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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me understand if I am being abused?!

133 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 13/04/2021 21:25

Hi, been with dp for 13 years, 3 kids.
I am so confused if I am being emotionally abused or over thinking. Maybe I think I am over thinking because I am abused? I don’t know!! My mind is all over and I really would appreciate an outside perspective.
So when we met it was amazing, both of us totally in love and couldn’t be without each other seriously. Constant txts, calls or seeing each other, would fall asleep in the early hours chatting because we couldn’t put the phone down.
These days and for a good 2 years he is very I don’t know mean! If I ever bring anything up he doesn’t want to discuss. He looses his temper, shouts at me, he would say putting his point across, but he shouts, insults me over and over. I rarely bite and shout back but I do sometimes, but that just makes it worse obviously.
Everything is my fault, I point out and stick up for myself and he says his behaviour is my fault, I pushed him to it.
I think I am I reasonable person and open minded, I always try to see his point of view, it’s like three is a block and he is mentally unable to see mine.
For instance, last night I found out he received a payout from hmrc in January, didn’t tell me, spent it on bits and bobs. Also found out he put £900 into erp which I don’t really understand, but lied to my face it was £100 the day before and again last night then decided to tell me. I didn’t say a word. He then went mad, moody, then shouting, name calling etc.

Sorry I can’t explain myself or everything that goes on, but what do you think?
Also he doesn’t do the shouting all the time, he is usually very loving, it’s around once a month. He will blow up, punch walls, insults, his behaviour is my fault.
Doesn’t come to bed with me ever.
I spend my life cleaning, wfh, cooking, washing with no recognition. Doesn’t help with anything at all apart from cleaning up after tea, it’s my job because he works more hours than me. That pisses me off but maybe he is right?
My mind is all over! I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 13/04/2021 21:39

Yes it is abuse.

Everything else aside, name calling does not exist in any healthy relationship.

And sane people do not punch walls. It is the territory of the sociopath or similar.

Workinghardeveryday · 13/04/2021 21:41

@WanderlustoThank you for posting, but if it only happens now and again and he is usually fine, is it still abusive?

OP posts:
RachelRavenRoth · 13/04/2021 21:45

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@WanderlustoThank you for posting, but if it only happens now and again and he is usually fine, is it still abusive?[/quote]
Of course it is! What else would it be?

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 13/04/2021 21:46

It’s abuse OP

GoToSleepBabyPlease · 13/04/2021 21:49

Yep. Take your kids and leave- they should not grow up seeing their father punching walls, shouting at and insulting their mother.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/04/2021 21:50

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@WanderlustoThank you for posting, but if it only happens now and again and he is usually fine, is it still abusive?[/quote]
How often do you punch walls, break things, call him names, hide money from him?

You don't? Why not?

Answer: because you are not an abusive twat!

Once, for any of the behaviours you listed, is too often!

Myneighboursnorlax · 13/04/2021 21:50

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@WanderlustoThank you for posting, but if it only happens now and again and he is usually fine, is it still abusive?[/quote]
If you found out your favourite cake was baked with 10% dog shit in it, would it still be your favourite cake because 90% of it was made with nice ingredients? Or would you throw it away and never eat it again?

Wanderlusto · 13/04/2021 21:52

Of course it's still abuse. If abusers were always horrible, no one would ever stay.

They do it just enough to keep you in line. And the time inbetween when they are normal/nice is to make you wonder if you are being oversensistive and infact they are not abusive.

Its called 'the cycle of abuse'.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2021 21:54

You get a divorce, that's what you do.

Workinghardeveryday · 13/04/2021 21:54

My mind is totally confused.
This is a very loving man, showers me with love every day - although never gives compliments and we rarely have sex, don’t know if that matters.
When I ever bring anything up, in a nice way believe me, he gets very angry straight away. It’s gone on for a must be a couple of years now. Like I said shouts, calls me names and sometimes punches walls and damages them - that’s my fault, I caused it.
It’s not all the time though, only like once a month, 6 weeks or even couple of months. Is that still abuse given he is overly loving otherwise?
He will do anything for me, but everything wrong in his life is my fault. Makes my mind up for me about certain situations before I even know what they are.
Just so confused!!!

