Best friend stopped speaking to me over coronavirus lockdonw

[Myusernameisnotmyusernameno]

Hello, could really do with some advice please. I have two best friends who I went to school with. One I’ve been friends with since we were 4 years old so 36 years now. We’ve been like sisters all our lives. I’m getting married in September and these two are my adult bridesmaids. But I’d like to sort this even without the wedding.
Since the pandemic started she’s been anti lockdown, anti masks etc and I’ve just tried to not get into it with her as I respect her opinions but I’d rather just do what we have to do to get back to normal. She then joined Twitter and started sending me loads of videos and things about conspiracy theories and I tried to humour her with them but quite honestly I don’t know what to think. Even as recent as the last couple of months she seemed excited about my wedding. There was one evening though where she just turned and started ranting at me and since then she won’t speak to me. If I ask her if she’s ok she says the whole world has gone mad. She said it’s because of people like me that this lockdown has continued. I tried talking in our group chat about getting my dress and the bridesmaids dresses and she sent this sarcastic message about not socialising yet as the risk of death to her mum is one in 10000 yet the other week she wanted to go on the lockdown protest March. I’ve reached out to her again today asking if she wants to meet as my daughter would like to see hers and we should talk but if I get a response I doubt it will be a nice one. I really don’t know what to do anymore and I’m really worried about her. Our other friend had noticed something isn’t right but she hasn’t been as bad with her so it’s like she’s taking it all out on me. It’s causing me so much stress and worry. Thank you.

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno poor you - hard enough arranging a wedding, hard enough keeping up with friends and family at the moment, you definitely don’t need this stress.

Your friend is going to have a tough old time if she hates everyone who has stuck to lockdown, because unless she mixes with mostly people who haven’t (which is possibly the problem) I’d say the majority have been pretty rule abiding (round where I live anyway).

I think like others have said, there must be more going on with her, but that isn’t your problem to solve, and it’s not your problem to carry.

The advice to carry on in the assumption that she won’t be part of your day seems reasonable and the best thing for your mental health, but keep an open mind - she might make it through to the other side!

Oh god one of our friends has went like this. Every single conversation gets turned into "we're being lied to" "that's what they want you to think" "they are monitoring us".
I'm finding it incredibly difficult to listen to them. None of it makes sense and it's all social media conspiracy frenzy stuff. Apparently this time next year Russia will be at war with us, there will be no food in the supermarkets, we will be microchipped etc. Meanwhile I'm like eh get off you tube and get out and enjoy that sunshine and we'll be grand.

Seriously though ... Our friend is getting cut if this keeps up

Sorry you’re going through this. A friend is behaving in a very similar way and I am unsure what to do as well. These beliefs seem very deep rooted.

My brother was hospitalized with COVID and has not fully recovered his health nearly five months on. Despite me telling her about him, she still persisted in saying that people who follow the restrictions are sheeple, etc etc. I have never been rude but I have stopped contacting her for the sake of my mental health.

Thanks both. It’s interesting to see another side of it but to be honest I haven’t been 100% ‘compliant’ myself and saw her during the first lockdown but when Xmas got cancelled and I couldn’t see my baby niece(through marriage) it kind of felt like I was in the wrong to stray from ‘the rules’. I actually saw her Xmas day when I was collecting my mum so I’ve been more than accommodating to her. She also said to me that if my mum died I would regret not seeing her as much knowing full well my dad died in a home after I wasn’t allowed to see him so she is saying some really heartless things. I would suggest she got something from the gp but she has blocked my number and she won’t understand anyway. I think unfortunately Twitter has played a huge part in this because she ‘likes’ a lot of posts regarding conspiracies, anti lockdown etc and was regularly sending them to me before. And the only people I believe she sees now is her mum and brother so she is going to be lonely

I am anti lockdown but wouldn't let the principle interfere with a current friendship.

Maybe give her time? I think a lot of us are so angry, we can't think straight a lot of the time.

@ElephantsNest hope your brother is ok. Yes I maybe should’ve left her but it’s affecting my own mental health which is ironic as during the first lockdown she was really supportive although now I think about it she tried to start an argument then so maybe I should’ve left it

@AcornAutumn she can’t see anything beyond her anger

[quote Myusernameisnotmyusernameno]@AcornAutumn she can’t see anything beyond her anger[/quote]
Maybe in time she will?

I’m in the same boat. It’s hugely distressing to have my best mate just morph into this Twitter obsessed rant angry belligerent mouthpiece. It’s constant. What should be lovely relief phone chats are hour long tirades. There’s no back and forth, no laughs...it’s draining and I think overall we all have to protect our own mental health, be true to ourselves and maybe let these friends go for now until they calm down and start to recognise that friendship is a two way street.
Don’t let your friend ruin your wedding. Go silent on her for now and enjoy your day. You don’t need bridesmaids. Just make it what you can in difficult circumstances. Good luck x

Maybe and I hope so but I’m not sure things can be the same with some of the things she has said to me. I don’t think she is well though. She’s also said some astounding things in support of Donald Trump and the white cop who killed George Floyd.

