Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

[SpringlikeBunk]

Come ye all!

Eg not for dating but I've had some fairly nasty ex friends who made a point about turning up late etc and then explained it off as "oh aren't I just a forgetful type".

My ex was like this. Missed appointments, late all the time, 'forgot' things, blatantly lied etc. Always telling he was just 'laidback'. No. Useless and disrespectful.

Funny he never missed or forgot motorbike events, or meet ups with mates. Only things with me.

Like I'm hoping MrS isn't like this - he was very very keen when we met and in contact beforehand, and very enthusiastic, keen to come across as quite a monogamous guy.

but now he's not really messaged that much and I'm kind of wondering if he's set me up to chase, and if its just going to be "drop into mine for a last minute hookup" when I'm in his city?

Which is kind of fine if it happens, but the thought of someone "planning it" is creepy?

So I've gone to a "lets see what the contact is like" stance.

Got a message from MrSaw saying he actually was on family phone calls last night so he is sorry he couldn't reply.

So I'll just accept that maybe contact has "calmed down" a bit and see how it goes - we were messaging daily before he came down but maybe that's not sustainable?

Or he feels silly doing all the extravagant flirty stuff now he's met "the real me", or has met someone else?

Who knows? Could be a one date NHS wonder.

I'll message him some work stuff to check and then just check in when I'm making plans to get to the city to see what's going on..

@SpringlikeBunk

I’m sorry he could have texted that in 30 seconds yesterday. I’ve stopped making these kind of excuses because that’s what they are ... excuses.

@SpringlikeBunk

Got a message from MrSaw saying he actually was on family phone calls last night so he is sorry he couldn't reply.

So I'll just accept that maybe contact has "calmed down" a bit and see how it goes - we were messaging daily before he came down but maybe that's not sustainable?

Or he feels silly doing all the extravagant flirty stuff now he's met "the real me", or has met someone else?

Who knows? Could be a one date NHS wonder.

I'll message him some work stuff to check and then just check in when I'm making plans to get to the city to see what's going on..

That's very frustrating but at least you've had some contact. I would find the will he / won't he about the date when you get up to town annoying too. I haven't followed your situation from the start but maybe now is the time to say quite plainly - I'm up but have other invites so please {get your arse in gear} let me know by ... if we are seeing each other ... as I don't want to miss out on seeing mates etc

But I'm a total amateur so I'm sure someone else will have better advice in a mo!

And reminder to myself and everyone on here a lesson I’ve repeatedly had to learn ;

Effort reflects interest ...

@Myfabby

Yy That is a very good point - I mean previous week he’s been messaging lots from busy workplace etc so clearly not struggling with multi tasking etc?

I actually don’t mind the slowing down of contact a bit myself - I’m not on the apps but do have one guy who has offered me a city tour in contact.

I’m not like totally sold on a meet myself - I mean ok if it happens but I also don’t want to have the hassle of organising date clothes as if I’m going single I’ll just take one pair of jeans and be a dirty but happy single girl backpacker seeing art etc and enjoying lockdown freedom 🤔

Or there’s an argument for just firing up tinder if I fancy it in the hostel and saying “everywhere’s open! Who is taking me out for dinner?” As I’ve done that before when visiting a new city

Maybe I might actually just say why don’t we just meet for a walk or drinks or “out date” if he wants to slow the pace down a bit?

That’s less hassle and commitment. We had some kisses and a bit of a cuddle on our walk but nothing beyond.

I also want him to check some techie stuff for me so I’ll send it across this week

True fabby effort does reflect interest...and if the effort isn't there we need to pull back, not chase further to compensate.

I’m genuinely happy seeing no one and just having a holiday so there’s a slight argument for doing that rather than trying to juggle meets and contact etc

Also I'm genuinely not "overscheduled" so I don't want to start playing power games and do the whole "I'm so busy you need to confirm now" stuff?

I'll just be honest and see what happens - apart from datey clothes I just need to walk to a coffee shop/his flat etc.

I don't want my whole trip to be "at his" so I'm happy if its slowed down a bit.

If I needed to make specific travel arrangements or was hosting I'd need to know in advance, but I don't so its ok.

I don't really like it when people go "agree to X RIGHT NOW or I'm throwing my toys out of the pram" (MrMilitary I'm looking at you here kid).

Overall the first meet was great, he was reliable, travelled the distance, wasn't after sex, fed and watered me, was very flattering and kind so I don't feel that he has started out being flaky?

I started chatting to a guy on Saturday and on Friday he wants to meet for a date.
Am I rushing into it?
Should I suggest talking more ?
Also what the hell can I wear
It's a meal on the quayside in Newcastle at an Italians
I want to look nice but warm too

@SpringlikeBunk

Also I'm genuinely not "overscheduled" so I don't want to start playing power games and do the whole "I'm so busy you need to confirm now" stuff?

I'll just be honest and see what happens - apart from datey clothes I just need to walk to a coffee shop/his flat etc.

I don't want my whole trip to be "at his" so I'm happy if its slowed down a bit.

If I needed to make specific travel arrangements or was hosting I'd need to know in advance, but I don't so its ok.

