Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

[SpringlikeBunk]

Come ye all!

Hi Pineapple, nice to see you...

Sorry you've had such rubbish experiences, I'm not very active on the apps at the moment because of all this nonsense.

@walkigonsuncc - I’d be tempted to block him. Sounds like a weirdo.

By it’s nature OLD will have more bullshitters and dysfunctional types than the general population. If only there was an easy way to detect them from the off ....

Hi @bangheadhere40 - I feel the same!

I feel like my profile should just say "If you're a wanker, don't bother"

Think I have had every lie under the sun told to me! Thought about paying for a dating site, but then I have been told they aren't any better either.

Had about 20 matches yesterday, one messaged and in the second message he called me "babe" - not my thing

@LongtimelurkerL If its not a deal breaker I'd wait for a chance to bring it up organically.

My mum asked me and Mr K when we're getting married😱, it was brought up because my brother is getting married this year. Luckily we're on the same page and don't want to get married as we've done it before and failed so we don't have a great track record😂

I've tried paying and it's no better - I find match the worst one going!

Also hate babe, hun, anything like that they can piss off. Had enough too 😁

Welcome @pineappleonpizzaornot - yeah that makes sense @SortingItOut - def not a deal breaker - i'd rather be happy either way! LOLS re your mum

@SpringlikeBunk thanks for your reply. I'm think I'm happy with the amount of filtering I'm doing - it's obviously less than some, as I do like to meet in real life sooner rather than later, but everyone I've met I've liked their photos, and we've had decent fun chats where they come across as interested in me.

I guess it's just difficult to meet someone I click with in real life, and I think reading the comments about first kisses maybe I'm not doing anything wrong anyway. I was just a bit worried that maybe I'm too "nice" and don't show that I'm into someone which may in turn put them off.

I've had a couple of dates where we kissed on the first date - it just felt right. Some have been the 2nd, and I think the longest was 3rd or 4th date.

@Onesmallstep67 maybe, but then again I've enjoyed pretty much all the dates I've had, so I don't think I'm a million miles off. Most of the time I just accept it's the way it is, but I think yesterday was a bit galling as I quite liked her. However looking back at it, I only quite liked her and I'm not sure we'd have been a great match. I think I just need to focus on telling myself that she wasn't right, rather than wondering if I did anything wrong.

I've just been asked out on a date on Sunday, and we've been having a fun chat so I'm sure we'll get on. I might also be meeting someone for a quick walk/chat on Friday as she works 2 week shifts, and seems keen to meet before her next break in a couple of weeks. I'm going to politely decline the offer of dinner tonight, as I'm almost certain she'll be expecting me to pay and I have no desire to spend an evening with someone I've not said more than 22 words to!

@walkigonsuncc he sounds rather unpleasant - I'd add another vote for avoid.

@pineappleonpizzaornot what app (or apps) are you on? I've tried match and OKCupid, and they were worse than all but PoF!

I don't bullshit about stuff, but given my lack of success, maybe that makes me number 4 on your list

I really wouldn't go anywhere near him @walkigonsuncc - listen to your gut, it's right.

Do you all think there's a worry with a man of 39yo that's never had a LTR? I haven't asked him why, it wasn't the time.

@PyjamasOClock

I really wouldn't go anywhere near him *@walkigonsuncc* - listen to your gut, it's right.

Do you all think there's a worry with a man of 39yo that's never had a LTR? I haven't asked him why, it wasn't the time.

Depends on long term but if he's not had anything over a year I might wonder why....

I've found in real life I can meet a bloke, not think anything at all about him and a year latter be head over heals in lust!

So meeting someone once is never going to work for me, unless someone is awful I nearly always give them another chance. So "nice enough" does for me, I don't expect "spark" (never had it anyway, don't know what it is). But not everyone thinks that.

@TheCatWithTheHat - I am currently on Tinder puke,and Bumble. I paid for Match, never again! POF I deleted because I was waking up to messages from lots of potatoes aged 65+

Lol at number 4 - I think he was a reformed alcoholic, although he swore he wasn't, but he spent the whole date trying to persuade me into becoming a T-Totaller, and that he would pay for me to go the gym if I didn't drink in the next 3 months err piss off mate I'm not overweight!

He then nearly cried because he couldn't find the app on his phone to show me he hadn't had a drink for 376 days!

@pineappleonpizzaornot

How’s your screening? I tend to check google for first name job title and this generally gives more information?

I found plenty of fish worst for liars. Can you arrange a phone call or video call before you meet as that can help?

I think of the recent matches I had who have been dodgy, one was just really quiet when we met (didn’t say anything) and one was evasive - I asked about relationship history and he forgot to answer the children question, didn’t want to exchange numbers....didn’t have any work details online...so I unmatched....Both seemed quite pleasant enough in chat though.

There’s no foolproof technique but doing a range of basic checks can cut out some of the worse liars?

@PyjamasOClock

I really wouldn’t worry about it - he might have been career orientated?

Just judge him on other stuff, maybe he’s the type who doesn’t need a woman in his life just for its own sake!

