Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

[SpringlikeBunk]

Come ye all!

@walkigonsuncc

We said a drink but everywhere for drinks is full and we thought if we booked a table we could share maybe a pizza and have cocktails there. The queue for a pub as walk in was two hours long last Friday.

Does anyone get anxiety at the end of the night when it comes to paying the bill?
I obviously like to pay half each but a couple of dates they've insisted on paying and I don't like that
How do you approach this ?

I prefer to pay my share. But I'm not going to get into a row about it so if he wants to try to look like he's treating me then fine, so be it.
I usually try twice to say no, I'll pay for my share. Mind you, if they'd had loads more than me I'd be totting up in my head how much mine cost and just slip the cash on the tray and say "that covers mine" so he can pay the rest.

If they make a fuss I say "I'll pay the tip then" and I put a generous tip, at least £5 anyway, so they know I've not tried to come out for a free meal.

I've got another video date with Mr Bookworm today. Feeling very excited.

Aww @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, that's a lovely update. Are you hoping to arrange an in person meet or is that difficult for either of you at the moment ?

I think this paying for dates thing is very simple. He asks me - he pays. I do not do the faux offer, I do not order the most expensive things. I say thank you.

Obviously if it goes beyond the first date, we take it in turns and I don't mean by noting oh you did it last time so its now your turn and so we have to go to x priced restaurant, I'm always quite embarassed when I see the toting up, splitting, looking for change to make it exact etc. I like genorousity in all aspects of my relationship-affection, gifts, spirit etc...

Feeling a bit meh at the moment. Had one of those days yesterday, full of hassle and irritations. Got turned down for a job I could do standing on my head and technically I am over qualified for - but not worked for 5 years so assume that impacted their decision ? Phone decided to lock itself , despite me never having used a passcode before it's now asking for one, and numerous other silly things all of which is making me feel rubbish today. None of them directly linked to Mr V although he seems marginally distant as he has a hospital appointment on Thursday for something which has rumbled on with no answers for a while. Feeling the need for a change of scenery and a few relaxing days but no chance of that whilst my DD completes whatever is left to do of her GCSEs

@Onesmallstep67

Aww *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*, that's a lovely update. Are you hoping to arrange an in person meet or is that difficult for either of you at the moment ?

Thank you @Onesmallstep67. Yes, we have started to discuss it, but we haven't got a definite where and when yet

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards great news - hope it goes well for you :)

Of my 6 first dates last year only one went 50/50 and the men paid in all others and refused to allow me to contribute - 3 of those were a coffee or one drink so hardly breaking the bank for either party:)

Although the one that we split the bill on was probably the most expensive meal with cocktails, plus I knew I would never see him again so I wouldn’t have been comfortable letting him pay

Haven't been on Mumsnet for ages so feel like I've missed out on loads on these threads!! Will have a brew and a catch up read when th kids are in bed later. Little update from me for anyone that can actually remember - MrGorgeous and I have fizzled out, which I'm totally okay with..he was gorgeous and good chemistry but personality wise we weren't a match. Mr Feminine and I (the guy I met at the park - I think that was my last update) ended up meeting 5 times, he was so nice...cooked for me, back massages, Lots in common, good chemistry/sex... but I felt he was too intense too quickly so I've called it off, with him saying it's fine and the doors open still if I should change my mind. However....MrImpressions is on the scene and I am so excited by this one. We met for the first time on Saturday, beer garden date in a city I've never been to. Had the most amazing day and we've spoken non stop via text and call since. He's very very confident, funny and charming which does scare me a bit as I don't know how much he actually likes me back and how much is just his genuine charming personality. Hoping to meet again next weekend but this one definitely gave me the butterflies straight away!

[quote Mayzee]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards great news - hope it goes well for you :)

Of my 6 first dates last year only one went 50/50 and the men paid in all others and refused to allow me to contribute - 3 of those were a coffee or one drink so hardly breaking the bank for either party:)

Although the one that we split the bill on was probably the most expensive meal with cocktails, plus I knew I would never see him again so I wouldn’t have been comfortable letting him pay [/quote]
Thank you @Mayzee ❤️

Glad peoples irons and dates are going well, I can't even find someone to chat with for more than 48 hours 🙄

New pet peeve on dating profiles .... any man who uses the word naughty ... or even worse nawty 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm sat at my computer, twitching about sending Mr Cocky an email. He's a very long term FWB although nothing physical has happened between us for over a year. I have been NC with him for 5 weeks, having decided it didn't seem right to be chatting to him daily when I was seeing Mr V. There is always a flirtatious element to our chats but he's also been a really supportive person and in the 7 years of our friendship we've been there for each other in the toughest of times. He can't offer me what I want but his steady stream of emails and whatsapp have filled many a day and evening. Sorry, this is just a brain dump.

@Onesmallstep67 it sounds a bit like you just want to fill up your time with Mr Cocky because you are low. Would you be ok with Mr V doing the same?

@havecourage8bekind Mr Impressions sounds really fun! Hope that one goes well!

No @Eesha, I wouldn't like Mr V to be doing anything like that. It is the main reason why I stopped the messaging as it was inappropriate and it would have signalled the end of things with Mr V if he knew. I guess in an ideal world you meet someone, they are great, everything slots into place and your needs, whatever they might be, are met. It hasn't quite been like that with Mr V. Therefore it was important to see if what he and I have is right for me - and him- without any distractions.

