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Original poster

Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

994 replies

SpringlikeBunk · 11/04/2021 17:05

Come ye all!

OP posts:
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17
BelladiMamma · 22/04/2021 07:59

@TheCatWithTheHat

I had a nice time with my date this evening - I thought she was pretty, and enjoyed her company although didn't feel much of a spark. However I'd have definitely seen her again for a proper date with a drink. But I got the dreaded "you're a really nice guy, but I just don't see you as more than a friend" reply. Ho hum.

Maybe I'm missing a trick and not being flirty enough. I'm reading about all these first dates that end in a kiss - do you know during the date that you fancy the guy, or do most guys make a move at the end of a date?

Also I swiped right on the woman who said she doesn't meet for coffee or drinks. I've said literally 22 words to her, and she's asked if I'm free for dinner tomorrow night. Now I know I'm a pretty decent catch, but even so, that's a little odd I think.

Have read @SpringlikeBunk answer as well and so I thought I'd answer from my perspective.

I prefer a kiss / move only after first date. I just take a while to process things if I'm honest. I suppose a halfway house is a nice lingering cheek kiss with a smile and a light touch hug? Then you can sense if the other person is pulling back or responding? Mr Ginger kissed me on our first date but then we were ex colleagues. Mr Bear it was date 2. I was a bit surprised because he seemed so shy but then again I think he wanted to know if his feelings were reciprocal. However I'm relaxed with Mr Bear as I can tell the kiss isn't immediately turning into a request for more ...

As for meeting up quickly, I'm also capable of suggesting a meet up the following day but I'm not expecting a snog out of it, it's more likely that either I'm free and know I won't be for a while after that, or want to screen before committing to a weekend thing? As time is so precious to me.

However I know that the match has concerned you as she only wanted to meet for dinner ...so personally I wouldn't meet for dinner I think that's too quick a leap. But then that's just me, I'd hate to spend 2 hours with someone I didn't feel a spark or connection with ... but she just might be thinking, why travel for a coffee...? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry these are probably a little rambling but giving you another perspective

BelladiMamma · 22/04/2021 08:00

@walkigonsuncc

Would this put you off. Guy I'm on a date with tomorrow..

Do you kiss on first date?
Are you gonna go to the toilet and not come back?
I'm very touchy feeling,hope you don't mind
Do you like my lips ?
You can hold my hand

He never stops going on.
It's putting me off

Yes it would put me off
Heartbeats0708 · 22/04/2021 08:02

@walkigonsuncc I'd find that quite off putting to be honest. I think a vague checking of where you're at in terms of contact can be okay, especially given cv19, but that basically reads like he wants to man handle you and is warning you whether you like it or not.

GaraMedouar · 22/04/2021 08:03

@walkigonsuncc

Would this put you off. Guy I'm on a date with tomorrow..

Do you kiss on first date?
Are you gonna go to the toilet and not come back?
I'm very touchy feeling,hope you don't mind
Do you like my lips ?
You can hold my hand

He never stops going on.
It's putting me off

Yes -me too!
frankiefirstyear · 22/04/2021 08:03

@walkigonsuncc

Would this put you off. Guy I'm on a date with tomorrow..

Do you kiss on first date?
Are you gonna go to the toilet and not come back?
I'm very touchy feeling,hope you don't mind
Do you like my lips ?
You can hold my hand

He never stops going on.
It's putting me off

It would put me off a bit if it's obscure to the rest of the conversation. Some of it sounds like nerves, maybe had a bad experience. I'd probably ignore bits a didn't like and give him a chance with a quick date
bangheadhere40 · 22/04/2021 08:04

I also wouldn't feel right meeting a guy for dinner I'd never spoke to - maybe she just wants a free meal 😄 I do find that odd behaviour though cat.

Sorry last night's wasn't great either...

Re kissing I would feel awkward kissing a guy I'd just met I think and wouldn't really want this on a first date, unless we were getting on great etc.

SortingItOut · 22/04/2021 08:15

@LongtimelurkerL I think serial monogamists aren't comfortable with their own company so they have to be in a relationship all the time.

I guess some people naturally come out of one relationship and meet someone straight away but the majority enjoy being single and/or dating.

