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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

994 replies

SpringlikeBunk · 11/04/2021 17:05

Come ye all!

OP posts:
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17
dancemom · 21/04/2021 18:13

@BelladiMamma I'll try and PM you

SpringlikeBunk · 21/04/2021 18:15

It's a rule of Life for me.

As soon I think "right Bunk get on with work and stop thinking about dating" they all crop up!

OP posts:
DudeFromThatLondon · 21/04/2021 18:16

Although I'd insist on covering the tip for a mariachi band, if there's food involved 50:50 seems the most neutral initially. Makes less presumptions? Don't think it really matters if it's just a coffee or a drink. I had a date last year pay and vamoose on me pretty quick .... I think it was politics (I'm on the left) but I can't be 100% on that. Hmm

SpringlikeBunk · 21/04/2021 18:18

Lol @DudeFromThatLondon

its when we start offering you advice on meeting other women and saying "you're such a lovely guy I can't believe you're single" and calling you "mate" and paying for stuff you know it's doomed!

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 21/04/2021 19:01

To be fair I always offer to pay. If I know I don't like the guy though I will usually insist as I feel bad. Re the chip guy I emptied my purse full of coppers onto him as he was just tight.

If I want to see him again I will let him pay and then pay next time.

dancemom · 21/04/2021 19:53

@BelladiMamma I've sent them to you, hit me with the hard truth 🙈

Heartbeats0708 · 21/04/2021 19:57

It's so interesting being back on an app and seeing all the things discussed on here for myself. No crazy ex, fish pics, no drama, does anyone talk?
Lots of matches, one conversation that got further than hi. He's in a custody battle for his one year old..
Then there was the one I recognised from fab. All fine but a bit duplicitous.
No rush though!

SpringlikeBunk · 21/04/2021 20:07

@Heartbeats0708

Yeh I imagine we’re all very different demographics in terms of our dating pool and presentation for our profiles and we all get the same nutcases!

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BelladiMamma · 21/04/2021 20:15

[quote dancemom]@BelladiMamma I've sent them to you, hit me with the hard truth 🙈[/quote]
Received. They're gorgeous! You look really approachable & like a lovely person.

All the bloody crap about what are you wearing etc is just them pushing boundaries.

LongtimelurkerL · 21/04/2021 20:18

What’s everyone’s view on the serial monogamists?

dancemom · 21/04/2021 20:20

Thank you @BelladiMamma appreciate the feedback that I'm not radiating sex pest magnet!

WeWantTheFinestWines · 21/04/2021 20:24

In the vein of who pays for what, when and why, I just had a profile saying he's looking for "a nice lady to take me out". So I'm now wondering if he's sexist, not sexist, poor, greedy, lazy or wants to be punched.

WeWantTheFinestWines · 21/04/2021 20:28

lurker aren't we all serial monogamists? Isn't it just having a relationship with one person, and then with someone else? Without cheating on them? Or does it mean there isn't an appropriate gap between relationships?

LongtimelurkerL · 21/04/2021 20:47

I don’t know @WeWantTheFinestWines? I was reading something that said that ‘they’ never settle down and got myself panicked

LongtimelurkerL · 21/04/2021 21:10

I want to get married! Not sure how you bring that up after 8 months

Also - re the paying discussion - pretty sure it’s completely different each time

DudeFromThatLondon · 21/04/2021 21:14

Grin @SpringlikeBunk - Or calling me dude.... I had that once on a tinder match. Chatted with an iron for a wee while who was a bit evasive who then fronted out as having met someone she liked. But then she said I was lovely and helped me sort my profile out, a really good sort.

Yeah I think serial monogamists are never single, no gaps. So no reason you could be one and not settle down?

Lovemusic33 · 21/04/2021 21:32

I haven’t posted in a while, kind of gave up with dating during lockdown as it was impossible whilst juggling kids and work.

Today I went on a date, it was quite relaxed and a last minute thing, went for a walk and talked for way too long. I didn’t feel any butterflies but we got on really well, a bit of kissing before I went home and he’s been messaging me this evening. He’s similar to me and doesn’t want a serious relationship which is good.

The apps seem to be really busy since restrictions have been lifted and I’m getting a lot of messages, most are not my type but it’s good to see lots of new profiles springing up.

VanGoghsDog · 21/04/2021 22:25

I have two offers of dates and MrDecorator coming on strong, but still saying "when are you inviting me round for coffee" - I've told him no three times now, it's illegal, plus if he wants to see me he can arrange a proper date.

MrNose said "would you like to meet for a coffee" which seems reasonably straightforward. So I said, that would be nice, let's try and find a time. And he sent me his phone number. I'm not ready to move to phone numbers.

MrAppButterfly I have spoken now on Bumble, Badoo and Tinder. We each send a sentence a day on Tinder now. He said he's replying more now because "you have added more pretty photos of your beautiful self" - anyway, he has suggested a walk. I said, OK, where. He said wherever you like. I said that's vague, when then? He said whenever you like.