@SpringlikeBunk - My detective skills are pretty good, my last date looked older than his age profile said, so I questioned him and he said his profile age was correct.

From the information I had on him, I managed to find his birth certificate online - he was 11 years older than his profile age! I told him what I had found, and BLOCKED

I also do a google search, but then you do also have to take people at their word to some degree

@VanGoghsDog

I've found in real life I can meet a bloke, not think anything at all about him and a year latter be head over heals in lust!

So meeting someone once is never going to work for me, unless someone is awful I nearly always give them another chance. So "nice enough" does for me, I don't expect "spark" (never had it anyway, don't know what it is). But not everyone thinks that.

totally agree with this @VanGoghsDog. I'm pretty much always up for a second date. I find it impossible to tell.

@pineappleonpizzaornot - there are some people for who it just doesn't happen. I have a couple of female friends in their early 30s who've never had a LTR, they're both v attractive. One is a bit socially anxious for OLD and as @SpringlikeBunk says, the other just had career stuff or things just haven't fallen into place. Curiously, I think for some people it just doesn't happen by chance. I'd wanna the story though.

Just a quick update to say I have finally arranged a date with MrPosh. We are meeting on Saturday afternoon - I'm going into his city (I live rurally so no point him coming here), So if it doesn't work out at least I can do some shopping!

I shall report back after the date with all the juicy details

As for kisses on first dates, if it's someone I've only chatted to for a few days/weeks I wouldn't expect it. However if you've been talking for quite a while, I would assume no kiss meant they didn't fancy me.

Yay for city chill-out date @newnamenora

Decided to be a bit wary of MrSaw when we meet, as in not spend all time being "instant girlfriend" and take my time if we do meet again.

Nothing disastrous, but I did note that contact distinctly tailed off on Sunday/Monday - I messaged him a selfie and some chat and he was a bit terse, replies were brief and delayed and so I completely pulled back.

Which was fine as I do have work to do etc. I assumed maybe chat was slowing down after meeting?

Then it was all hearts and flowers and "why haven't YOU been messaging me?" yesterday.

Like we discussed earlier on the thread, irons can push things forward emotionally then make us feel silly when we mirror that behaviour?

@DudeFromThatLondon - Think you have me mixed me up with another poster maybe @PyjamasOClock .

Just been out and bought some lovely new clothes, made me feel better

I've found that sometimes I just get a "no, it's not going to happen" feeling when I meet someone almost straight away. Usually when they've had flattering photos, and there's just something I don't find physically attractive. Otherwise I'm generally up for a second date if it's not a definite no.

I'm probably not alone in picking out my best, most flattering photos - so maybe that's the wrong approach, as it's hard to live up to them in real life. Saying that, one date I had last year must have been 10 years older than her photos, and none of them showed she had wonky eyes which was really off-putting. I'd driven for an hour to meet her too, so couldn't easily make my excuses - I spent a cold afternoon sat on a bench trying to figure out which eye to look at. Not my best date ever!

@pineappleonpizzaornot have you tried Hinge? I'd say the majority of my best matches and dates have come from there. Tinder has been better of late and although on Bumble I see a lot of nice women I swipe left on, I get almost no matches. Maybe that suggests there are more decent quality guys on there?

And I'm glad to see I'm not quite at your number 4 level!

A bit off-topic, I decided to drag myself out of bed at 5am this morning to take photos at sunrise in Greenwich Park. There were a few attractive joggers of both sexes out and about - maybe doing stuff in real life is a better option than the apps.

@pineappleonpizzaornot

Maybe video calling or talking on phone could save a bit of time - a lot can be concealed behind frequent text chat?

My awkward date I definitely 100% would have screened out if I had a five minute phone call!

@pineappleonpizzaornot Helloool. I have tried to get back in the saddle. Ive recently paid for a month for Ok Cupid and Tinder but personally i think it was waste of money, just satisfied my curiousity. I must have got close to 1k likes but none i would ever consider. Actually 1 seemed funny and i matched. He messaged me, i replied but no response! Green dot there ever since. I am struggling to find someone i connect with even a tiny bit....perhaps its me!!

@TheCatWithTheHat

That photo is gorgeous....

....but dating in London, you have my sympathies! Definitely a big difference in socialising culture there.

MrSaw (tall surgeon no kids nice face) said he finds that its very "competitive" - so women meet one guy who is "fine and would be a catch anywhere else", but then they can match with another new guy really quickly...

Sell up and move out

That's interesting...I would have thought London would be easier! I'm basing this on living in the middle of nowhere though and the nearest city being over an hour away.

Maybe neither options are great...no choice or too much choice 😁

@TheCatWithTheHat - I find I get most matches on Bumble, I do message a few of them, and lucky if I get a reply back.

I also use my best photos which does make me nervous if I meet someone, but all my dates have said its refreshing I look like them shame they all turned out to be liars themselves

that is a gorgeous photo!

Hi @Eesha - Hope you are ok? I was thinking about paying or a sire, thanks for the heads up not go there again!

@SpringlikeBunkv- I have done the video calling, talking on the phone, stalking before a date....Honestly my kids call me Detective Pineapple! I think I have just had shitty luck :(