Best friend stopped speaking to me over coronavirus lockdonw

[Myusernameisnotmyusernameno]

Hello, could really do with some advice please. I have two best friends who I went to school with. One I’ve been friends with since we were 4 years old so 36 years now. We’ve been like sisters all our lives. I’m getting married in September and these two are my adult bridesmaids. But I’d like to sort this even without the wedding.
Since the pandemic started she’s been anti lockdown, anti masks etc and I’ve just tried to not get into it with her as I respect her opinions but I’d rather just do what we have to do to get back to normal. She then joined Twitter and started sending me loads of videos and things about conspiracy theories and I tried to humour her with them but quite honestly I don’t know what to think. Even as recent as the last couple of months she seemed excited about my wedding. There was one evening though where she just turned and started ranting at me and since then she won’t speak to me. If I ask her if she’s ok she says the whole world has gone mad. She said it’s because of people like me that this lockdown has continued. I tried talking in our group chat about getting my dress and the bridesmaids dresses and she sent this sarcastic message about not socialising yet as the risk of death to her mum is one in 10000 yet the other week she wanted to go on the lockdown protest March. I’ve reached out to her again today asking if she wants to meet as my daughter would like to see hers and we should talk but if I get a response I doubt it will be a nice one. I really don’t know what to do anymore and I’m really worried about her. Our other friend had noticed something isn’t right but she hasn’t been as bad with her so it’s like she’s taking it all out on me. It’s causing me so much stress and worry. Thank you.

I should add that I have been to see her when restrictions have been lifted but when I asked her to visit me (I live an hours drive away) she said she didn’t want to use up petrol money as she didn’t have much work coming in and I totally understood that. She’s behaving as though I have refused to see her. My dad died in October and I did go to see her then. It’s like a switch has been flicked.

Anyone please?

I don't really have any advice, but I think a lot of people have struggled with mental health and for some this has manifested as going a bit conspiracy crazy. I reckon that when things are a bit more normal they will come out the other side.

Honestly, I don’t see this friendship recovering, I’m really sorry. She’s obviously been persuaded that it’s all a conspiracy and I doubt anything you say now will her change her mind. It’s so sad, but I don’t see her just merrily ignoring this row she’s fabricated and moving on.

Thanks for your replies. I know it’s a lengthy post so appreciate anyone getting to the end ha ha. I actually did text her today asking if she wanted to meet and she sent me a really awful message saying that she is pissed off with everyone who has followed the lockdown, doesn’t want to see anyone, doesn’t know when she wants to see me again and isn’t having the vaccine so ‘I will have to factor that in to my precious wedding plans’. I think I feel better that she has now blocked me so feels like closure but I honestly don’t know what I’ve done. I’ve not even strictly followed the lockdown really just done what I had to do as my mum has heart failure and if I have to see her I don’t want to put her at risk. It’s not me is it. She’s been brainwashed by Twitter.

It sounds like you've made more than enough effort to try and keep the friendship going and she's still managed to fall out with you. She sounds a bit nuts, and with those views she clearly can't be made to see reason.......

She was my maid of honour as well and my one of two adult bridesmaids and her daughter was meant to be flower girl so I now have one adult bridesmaid and two little ones but I’d rather have one who actually cares

Thanks as well.

Of course it isn't you. She's obviously gone off on some weird line of her own, though to be fair many have. There's really nothing you can do other than shrug and move on, I fear. You don't say how old her daughter is and if she can come anyway, but I think you just need to write her off and get on with your wedding and life in general. She may, or may not, see reason eventually. Does she have a partner who is similar?

My first reaction was she’s batshit but to be kind I’d say the pandemic has made people behave very strange. If there isn’t already there is definitely going to be a mental health crisis after all this .
Where the majority can adapt and move on so many can’t . Some are frightened and deal with things very differently how me and you would . Keep that it mind but maybe just give her some space until she’s calmed down a bit

There's no way you can have her at your wedding. Chances are we will still be wearing masks by then so if she won't do that then she cannot attend. I certainly wouldn't want her as a bridesmaid - she'd be a nightmare. I know she has blocked you but you need to find a way to contact her and tell her that, while you are disappointed in the way things have worked out, you understand she won't be attending your wedding and you wish her well for the future.