I don't really like it when people go "agree to X RIGHT NOW or I'm throwing my toys out of the pram" (MrMilitary I'm looking at you here kid).

Overall the first meet was great, he was reliable, travelled the distance, wasn't after sex, fed and watered me, was very flattering and kind so I don't feel that he has started out being flaky?

Fair enough!

Sounds like a lovely solo weekend. A bit jealous

It is tough @BelladiMamma as all the microaggressions of dating and life often build up so I find I’m second guessing people?

But as I’m not having to make any plans or bookings in advance there’s no need to really know anything in particular apart from whether to bring date clothes or not.

@walkigonsuncc

I started chatting to a guy on Saturday and on Friday he wants to meet for a date. Am I rushing into it? Should I suggest talking more ? Also what the hell can I wear It's a meal on the quayside in Newcastle at an Italians I want to look nice but warm too

Layers are the only way to go. It's absolutely freezing of an evening and be windy on quayside for sure! I've had my fire pit on and still had a huge coat and blanket out with me. Ain't nothing sexy about chattering teeth 😅

@SpringlikeBunk

It is tough *@BelladiMamma* as all the microaggressions of dating and life often build up so I find I’m second guessing people?

But as I’m not having to make any plans or bookings in advance there’s no need to really know anything in particular apart from whether to bring date clothes or not.

I hear you. Been there! Kind of an awkward limbo isn't it. You don't want to be checking your phone all the time you're there either

Totally jealous of your mini break @SpringlikeBunk it sounds lovely. I'd be tempted to chuck a casual date outfit in the bag but play it by ear. Love the idea of throwing it out there when you get there and see who takes you up on it. Appreciate it could be risky but that kind of spontaneity is exactly what's been missing this last year.
Effort reflects interest wow- wise words. Still can't apply that to myself but yes, deep down I know it's true. And that's not necessarily messaging constantly or whatever, just the level of engagement really damn you Mr Polo

@walkigonsuncc

I started chatting to a guy on Saturday and on Friday he wants to meet for a date. Am I rushing into it? Should I suggest talking more ? Also what the hell can I wear It's a meal on the quayside in Newcastle at an Italians I want to look nice but warm too

This is generally my timing. Although a quick phone call is always good to see if you think you can manage a couple of hours with this person?

I've got a puffa jacket that I wear underneath other ones. And I took a small blanket / shawl to my date Friday

@walkigonsuncc

I started chatting to a guy on Saturday and on Friday he wants to meet for a date. Am I rushing into it? Should I suggest talking more ? Also what the hell can I wear It's a meal on the quayside in Newcastle at an Italians I want to look nice but warm too

I wouldn't go for a meal for a first date, just coffee, drink or walk.

I also wouldn't go for an outdoor evening meal unless we were in a certified heatwave. Or Australia!

We said a drink but everywhere for drinks is full and we thought if we booked a table we could share maybe a pizza and have cocktails there.
The queue for a pub as walk in was two hours long last Friday.

Does anyone get anxiety at the end of the night when it comes to paying the bill?
I obviously like to pay half each but a couple of dates they've insisted on paying and I don't like that
How do you approach this ?

I may have to hide this thread until we are out of lockdown in Ireland 🙈
I’m very envious of your dates in actual places

After a terrible date a while back where I ended up paying for all the food (filet steak and desserts each) and he bought the drinks (a pint of beer and a coke) I now say upfront that we put it on two bills so we each pay for what we have. If they insist on paying I would feel a bit uncomfortable, especially if I wasn't interested in them, but that's my personal take on it.

@Mayzee

I may have to hide this thread until we are out of lockdown in Ireland 🙈 I’m very envious of your dates in actual places

Tbf it's dates outside actual places 😅 but I know what you mean, I was always really envious of those in places with activities going on!

Yeh its always tough with judging levels of "effort" - reliability is generally more important than flirty chat for me?

I've never really had many "good interactions" with communication so I'm kind of learning as I go along (hence all the overanalysing on this thread).

I find a lot of guys who really push on the initial contact are thinking with their penises.

If we say we're meeting on X day then put in in your diary and stick to X day or let me know in advance

but someone just sending lots of "how was ur day" messages drives me nuts.

Also I know that my closest long term male friends (years, very reliable, definitely have my best interests at heart) can and have sometimes missed a couple of messages etc. Or not communicate for months.

But over time they've proved that they are really decent guys who care lots for me and have really practically benefitted me in my life.

@walkigonsuncc

I'd actually be up for that - even if there's no romance I agree it would be quite nice to just sit with a pizza and a glass of something and have access to toilets and not just be randomly wandering around trying to kill time and "see things" like I did at the weekend!

Have you got a nice flattering coat and hat you can wear?

Evening means it gets VERY chilly fast even if its sunny - so definitely no dresses, tights, boots if you have them.

If you want to pay for yours separately, I'd just have cash ready and change and have an idea of how much yours is then put it on the table as soon as the bill comes?

@SpringlikeBunk yeah I have a faux fur coat which is nice and warm
I was thinking with some high waist skinny's and a nice top with maybe some black ankle boots.
Hopefully it's fun.
I'm really looking forward to it (probably more for a cocktail than the date tho )