I know a female serial monogamist who on the face of it appears strong and independent, has a very good job but can't be without a man, she is literally lining up the next one as her long term relationships fail. Its really sad that she can't be single as I think she would really benefit from it.

Marriage after 8 months😱
Is this lust or do you love him?
Is this the same man you struggled to ask 'what are we?' How are things going with him?

@Lovemusic33 Welcome back, your date sounds good and if he wants the same as you thats even better.

@MotherForker Your date sounds good but be wary of love bombing, try not to over date - sometimes a day or two between dates is better than a date the day after.
Obviously if you have limited free time you have to do what you have to do.

frankiefirstyear · 22/04/2021 08:27

@TheCatWithTheHat thinking back to my dates (I haven't had many over my lifetime!) but first date kisses would only happen if there had been lots of previous comms, and tbf I've only really had dates with people I already know. MrM asked at the end for quick kiss, which he later admitted being mortified about asking, but i wasn't sure he fancied me til then really. Unfortunately his embarrassment for asking made him leave at top speed straight afterwards (it was the end of the date though) so then I thought he hadn't thought much of the kiss 🙈.
It's a minefield this dating carry on!

LongtimelurkerL · 22/04/2021 08:29

@walkigonsuncc that sounds creepy to me if I’m honest!

Sorry @SortingItOut I don’t mean I want to get married now! I mean that is my long term plan - obv things could all go wrong with MrLWs but I more meant my goal in dating is to eventually get married and perhaps have children. That’s why I’m asking for advice - I mean wording of that discussion I’m not proposing!! Poorly worded question clearly. Rest is going well, I’m getting better at talking
Re serial monogamists - ah ok, so more about length between rather than having had a series of relationships?

frankiefirstyear · 22/04/2021 08:30

@TheCatWithTheHat sorry I forgot to say that I was glad for the kiss, and the fact he'd asked and not just pounced. So I'd prefer either an ask, or a slow and obvious pre kiss warning 🙈

walkigonsuncc · 22/04/2021 08:31

I'm gonna see what he is like in person.
At the minutes he is just annoying me.
I pretended I was going to bed early last night Just to get a bit of peace.
He's asked me on 3 different occasions what my type is.

Telling me he likes "women who look good for their man,nice hair,nails,really try to impress their man on a night out"

frankiefirstyear · 22/04/2021 08:32

@walkigonsuncc that last comment would put me off to the point of ditching him with all the rest tbh!

BelladiMamma · 22/04/2021 08:33

[quote LongtimelurkerL]@walkigonsuncc that sounds creepy to me if I’m honest!

Sorry @SortingItOut I don’t mean I want to get married now! I mean that is my long term plan - obv things could all go wrong with MrLWs but I more meant my goal in dating is to eventually get married and perhaps have children. That’s why I’m asking for advice - I mean wording of that discussion I’m not proposing!! Poorly worded question clearly. Rest is going well, I’m getting better at talking
Re serial monogamists - ah ok, so more about length between rather than having had a series of relationships?[/quote]
Do you put that you want marriage & kids in your profile? It's always a good filter. I put relationship so that I theory the ONS hunters won't hunt me down! And I filter anyone who wants marriage or something casual, I'm not at either end of that spectrum.

If it's in your profile you can always bring it up more naturally too, as in I always say in an early chat - hey we are getting on well just wanted to check in to make sure you knew that I have my DC most of the time, it can impact my availability etc etc. A kind of low key check in to make sure they've read the profile and are listening to what I say

frankiefirstyear · 22/04/2021 08:34

I'm a serial monogamist 🙈 I didn't know that was a 'thing' tbh but always gone from one to the next and find it easiest to transfer my affection quickly so I get over the last.

BelladiMamma · 22/04/2021 08:34

@walkigonsuncc

I'm gonna see what he is like in person. At the minutes he is just annoying me. I pretended I was going to bed early last night Just to get a bit of peace. He's asked me on 3 different occasions what my type is.