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 13/04/2021 21:54

And psychopaths who kill people, only spend a small amount of their lives actually killing people. Would you want to live with one just because they are acting 'normal' the other 99% of the time? Of course not!

Queenie6655 · 13/04/2021 21:56

Yes sounds similar to my abuser

You should leave
Sorry

Why take that shit

Queenie6655 · 13/04/2021 21:58

Btw I would say with my demon he was nice for 3 weeks then a basta-- for few days , then I fled
Then he begged
Then I returned

You are headed this way
Make your way out ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sparky888 · 13/04/2021 21:59

The shouting and violence are designed to stop you from voicing your opinion. It’s threatening. It affects every other part of your relationship too (and your kids), and your mental health. It’s not just 10%. It’s exhausting and it depletes your mind & energy. I’m sorry.

Wanderlusto · 13/04/2021 22:00

He sounds like a combo of a few of these.

intheknowwithro.blogspot.com/2014/02/nine-types-of-abusers-who-are-you.html?m=1

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 13/04/2021 22:06

So what are these loving behaviours then?

You say he'd do anything for you... but he won't do housework, he won't listen to you etc.

On the other hand, he shuts you down, shouts at you, calls you names ,damages property and then blames it all on you.

Workinghardeveryday · 13/04/2021 22:07

I just can’t get my head around I am being abused after all these years.
I know if I tried to tell him I think he was abusive he would think I was being ridiculous and I suppose I am still confused if I am.
I know you’re all saying the same thing so obviously I must be, but I don’t know, I just can’t accept/understand how someone so loving can be an abuser.
When he shouts and calls me names and tells me it’s my fault I know that’s not right. If I don’t ‘bite’ and rise to him he goes crazy.
He’s never apologetic after what he has done unless I cry and I mean really cry when you’re past yourself with emotion. He will happily let me go to bed upset normally.
Suppose just writing this makes me think I am being an idiot!

OP posts:
GoToSleepBabyPlease · 13/04/2021 22:08

As PP have said- the nice/horrible back and forth is very standard in abusive relationships.

Mygardenisnotperfect · 13/04/2021 22:12

OP you are not an idiot but yes I think this is abuse. It can be very hard to recognise when you are in the middle of it. I really recommend you look up the cycle of abuse and ask yourself if the nice stuff comes in the “honeymoon” period of the abuser being on best behaviour after a blow up crisis and then gradually builds up again til another blow up etc etc. I suggest you loknat doing the Freedom Programme it will help you get clear in your head about what’s going on.

Workinghardeveryday · 13/04/2021 22:16

@AccidentallyOnPurpose
You asked what his loving behaviours are, he will go to the shop at midnight if I asked him, txts me continually all day telling me how much he misses me and loves me. Okay. Thought there was loads more than that but that’s all!
Only got Christmas or birthday presents for last couple of years, lucky to get Mother’s Day card.
That has actually made me think. All these years I thought he was so loving, take the txts away and there is nothing!

OP posts:
Faerysmoke · 13/04/2021 22:19

Do you feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time OP? If so then I would say yes it's abuse.

Workinghardeveryday · 13/04/2021 22:26

@Mygardenisnotperfect
I am honestly so confused and seeing him a different light. He’s not even mentioned last night or apologised for not telling me he spent thousands without telling me and £900 on epr, actually lied to my face.
He was so mean last night I had full on panic attack, I suffered horrible anxiety, it’s horrible, he knows it and pushed and pushed until I couldn’t take anymore.
I looked at the cycle of abuse earlier but it sort of insinuated it was all the time? Maybe I read it wrong. I just feel today I am questioning anything I do or think!

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 13/04/2021 22:28

@Faerysmoke
No, not all the time, just when he is annoyed

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2021 22:29

There is absolutely nothing to be confused about here. He has abused and beaten you down for so long you're a shell of yourself. Tell him to fuck off and get out of there.

Workinghardeveryday · 13/04/2021 22:31

@Wanderlusto
He sounds like a few of these in different periods of our relationship over the years

OP posts: