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Original poster

Would you consider a male partner 17 years younger

157 replies

HaggisBurger · 17/04/2021 17:00

Just that really...It’s a bit (a lot) of a hypothetical as I’m only recently separated so not dating for now. But I have an attraction for a much younger man (early 30s) - a lot of which is based on his personality and outlook on life (not just the physical - promise 😉). It’s an acceptable age difference the other way round but I can’t help think people would view the older female / younger man combo oddly.

Has it worked for anyone you know?

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 22/04/2021 15:59

Sugested life rules.

  1. Is this what you want?
  2. Is it lawful?
  3. Are you consenting adults?
  4. Will anyone else be harmed by this?

If you come up with yes, yes, yes, no. You’re away! Literally!

Original poster
HaggisBurger · 23/04/2021 13:11

@StarlightLady these are great rules to live life by!

OP posts:
Keepnamechangin · 26/04/2021 09:55

While it seems ok now maybe later the gap will be more noticeable.
If you will be 60 and he only 43...
My mum had a boyfriend 23 years older.
She met him in her early 30s and he was already in mid 50s.
He looked extraordinary at that time- youngish and fit for his age but later this age was showing more.
I remember I went to see him once 25 years later to pick something up ( they split up years before) and I was shocked how older he looked sadly.

KateWinsome · 26/04/2021 10:01

Eh? So if he was mid 50s when he met your mum, then he would have been around 80 when you saw him 25 years later. So how could you be shocked that he looked older then? Do you not understand how the human body ages?

Alcemeg · 26/04/2021 10:29

It's really true, though: at 60, I do look older than my husband of 38. Surprise! No oestrogen glow!

I told him about this thread the other night and he was shaking his head in disbelief. "It's like no one considers the mind or personality, it's all about looks," he said.

The funny thing is that if he'd said this to me when I met him years ago, I'd have thought he was shitting me, just flattering me for some weird reason, playing mind games.

That's how deeply ingrained it is in us that our value is entirely dominated by what we look like.

I do agree that it takes a very special kind of man to make this work. But they do exist.

KateWinsome · 26/04/2021 21:11

It's really true, though: at 60, I do look older than my husband of 38

No doubt you do but that wasn't my point Smile

Alcemeg · 27/04/2021 08:42

Yes, @KateWinsome -- I was really replying to the PP 😊 especially

If you will be 60 and he only 43...

I'm starting to feel like a proper freak 😋

DH does have plans for if I get senile in old age (assuming I live that long). He's an IT geek, so it involves setting up videos to play each morning when I wake up, reminding me who we are and where I am, before he brings me a cup of tea 💗 ... I mean, it's not like we are in denial about the age gap. But of course there's no guarantee he won't be the one to go first! Or we could both be hit by a meteorite.

Life is complicated, and short enough that if you really do find happiness with someone, make the most of it eh.

wasayoungerman · 27/04/2021 09:07

Based on first hand experience, I would be wary.

In my case it was fine for the first 15 years or so but then when downhill rapidly and we split. The cause of our break up was a combination of several factors, but the main one was related to the age gap (16 years). She became very jealous when I switched jobs from a mainly male environment.

KateWinsome · 27/04/2021 16:13

Life is complicated, and short enough that if you really do find happiness with someone, make the most of it eh

Hear! hear!

It works for President Macron and the vibrant Brigitte Smile

PinotPony · 29/04/2021 07:40

@wasayoungerman

Based on first hand experience, I would be wary.

In my case it was fine for the first 15 years or so but then when downhill rapidly and we split. The cause of our break up was a combination of several factors, but the main one was related to the age gap (16 years). She became very jealous when I switched jobs from a mainly male environment.

So the cause of the split was her jealousy and insecurity then..?
Changechangychange · 29/04/2021 07:43

I wouldn’t, but that’s because I wouldn’t want to go out with some kid in their 20s.

If I was 67 and they were 50, maybe (though that still sounds like a massive gap to me).

