Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

[SpringlikeBunk]

Come ye all!

Hey @pineappleonpizzaornot thank you ☺️🍻 xx what happened with the fella you went to school with? No good? I had high hopes for that one 😕
I’d like to meet someone too but I was on the apps for a year and nothing came of it so i just give up for now.. they mostly make me feel like crap.. crApps lol... I’m just steering clear for now. Though in a bored moment I'm sure ill pop on for a day!!

@Invisiblewoman1 thats what I’d be scared of.. doing that and being ripped to shreds for whatever reason.. noooo thanks..

I got some decent feedback from it, regarding the actual photos and how they can be improved....

I'm not great at having a good background in my pics for instance.

Finally got a message from a decent iron...just waiting for him to vanish now 😆

Also noticed he wants kids...I don't want more kids. Is this something to bring up or just ignore? Seems a bit silly to bring up but what's the point chatting if he wants to find someone to have kids with.

I’d be the same @bangheadhere40. I find those kind of differences don't work... unless you're just looking for a quick fling!

bangheadhere I never bother swiping anyone thats ticked wanting more kids regardless of how much of a fit they might otherwise be - its just too big a compromise and not one I'd be willing to make so why should they so yeah I'd probably bring it up unless you are only looking for casual

Same here , would never swipe on someone wanting kids - obviously I’m clearly too old so no-one would swipe on me if they did want kids so we wouldn’t be a match anyway!

I think it’s worth clarifying - some tick that interpreting it as ‘happy to have a relationship with someone with kids’.

@bangheadhere40, did you send a message yet ? I think it's definitely worth a check in with him. Say that you'd love to chat more but wanted to clarify his thoughts as for you more children was a no go. I agree with hairy though on some sites, depending on the wording, it used to seem that it was ' open to dating someone with children'.

Hello, I had posted before about this but think? it’s maybe under another username....

So, the short version is......met someone last year on OD, all going well/great.......together 4ish months then lockdown 2 happened. We were a long distance relationship, he had children & a parent with terminal illness......He was really struggling with situ......contact lessened........I continued to send light friendly supportive check ins occasionally........Always replied, but replies got shorter etc etc.......

So, last contact was few months ago. We are still ‘friends’ on FB & I see from posts his life is still pretty hectic looking after parent etc etc.......

Eg I know he still has a lot on his plate.

My question is-I had been contemplating reaching out to him, just once, & asking if wants to meet, when we can.......but if he doesn’t no hard feelings etc etc......

But I’m now thinking I either shouldn’t contact at all or should just send a ‘check in message.

Thing is I would rather know 100% that there is no point in me having the occasional day dream about us getting together again! And I feel if I send just a check in message I’ll be no further forward. But if I suggest meeting & he says no, then that’s crystal clear.

So I suppose what I’m asking is do I-:
Not contact at all
Suggest meeting when we can.....
Send just a light friendly check in/thinking of you message

I don’t want to be like a limpet obv!

Wise opinions welcome please, thank you.xx

@City754 completely agree it'd be best to know one way or the other - i'd prob send a first message just checking in and then if I got a (prompt) reply i'd ask about meeting

@City754 just ask, it's definitely better to know one way or the other

[quote LongtimelurkerL]@City754 completely agree it'd be best to know one way or the other - i'd prob send a first message just checking in and then if I got a (prompt) reply i'd ask about meeting[/quote]
@LongtimelurkerL thanks for replying. Yes I’d rather 100% know for certain.

Hence why I had been thinking ‘take bull by horns’ & just suggest meeting on initial message as I don’t want to be like ‘a pest’ checking in if he’s moved on etc etc.....

Hmmm........not sure on best approach now!

Thanks onesmallstep I sent a brief message not mentioning it. If he replies again and can hold a conversation I will say something I think.

@dancemom thanks DM, yes going to, just unsure whether to ask on initial message. Ie I’d rather know than chit chat back & forth & he’s thinking 😑😑😑

@City754 how did it end? That could make a difference to your next move

@City754, I think if you can see from Facebook that he's still pretty caught up with his family commitments and it was a LDR ( + covid etc) then I think I would assume that he didn't have the time or capacity to reignite something. I had a pretty intense couple of years and even if I had liked someone I wouldn't have been able to commit to anything. Trying to find time to travel to see someone or host them would have been an overload for me. I think do a friendly check in as lurker suggests and see what response you get. Do you feel you need a clear cut yes or no so that you can move on/not accordingly ? Unless there is a definite reason to cut ties then I tend to let people bob around on the periphery of my life and see what happens.

That’s the thing there was no ‘official ending’.....contact tailed off due to his very difficult family situation........it being a long distance.........& the pandemic/lockdown. We were still in vague contact but latterly it was me instigating. He always responded.......but each time said how difficult things were just now........

@Onesmallstep67
Thanks for response. What you have said is a pretty accurate description of how it was/is.....& that’s the thing I don’t think he is in the right physical or mental space just now to re-ignite.......That’s why I’ve held off contacting tbh........
I suppose I don’t really need a clear cut yes or no to move on........as I do know for now it’s a no/situ making it impossible.......& you are actually right maybe best just leaving him on periphery & see what the universe does........

The photo feeler site can be pretty hard, but they do moderate/limit the feedback so you won't get any nasty comments. I found it useful for seeing which of my photos was the best, and also seeing what I could improve.

E.g., the selfie in a mirror had lots of comments saying they didn't like selfies, in my highest ranking pic most of the comments said I should smile more and also not be so close up or intense.

Also my outfit made a difference too. Wearing a suit = trustworthy score of 7.6, leather jacket = 5.7! I guess that's down to all the bad boys wearing leather jackets

I have a walking date tomorrow at 10am. Literally a 5 minute walk from my house and I'd be doing the walk anyway so it will be nice to have some company. I will tentatively call him Mr Paddleboard.
A potential drinks date next week. Talking to a few more including a man I went to college with.

@City754 - just prepare yourself in that he might not answer at all. Not saying that he won’t answer, but he might not (voice of experience).

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I have a walking date tomorrow at 10am. Literally a 5 minute walk from my house and I'd be doing the walk anyway so it will be nice to have some company. I will tentatively call him Mr Paddleboard. A potential drinks date next week. Talking to a few more including a man I went to college with.

Sounds great, @Dancer. Good luck! ❤️

@City754 I'd agree with @Onesmallstep67 - does it do you any harm to just keep him floating around?

Can you start meeting others as you are clearly single, but stay friendly/stay in touch?

Good luck @Dancerinthemoonlight

I'm not sure I'd trust the photo site tbh! though I might use it for a laugh.

I think by definition I wouldn't be attracted to the kind of person who rated photos on sites like that

(would it not be teenagers and people who live online - I use Twitter for some work and there's a lot of random men who live around the world and just like looking at photos of women and call themselves "netizens" - I really don't want to meet or date them or impress them!)

and for me a profile photo doesn't have to be really good or Instagram quality. In fact, too staged shots make me a bit Recent and accurate is the main thing.

If the person looks "fine" and vaguely my type, and also the overall tone of the profile is fine I'll meet them if possible.

Hi everyone,

Just checking in after some Mumsnet Free days. I've been busy with college and suffering really badly with my CP

I have another video chat with Mr Bookworm tomorrow, so at least that's something to look forward to ❤️