@stoopider what a lovely message. I’m sorry you’re going through it too. I’m determined to enjoy it. We’ve been engaged 10 years and together for 19 so I’m super excited and everyone else seems to be x

I sense that a lot of conspiracy theorists have a bit of a superiority complex .They think they can see what no one else can .It’s quite frightening how so many are taken in by these theories.
Your friend needs help

So she has gone full blown right wing, anti mask racist. I've had a friend do this. I've had to leave them to it. It's a bit like a cult. They are brainwashed and until they ask for help there is fuck all you can do. They are fed lots of bollocks and anything you say will have been pre empted by the cult pushers. So will fall in deaf ears and only back up their beliefs.

Lockdown has messed up many people mental health. Everyone is blaming everyone when really it just happens.

I have a few friends who are covid denyers. I have just limited contact with one because I couldn't stop trying to correct her and it was causing arguments - I hope we'll get back to normal soon. Another was more in my face about how wrong, stupid and weak I was being to believe the government. I don't want to have anything to do with her again.

Wow it’s happening to a few people then. Yes she was ranting about stuff before this, Brexit, trump etc like I said then this and she called my friend left wing on facebook when she really isn’t. Her words today to me were along the lines of me not realising how much harm has been done by compliant little people like me staying at home and doing what Boris says and she is apparently an expert because she did a degree in animal science. I don’t dismiss her because I’m a good friend but I don’t see why I should believe her and her Twitter ‘friends’ over anyone else. Plus what was I meant to do- drive 50 miles away to see her a few weeks before I could’ve over my niece or mum?

I am actually very worried about her and her daughter who is only 2. But what can I do?

Its seems now people don't want to be friends with people who don't agree on everything with them
I have a variety of friend who have very different ideas on things we either discuss and listen or just avoid if sensitive to one as will have something else in common

@Pinchoftums do you think they will ever ask for help, your friend?

I have a friend who doesn’t trust the vaccine and we just agree to disagree. It is fine.

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno A similar position. An extremely close friend was posting anti-vaxx, anti-lockdown, conspiracy theories during the first lockdown. She is dominant in her views, and I knew she would disagree strongly with my views. To me - it can get to a point where it’s disrespectful. I’m up for a debate, but when people get angry because my views differ - or shout/dismiss/belittle me - I think that’s wrong. The friendship has ended and I do miss her. However I do feel generally more insular/less friends as a result of the pandemic - but the good friendships I have are probably as strong/stronger than ever.

Yes I have made and nurtured other friends during the pandemic. What I don’t understand though is she doesn’t seem to be like it with our other friend. Although she didn’t really text her or see her like she did me but she is ‘liking’ her posts on Facebook and wishing her son happy birthday. It’s my 40th next week and I don’t think she’ll even acknowledge it. I think maybe because our other friend doesn’t take any crap and she isn’t as close to her she hasn’t done it with her. I tried saying have you said all this to her but of course she didn’t answer.

I have someone close to me who has gone down that rabbit hole.

I told her we cannot talk about it. If she brings it up, I change the subject. And keep repeating ' I can't talk about this'.

I love her- she's important to me. Cutting her out of my life is absolutely not an option. I've had to lay heavy boundaries though

Maybe she has money issues as a result of Covid and she is taking it out on everyone. If she has no money for petrol to come and visit you, I doubt she has money to attend the wedding. You talking about the wedding May irritate her when her finances are not the best? I don’t know, trying to cast a different light on things. If that’s the case she was probably trying to make you understand from her rants instead of approaching you directly and say sorry, but I cannot afford to come to your wedding. Just a thought.

@worriedatthemoment

Its seems now people don't want to be friends with people who don't agree on everything with them I have a variety of friend who have very different ideas on things we either discuss and listen or just avoid if sensitive to one as will have something else in common

No. I can only speak for myself but I am reacting to their behavior and attitudes. You can hold differing views and still be a good friend. If a friend was grieving and exhausted, would you offer a sympathetic ear, or would you belittle them and be sarcastic to them because of your differing views on the virus?

My brother following COVID will never work or live independently again. I was working full time, home schooling and trying to deal with social services / care packages / power of attorney / finances for him etc. A bit of support from my so called friend would have been nice, but no. My friend’s attitude was just another source of stress.

It sounds as though the OP’s so called friend is being sarcastic or nasty rather than supporting her in her quite understandable excitement about her wedding. I feel it’s quite alright to distance oneself for self preservation. It truly is like these people have been captured by a cult.

Anyway I hope that you have a really wonderful wedding OP. Please do surround yourself with friends who are supportive.