Telling me he likes "women who look good for their man,nice hair,nails,really try to impress their man on a night out"

🤦🏻‍♀️

That sounds like way too much pressure. If you're already making excuses that you're tired / going to bed & all his conversation is about appearance that's a series of red not amber flags for me

VanGoghsDog · 22/04/2021 08:38

@walkigonsuncc

I'm gonna see what he is like in person. At the minutes he is just annoying me. I pretended I was going to bed early last night Just to get a bit of peace. He's asked me on 3 different occasions what my type is.

Telling me he likes "women who look good for their man,nice hair,nails,really try to impress their man on a night out"

I would not meet this guy. I'd probably just unmatch anyone who said that sort of stuff.
dancemom · 22/04/2021 08:50

@walkigonsuncc

I'm gonna see what he is like in person. At the minutes he is just annoying me. I pretended I was going to bed early last night Just to get a bit of peace. He's asked me on 3 different occasions what my type is.

Telling me he likes "women who look good for their man,nice hair,nails,really try to impress their man on a night out"

This one would be a no from me!
LongtimelurkerL · 22/04/2021 09:10

@walkigonsuncc I def wouldn't meet either - sounds rather odd!!

Thanks @BelladiMamma - can't remember what the options are on this particular app but I def selected whatever the closest to that is - not sure many have the option of 'marriage' but def said something like 'a serious relationship' or whatever.

SortingItOut · 22/04/2021 09:15

@LongtimelurkerL I'm glad you're getting better at talking to Mr LW.
The marriage question is difficult so early on, are you thinking if his long term plan isn't marriage then you woukd cut your losses now?

I like conversations like that to happen organically so if a friend was getting married and either of you mentioned it you could then ask what his thoughts on marriage are or if you watched a movie where someone got married you could mention it then.

Has Mr LW been married before or have any children?

Yes length of time between relationships, if someone is jumping from relationship to relationship then thats another issue entirely. Could show lack of commitment but equally could show that they have good boundaries.

@frankiefirstyear I can see your reasons for doing it but I don't think its healthy to jump into a relationship so quickly and you're more likely to accept poor behaviour and have poor boundaries when you rush into things.

@walkigonsuncc Run away as fast as you can. His comments have niggled you and instead of listening to your gut you are letting your boundaries down by still meeting him.
We all know his comments are not acceptable.

Onesmallstep67 · 22/04/2021 09:22

@TheCatWithTheHat, do you think you are going on too many quick turnaround dates ? You come across as a lovely guy with lots to offer and it's difficult to read when you have times of feeling lonely or fed up so I can understand why getting out and taking the chance beats sitting home. For a while you seem to have been on a cycle of dates where obviously you were hopeful and then the flat feeling when it's not going to progress afterwards because one or the other of you wasn't feeling it. It is probably tempting to go for a meal with the iron who expects that as a minimum and there is always the thing in the back of your head that drives you on thinking.. maybe today, maybe this one but make sure you're keeping your needs at the forefront of what you do and who you see.

Onesmallstep67 · 22/04/2021 09:31

@walkigonsuncc, it's a no from me too. I would probably have met this guy a few years ago and given him the benefit of the doubt, that he was just clumsily expressing his preferences. The only way to fully judge him is to put it into the context of the rest of your interactions.

Onesmallstep67 · 22/04/2021 09:35

Oh,hang on, on second reading, no way ! Sorry, my short term memory isn't the best so I had remembered the gist but not the specifics - looking good to impress their man !! I subliminally do this at times but not on his command.

LongtimelurkerL · 22/04/2021 09:36

@SortingItOut thanks for the reply -
No kids or marriage no - we've talked about children a bit yes but not marriage - you're right makes more sense if comes up naturally - i'll use your examples when they appear. No not necessarily 'cut my losses' more i'd just like to know - i'm not obsessed with the idea but I think i'd like it.

bangheadhere40 · 22/04/2021 09:36

walking a definite no here 100% after those comments....I wouldn't meet.

pineappleonpizzaornot · 22/04/2021 09:50

Please can I join - The other thread Im on seems to have died!

I recognise a couple of names on here Smile

Im 42 (just!) single for just over a year, dating in that time has gone.....

  1. Catfished
  2. Stalker
  3. Married
  4. Boring as hell
  5. 11 years older than his profile said

Im so fed up of it all.....I just dont know where to go from here Sad

All the men I have had a date with have bullshitted about something, please tell me they arent all the same!