@havecourage8bekind

Sounds good!

With your MrImpressions, I feel the same way about MrSaw I had one meet with at the weekend - not sure if he's a charming highly skilled social type with everyone, or if there was something "specific"?

But I think we're "at the same level", and actually I've found the guys who tend to love bomb me, be over-keen and see me as the solution to all their life woes are desperate or not actually offering anything I want down the line?

When I was younger I used to date really odd looking blokes or the awkward guys no-one else wanted as I thought they'd treat me better, (but often they're the worst!) so going for a more mainstream confident type is interesting.

I think this paying for dates thing is very simple. He asks me - he pays. I do not do the faux offer, I do not order the most expensive things. I say thank you.

It's funny isn't it, because I think it's rude to say "he asks, he pays", especially in an old situation.

Women often wait for men to ask, expect them to do the asking, so saying "he asks, he pays" is like saying "I'll just wait around until someone is prepared to spend money on me".

I hate, really really hate, anyone paying for things for me. But especially men, especially on dates.

I don't do any "faux offer". I WANT to pay for myself. But if men make a fuss (which they often do, because they're sexist, they wouldn't do it with their mates) then I'm not gettimv into a row in public, so I back down - but it's a blackmark against at them because I don't like being told what to do (i.e. accept them paying). And I don't like men who see women as somehow "lesser" and in need of their benevolence.

@VanGoghsDog

To each their own is, BUT

It's not a sexist thing at all. Maybe more cultural. If I invite anyone out- friend, potential boyfriend whoever I pay. I was stunned to be invited out for a birthday dinner and at the end the bill is being divvied up.

I love doing nice things for people and I love love that in return. Not in a transactional way, but in a oh I remember myfabby likes salted caramel chocs and I saw a really lush looking box at airport/stall so I picked them up. I value friendships and family after a season of many losses, so I don't sweat the small stuff at all...

@havecourage8bekind so glad you've got butterflies, and options on open doors!

@Onesmallstep67 I let my FWB go with a 'I've met someone so need to step back' conversation when MrM and I got together. Since it's ended with MrM I've been back in touch but he's basically closed the door 😒 which is all the more frustrating because he was a good listener and support, and has been for many years, always a confidence boost too when needed. Makes it a sharper sting that MrM was such a U turn in terms of offering the world to me. So sick of being so gullible!!

That makes me sound like a user but he used to show up unannounced so I felt I had to tell him about MrM, plus we had said we'd be exclusive (MrM's idea 🙄)

@frankiefirstyear, your FWB sounds very similar to mine. When I told my best friend I was severing contact she told me to do it at a time when I was in a good place because she knows how much his support and constant presence meant to me.
I don't think you were gullible to believe Mr M when he offered you exclusivity etc. You took a chance and allowed yourself to believe him. Trusting someone is not a bad thing but it has to be earned. I am not someone to be very open with my feelings until I know I am on safer ground.

I love doing nice things for people and I love love that in return

We are talking about a first 'date' with an internet random here, not a lifelong friend who knows you love pink. It's a bit different.

It's definitely sexist. I'm British so talking from that culture. I accept other cultures have different norms. But any norms that make women somehow worth less are sexist whether that's their culture or not.

@havecourage8bekind - ooh good luck with Mr Impressions. Sorry too Mr Gorgeous and Mr Feminine didn’t work out.

I’m still messaging with Mr Haircut - nice pleasant chats , he sends a good morning message each day now - not yet asked to meet up but he did give me a compliment today on my photos - which is the first of any ‘non dull’ chat he’s done. No mad spark on texts but vs MrS where we got on like a house on fire, on phone too talking for hours really clicked and then after first meet he just went more and more quiet (I’m still annoyed when I asked for a second meet he agreed (twice) and then gradually backed off -) so maybe general chatty texts could mean we click on meeting. Who knows? (I’m too old for all this) plus I’ve done something to my back , haha - my big plan for getting fit and gorgeous has injured me - I’m too old to start mad exercise regimes !!!

Help please on Mr Irish - also texting him , but not feeling it at all. He was the one who phoned me without prior warning , a no no for me, I didn’t answer - but still . I need to plan calls around sorting kids dinner , work etc .
He was away this weekend but back yesterday and a few texts. But I feel he’s not told me anything about him - I don’t know him at all. He’s asked if I want to meet (after saying ‘I want a girlfriend’ and I don’t know what to reply. My gut is saying ‘no’ - so maybe the ‘ look it’s been nice chatting but I’ve started seeing another chap and I’m going to give it a go - best of luck?’ I feel really nervous about saying that for some reason (again - how old am I ?!)

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - hope your video chat today goes well

@walkigonsuncc - good luck for your dinner date - much more civilised than striding on a 5 mile hike - but yes wrap up warm.

Effort reflects interest - must repeat to myself !!!

[quote GaraMedouar]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - hope your video chat today goes well

@walkigonsuncc - good luck for your dinner date - much more civilised than striding on a 5 mile hike - but yes wrap up warm.

Effort reflects interest - must repeat to myself !!! [/quote]
Thank you @GaraMedouar ❤️