OP, I don’t like talking about my childhood but this is so frighteningly similar to what I lived, that I can’t not tell you about it.
My father was also ‘a good dad’, a loving husband, and we were the perfect happy family from the outside. He also had a temper, usually once a month. He would punch walls, random items of furniture, and shout at the top of his lungs, I think even the next town over could hear him.
Until one day, he decided the walls and furniture weren’t enough, and he went after my mum. This was 16 years into the relationship. Some men show their true colours once they’ve trapped you. My mum ended up on the floor and with bruises. I was 8. It was not fun to watch.
The physical abuse stopped as one of my siblings threw herself at him trying to defend my mum and he knew deep down she would’ve beaten him to death if he’d continued. See, these men aren’t as strong as they appear. They’re actually big cowards who use physical violence to exercise some kind of control they crave.
The physical abuse stopped, but the emotional abuse went on and on and on. My mum was always at fault. Nothing was ever good enough for him. She was called all kinds of names. We were ‘her retarded children’. I know it hurts to hear these words as an adult, but you have no idea how traumatic it is, going through your teenage years in fear your dad will snap at your mum again, and he’ll tell you once again that you’re good for nothing and are going to become a pariah who can’t even feed themselves in adulthood. Cue various threats to manipulate you even further.
His once a month temper became a three times a day temper over the years. We lived in constant fear.
Do you have supportive family or friends who could help you get out? My mum didn’t. What she did have, was an amazing willpower which meant she ALWAYS answered back (very respectfully) when he was undermining her. Mind you, this is extremely dangerous to do with someone who can be physically abusive. But she didn’t want to teach us that being a passive spectator to any kind of abuse is an option. That was our saving grace. Having our mum fighting for us constantly. It was not the correct way to fight, but she did it.
Please fight his abuse by leaving. Do you have someone who can help you achieve this? He will not leave. He will keep saying ‘you’ll be a failure if you try living without me and your children will blame you for destroying the family, and you’ll never be able to support them and the courts will give them to me. None* of that is true.
My mum stayed. The result is multiple emotionally-unbalanced adult children who have had to relearn what normal is. One of my siblings has grown up thinking insulting people is normal, so that’s the treatment all his friends and teachers get from him. He knows it’s wrong, he cried the loudest when my mum was being put down, begging my dad to stop, but his behaviour has rubbed off. Another sibling is attracted to abusive relationships herself. I suffer greatly from anxiety. None of us are well. We’ve achieved amazing things in life so far, but also carry baggage from how horrible our childhood was (if you ask my dad, he thinks our childhoods were loving and amazing and we were so happy 
).
Your children deserve better. This is not your fault. You haven’t pushed him to anything. He will NOT stop. His behaviour might evolve and change over the years but he will never respect you fully. There will always be a way of undermining you and he will use it at the first opportunity. Your children and you deserve better. Please do it for them.