
OP posts:
Original poster
HaggisBurger · 20/04/2021 14:24

@PinotPony

I'm 46 and DP is 28 so there is an 18 year age gap. My kids are 15 and 11, he has none. I guess I'm a terrible creepy person... 🙄

He is emotionally intelligent and mature. I think I'm quite "young at heart", fit and active. He say there is a lot less drama dating someone older with a bit of life experience.

We have lots in common, can talk for hours. I love his energy... the physicality of him... not just sex but us running around playing with my kids and dog. Yes, he doesn't get some of my references but that's no big deal. I'm enjoying introducing him to all my favourite movies!

Will it last? Probably not. He says he doesn't want kids but that might change. We know we're on different paths. We joked the other day that I'm setting him up to be the perfect husband for his future wife!

But I'm a firm believer in doing what makes you happy now, not worrying about the future. If you find love you should seize it. Live for today!

Your post divorce life is a bit of an inspiration to me @PinotPony from some of the other body & soul boards. Nothing in the least bit creepy about that at all to me 😊😊
OP posts:
minniemomo · 20/04/2021 14:28

10 years either side as a maximum in my opinion

Alcemeg · 20/04/2021 14:38

@HaggisBurger, bless you, thank you, what a kind comment 💗 and yes, our paths have crossed elsewhere on MN! 🤩

I'm glad you don't think I'm a horrible pervert who gets off on drinking the blood of young boys I keep tethered in the cellar.

@PinotPony, this is very much us too: He is emotionally intelligent and mature. I think I'm quite "young at heart", fit and active. He says there is a lot less drama dating someone older with a bit of life experience. We can talk for hours...

I did try marrying more appropriately the first time round. It lasted nearly two decades, but I wasn't happy. DH#1 was very childish and selfish. DH#2 is very wise and considerate.

We both spent a long time assuming there was no future in this relationship because of the age gap. I just naturally assumed that it was only a matter of time before he met someone more appropriate, and he assumed the same about me.

I often made jokes like yours, PinotPony. And when the ideal partner for him turned up, I made myself scarce and left them to it. I was very resigned to the fact that I'd actually experienced real love at last, and that was wonderful enough. It didn't matter that it wasn't going to be for ever.

And guess what, it turned out he wasn't the slightest bit interested in her! He was really worried about me, though. I'd gone quiet, and he feared I'd got some terrible illness or something. He was so relieved, and couldn't stop laughing, when I told him what I'd assumed.

At that point we stopped trying to decide what was best for the other person and just got on with life together, and have never looked back. We often count our blessings about how lucky we are.

BitOfFun · 20/04/2021 14:53

What a beautiful and inspiring post, Alcemeg, thank you! My own parents had a gap of 17-18 years, and a happy marriage of fifty years until Dad died.

wishywashy6 · 20/04/2021 15:05

My OH is 11 years younger than me. We don't notice the age gap... what's another 6 years 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

There's 20 years between my Dad and my step mum and they've been happily married for over 25 years now.

Go for it I say!

LockdownLard · 20/04/2021 17:28

@Sakurami

Yes creepy. Both men and women. My parents are 20ish years older than me. I can't imagine either of them being with people the same age as their children. It is wrong. They are in a different stage of life.

I don't look at people so much younger than me as potential mates, in the same way that I don't look at my friends' husbands as potential mates.

I see a lot of older men with young partners on social media and think it is wrong. They have children the same age. I wonder if they would be happy for their daughters to end up with such older partners?

I’d rather be creepy than uptight. I didn’t exactly go out marauding poor innocent grown men in their late 30s to lure them back to my granny parlour with half an eye on them nursing me in my dotage, but you’re entitled to your views, despite them being rather narrow minded and rude. I rather suspect you probably act every year of your age and then some, so no it probably wouldn’t work for you.
19thNamechange · 20/04/2021 17:30

Ooh, yes please! He'd be 31.

Pyewackect · 20/04/2021 17:32

It would be pend on the individual but that's a big age difference and would need some thought.

SylvieHortensis · 21/04/2021 17:45

No one seems to bat an eye with George Clooney being 17 years older than Amal.

Bluedeblue · 21/04/2021 18:07

NOPE

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