Try not to take it personally. It's not about you and I don't think it's because she doesn't care. She's lashing out because she's very unhappy, and people often do that to the people they are closest to. You sound very understanding so maybe just tell her you're sorry she's feeling this way and to let you know when she's feeling better. I can't get my head around people like her, but you've obviously been friends a long time so you'll probably come through it in time. She might get back to normal once the vaccines have been rolled out etc

You're friend is obviously struggling (aren't we all!)but she is out of line attacking you and blaming you for lockdown etc. You're better off without that nonsense in your life, and I would worry that she would make a scene at the wedding or something. It's so tough when it's a good friend though.

I'm sorry OP, it's really hard. My best friend is a bit the same, and it's so draining, First she didn't believe in covid at all, then started talking about Bill Gates 5G etc. then it became, oh it's just a cold what's the big deal, now she thinks we're all sheep for going along with things.
She doesn't want to wear a mask, fair enough, she just avoids going places where she has to, but she's so angry all the time it's really uncomfortable.

I do sympathise a bit with her, as I think it's something to do with loss of control, which we are all feeling a bit. Also, my friend went through a bad few years and was put on anti depressants, which didn't work, and then started to look at alternative medicine and reiki to help herself out of a bad place, which really worked.
She talks about how the mask makes her feel like she's being muzzled, so I understand she's anxious and she doesn't trust pharmaceutical companies anyway.
Like you, my friend started sending me links to some conspiracy stuff - at first I was very non-committal, now I just don't really reply. She knows I don't agree, and thankfully we can still meet up and talk, we usually try and talk about other things, but it's difficult and has at times made me not want to spend time with her, as it's too negative.

The key is to be able to agree to disagree, but its hard when someone you care about seems to be going down a weird path.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, just wanted you to know you are not alone!

Save yourself a lot of pain by parking this friendship.

@pog100 yes her partner is the same but bizarrely comments on my posts on social media so I’m not sure he is aware there is a problem.

Thank you for all the replies I really appreciate them. I also suffer from anxiety so am hugely understanding of mental health issues. Like I never saw this coming and now I keep worrying our other friend will not want to be my bridesmaid and I’ll have none but I don’t think she’s like that. So I am affected by that and my ‘friend’ knows that I worry about messages not being answered and upsetting people and that hurts even more.

I sympathise as I had a close friend who has become a conspiracy theorist since covid. She knew I didn't agree but still kept talking about it.
Last summer she asked me to do something which I was unable to agree to and she ghosted me. I miss the friendship but not sure if it would ever work again now.

@Mulletsaremisunderstood your friend sounds like mine a few months ago.

And sorry to hear about all your experiences but I feel better knowing it’s not me which I knew anyway and as I head towards 40 in two weeks I feel like it’s such a waste for a friendship to end like this but I’m not sure I can forgive what she said. I probably would though.

If she gets a grip she can still come as a guest can't she? You can always buy a spare flowergirl dress for her DD if you stick with something off the shelf from monsoon or similar?
Stick with one bridesmaid and two flower girls for now and enjoy it. That sounds like a lovely manageable number.
I would drop her a note to say that you are disappointed she doesn't wish to be your MOH anymore but that you hope she will come as a guest given your longstanding friendship. Given your mother's vulnerability and the death of your father it's been a tough year and you hope to catch up with her and bridesmaid 2 for a glass of something soon. And leave it there for a bit. She will come down off the ceiling eventually.

@Fairystory the ghosting must have been awful.

Honestly for your own sanity cut her loose. You should be enjoying what should be the build up to your wedding not stressing over someone who is supposed to be your friend yet is treating you really badly.
Life is too short to be wasting your precious time bothering with people like this.

I have a feeling that friends you make at 4 are a bit like family. You don't really choose them for their character, you just grow up with them, and they can change for the worse. I don't think you need to feel that committed to her.

You could be onto something there pog100 because she has seemed rather angry and negative for a couple of years now but I just have this connection with her that I’ve never felt able to do without.

Hopefully with things loosening, she will start to calm down.

I got myself in such frustration as I am too anti lockdown (no conspiracy theories like chips, the big reset etc and I'm very pro vaccine) and it can be overwhelming.
People have been complying for a year now to rules and restrictions (many which dont have any safety data to back them up with) without challenging, just accepting.
Not to mention when people are clearly anxious and irrational due to the media.
But I went to the doctor, stop reading social media and limit time on MN.

I would suggest for her to go the doctor and get something to calm her down. We havent got long left now, there is light at the end of the tunnel.