Roselilly36 · 29/04/2021 07:50

There are no guarantees in life OP, if you are both happy just give it a go, life is to short to worry about what others think, just do what’s right for you.

Wishing you every happiness for the future OP.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 29/04/2021 08:28

Oh god I couldn't think of anything worse, I married someone 6 years younger than me and even that felt like a big gap.
Tbh I was a young mum so I've if I dated someone that much younger they'd be a year or two older than my son.
But that aside, it's just not something I'd want to do, id look on it more as fun than something with any potential. I'm sure there are young men out there who are mature for their age and don't want kids and find older women attractive (other than just sexually) But I think in the majority of cases that wouldn't be the case and I just couldn't be arsed with the stress of it all.

Cowbells · 29/04/2021 09:27

If I was single and we got on I would. I might feel a bit self conscious but as I am entirely attracted to personality not looks, it would only happen if we really had a lot in common, in which case it's as likely to last as any other relationship.

SVRT19674 · 29/04/2021 11:05

I personally wouldn´t go down that route. I am 46 and dating someone 29? No way!
I prefer someone my own age and on the same page ...but I am fine if it is ok for someone else. Allsorts make up the world.

FedNlanders · 29/04/2021 11:08

No the age gap between me and my son is 17yrs so that would be too weird

Sam1111 · 07/01/2022 18:03

I am just out of an age gap relationship me being 16 years older.. we were together for 12 years, met when he was 20 and me 36. We fell in love deeply and the age gap was never an issue.. we split for other reasons however I miss him terribly and class him as the love of my life. We didn’t look odd as I look young for my age and he is very masculine so complimented each other.. I am mentally younger and he was older so we met in the middle.. Prior to being with him I was married to someone also younger by 8 years however I didn’t see any age gap… marriage was a nightmare though and very controlling on ex husbands part so this relationship to me was perfect and I certainly wouldn’t rule out dating a younger guy again. Age is just a number and if 2 people are compatible it shouldn’t matter

Bowwowwowoh · 07/01/2022 18:06

To answer the message heading: God, yeah, but only for sex Halo

StarCourt · 07/01/2022 18:14

No I wouldn't J married somebody 12 yrs younger than me and that was bad enough!
In my defence he did lie about his age when we met and added 5 yrs on

AbsoluteMeringue · 07/01/2022 19:53

Yes it can work. I met my DP when he was 31 and I was 52.
He chased me and after a long time of feeling very insecure (me) he finally convinced me his feelings were genuine. I have adult children & he doesn't want children of his own which is an important factor.
We get on really, really well and have a great deal in common despite the age gap. I do look younger for my age & keep pretty fit etc (without being a bore about it) so the age difference is not obvious but it's really about love, humour, support, communication & shared goals.
Five years later we can't imagine a life without each other.

Loulouli · 07/01/2022 22:06

@Alcemeg your relationship sounds wonderful and I think you have a great outlook on life.

IamGusFring · 07/01/2022 22:10

ZOMBIE thread .

ListeningButNotHearing · 07/01/2022 22:35

No
With respect, it's completely pointless asking him where he stands with children. People can change vastly over the years.

Anewdress · 07/01/2022 23:02

I'm a woman in a relationship with a man 17 years older (35 and 52). For us it worked (for now) because despite the age difference, we were at similar life stages. We had a child each of a similar age and both wanted another (now have a 2 year old). However, I personally wouldn't want to date a man 17 years younger. Mainly because I'm insecure and I'd be worried about how I looked physically when I get older.

RantyAunty · 07/01/2022 23:08

My 2nd H was 20 years younger.

We were amazingly compatible.

We got married and he had his head turned so it didn't last. That didn't last and he's been alone since and made attempts to get me back but no thanks.

People thought we were the same age as he wore a beard and was balding. I did overhear some women in an airport discussing us saying he was probably my toyboy and you go girl.
I felt pretty awesome really.

It's up to you to go for it or not. I suppose the lesson is relationships don't usually last. If you would be happy with him for say 5 years or so, then why not.

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