Aaargh - why can't people be more.........I dunno, bloody decisive! But then, not too decisive like MrNose.

I've got club walks on both Sat and Sunday anyway.
And I only really want to see MrWG. I need to find a way to get some of his time. It's his birthday next week I think, I might ask him if I can take him for a drink.

SpringlikeBunk · 21/04/2021 22:35

MrPM messaged to say he’s flat out at work (I know his industry is totally chaotic due to covid) but would still like to meet

and MrSaw said he’d like a few dates (and joked about me not seeing anyone else).

Holiday is turning into a bit of a potential sausage fest was quite looking forward to just being a bit grubby and wearing black leggings and getting snacks to eat in hostel bed whilst Mumsnetting!

Thing is it’s all bullshit till it’s real - it’s easy to feel like a female player with early attention, but most guys with anything about them are going to have plenty of contacts and options.

OP posts:
SpringlikeBunk · 21/04/2021 22:37

My holiday Hmm

Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...
Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...
Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...
OP posts:
MotherForker · 21/04/2021 23:36

I had a second date tonight. It was lovely. Weird in that, he's not really my type (but bit unattractive), but I love spending time with him and he kissed me at the end I I got butterflies.

I'm seeing him again tomorrow! We have so much in common and he's lovely. Very considerate (my mum would describe him as a gentleman!)

I've also been asked on another date by an iron. He is very much my type and lots of messaging, similar sense of humour etc.

TheCatWithTheHat · 22/04/2021 00:16

I had a nice time with my date this evening - I thought she was pretty, and enjoyed her company although didn't feel much of a spark. However I'd have definitely seen her again for a proper date with a drink. But I got the dreaded "you're a really nice guy, but I just don't see you as more than a friend" reply. Ho hum.

Maybe I'm missing a trick and not being flirty enough. I'm reading about all these first dates that end in a kiss - do you know during the date that you fancy the guy, or do most guys make a move at the end of a date?

Also I swiped right on the woman who said she doesn't meet for coffee or drinks. I've said literally 22 words to her, and she's asked if I'm free for dinner tomorrow night. Now I know I'm a pretty decent catch, but even so, that's a little odd I think.

SpringlikeBunk · 22/04/2021 00:48

@TheCatWithTheHat

Glad you had a nice night out at least -

It’s a tough one - I don’t think there’s any “one size fits all” format as everyone is so different

One tip I read once on a dating blog was to make sure you’re filtering so the people you meet and connect with are showing reciprocated interest

and you’re fishing from the pool of people who look at your photos and your profile and ALREADY have you down as someone very attractive - this applies to both genders.

This means your conversion rate from meets will be higher?

So maybe women who instigate chats, bring up the idea of meeting?....

Maybe I’m reading it wrong but I get the vibe you’re more on the “gentlemanly formal side” asking women out on dates

and that’s awesome I love that - but also I wonder if you’re getting women agreeing just for a social thing who are a bit lukewarm?

Like, say, I could probably message MrGorgeous who wanted me to Instagram link and might be able to talk him into meeting? If I arranged a good night out etc.

But he hasn’t really shown much enthusiasm so even if he turned up I’m not sure what he would think?

With my last meet MrSaw I already found his profile attractive, or with MrPM I already like his photos etc.

That’s why I’m doing instigating and contacting them?

I mean I’m not sending photos of me naked and begging but I’ve kept regular contact, easily agreed to meets and suggested them etc.

I think for both genders the goal is to meet people who would be keen and interested even if it’s just meeting for a boring cup of tea and no glamour or sex or big nights out?

And filtering out any contacts who are lukewarm or require chasing or persuading.

OP posts:
PyjamasOClock · 22/04/2021 06:54

After many years and a name change I wondered if I can join you again?

I've been single pretty much for 4 years and sorted and sold my house and had a promotion at work so in a good place I think. Been very strict with my criteria on Bumble - no one that can't be bothered to write anything or kids in their main photo.

Had a couple of video calls (dates?) the last couple of nights and another planned for tonight. Man 1 - whinged about his ex and talked probably 80% of the time. Just thinking of how to phrase my thanks but no thanks. A shame as he shares my faith and that would be my longer term preference but I don't think that covers the lack of consideration even in a 40 minute call. Man 2 - spent 90 minutes chatting and I'd definitely meet up with him. No real LTRs at 39 though and lots of moves round the country. Thinking I'll message this morning and see if he's free one evening?

I've benefited lots in the past from the support and no nonsense advice here so hope you don't mind me jumping in.

walkigonsuncc · 22/04/2021 07:52

Would this put you off.
Guy I'm on a date with tomorrow..

Do you kiss on first date?
Are you gonna go to the toilet and not come back?
I'm very touchy feeling,hope you don't mind
Do you like my lips ?
You can hold my hand

He never stops going on.
It's putting me off

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