Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

[SpringlikeBunk]

Come ye all!

My first half an hour has been 😬😬😬 at the men in my area. Hopefully it will pick up. I think people are dating closer to home because of covid and I don't live in a very diverse area.

Trying to avoid all the military men, scammers, fuck boys, future fakers and love bombers. Wish me luck 😂

"...all the military men, scammers, fuck boys, future fakers and love bombers..."

@Dancerinthemoonlight that sounds like my block list on Whatsapp!

I have "bog-standard weirdos" though too to add to the list for a bonus.

I had a chat with someone who sounded Ok on Tinder then got into how he's moving to Spain then not but he doesn't want to have the vaccine as he's a vegan...

(nothing wrong with Spain or being vegan but just randomly ranting about it...)

MrPM not replied to my message with my dates for my staycation so either he's off the market or he's benched/ghosted me.

My staycation is either going to be a sausage-fest or I'll be alone with a book.

Going to motivate myself to keep swiping even if it's shite, just 1-2 good contacts can make a difference.

@SpringlikeBunk

Thanks *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*

I haven’t had any aggressive conversations or classic dick pics but it’s just the dullness of it all.

Definitely inclined to go semi-steady with someone if I hit it off with them - I want to plan weekends away etc not sift through matches.

@SpringlikeBunk I completely understand that 🙂 I'm exactly the same ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Yeh I think it was bit before you joined the thread but I had a very reliable, very nice iron MrC (worked away a lot) and it just made a whole difference to my confidence even though we weren't 100% compatible?

And I didn't think it was thunderbolts, or "love or massive chemistry at first sight" at all - just a solid decent guy who liked me and did what he said he would and was a good communicator.

So I think if I could find something similar it would be cool.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Yeh I think it was bit before you joined the thread but I had a very reliable, very nice iron MrC (worked away a lot) and it just made a whole difference to my confidence even though we weren't 100% compatible?

And I didn't think it was thunderbolts, or "love or massive chemistry at first sight" at all - just a solid decent guy who liked me and did what he said he would and was a good communicator.

So I think if I could find something similar it would be cool.[/quote]
@SpringlikeBunk I think I remember him being mentioned. I completely understand where you're coming from. Communication from a man is so important. My ex wasn't very good at communicating with me in the end so I really want a man who isn't afraid to say what he thinks or feels ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk and a partner doesn't have to be 100% compatible with you. As long as you can communicate easily, that's all that matters ❤️

I haven’t had any aggressive conversations or classic dick pics but it’s just the dullness of it all.

Same.
They seem incapable of asking any questions. I give them one chance, so two return exchanges.

One guy, his first message was "how tall are you and what colour are your eyes". Really odd.

Not much after that. Obviously I am the wrong height or have the wrong colour eyes!

It's so boring. MrDecorator still chatting a bit.

Hello from me again! I've skimmed down the thread and uttersocks, can't believe how similar our situations are - fabulous insight though from hairyarsedman, did give me lots to think about. Love this thread!

Update: Things didn't work out with Mr M but thankfully remain friends as we do see each other at work so all good there for now, though he has hinted towards fb but I think I can rest easy with that as his actions rarely married his verbal intent.
So...
I got back on Tinder and now chatting to a new iron who I shall name Mr Snap. This is big news for me because I've never actually met anyone via dating apps that I don't know or know of through friends etc. We have planned to meet on Monday, at a nearby village for a walk. The chat is a bit random and doesn't flow (hate to compare!) like with Mr M. Wonder how long I'm going to be thinking that way 🤦‍♀️

@VanGoghsDog

Yes, and then I get cynical so I probably end up being anti-social in turn. And the merry dance goes on.....

I think I'm just at the life stage where I'm more sensitive and less tolerant of "weird" interactions? Before I used to be fairly resilient and thick-skinned and now I'm not.

Next time I'm on the apps after this session of goes, I'll try to have a "system" where I just swipe for, say, X amount of time a day and then screen quickly, check messages

and basically treat it like a job?

I think part of the issue is maybe pacing - especially WFH I think it's easy to get caught up in stuff, so try to keep it fairly constrained and screen ruthlessly.

@frankiefirstyear

Hello from me again! I've skimmed down the thread and uttersocks, can't believe how similar our situations are - fabulous insight though from hairyarsedman, did give me lots to think about. Love this thread!

Update: Things didn't work out with Mr M but thankfully remain friends as we do see each other at work so all good there for now, though he has hinted towards fb but I think I can rest easy with that as his actions rarely married his verbal intent.
So...
I got back on Tinder and now chatting to a new iron who I shall name Mr Snap. This is big news for me because I've never actually met anyone via dating apps that I don't know or know of through friends etc. We have planned to meet on Monday, at a nearby village for a walk. The chat is a bit random and doesn't flow (hate to compare!) like with Mr M. Wonder how long I'm going to be thinking that way 🤦‍♀️

That's so good to hear, @frankiefirstyear. Glad to hear you've worked things out with Mr M

Good luck with your date with Mr Snap

[quote dancemom]@SpringlikeBunk I have so many things that put me off

If you don't look like your photos you're buying the drinks until you do - original 🙄

My kids are my world and if you dont like that swipe left - wow you're dad of the year then 🙄

Women, why so much make up, I prefer natural - nobody asked you pal 🙄

I'm jaded already 🤦🏻‍♀️[/quote]
The kids one is fairly common on women's profiles too, and I've started to see the buying the drinks one more frequently as well. Both put me off too. Also you can replace the makeup comment with one about no fish and cars - although to be fair, they probably have a point with that one!

The instagram thing is common too - usually they say they're too busy to check the app, so it's best to DM them on Insta, but to do that you need to follow them. I think it's just a way to increase their follower count, so probably aren't even looking to meet people. That's an instant left swipe for me too.

I had my vaccination this morning, and I'm not sure whether it's a recognised side effect, but I'm utterly fed up with OLD today. I'm so bored with coming up with questions to ask, only to get replies 4 days later, or one-sided conversations from people who don't have any interest in asking me anything.

I'm not sure whether it's vaccine related, or just because I'm feeling down about Miss H but I'm on the verge of just deleting everyone and giving up. I'm also teetering on the verge of updating my profile with lots of bitter and cynical comments, and I may throw in a few fish and mirror selfies too.

I re-installed Happn now that I'm going out a bit more, but I really don't like the app - does anyone else here use it and find it effective?

@TheCatWithTheHat

I haven’t even had a bad breakup and I want a bloody break from the apps after a couple days!

Thanks for sharing your experience of the Instagram types - it just really confused me as it went from enthusiastic (contacted me first, asked genuine questions, showed an interest in things that weren’t just looks based - like work/study etc). Mentioned what we’d talk about if we met

Then “didn’t get notifications from Tinder so needed Instagram”

Then I suggested WhatsApp so he sent a first message then nothing

It’s a shame because we’re starting in a similar field so actually could genuinely have been work contacts , but it just seems a tedious way to get an extra follower!

But maybe he was scoping out if I had the “right kind of connections ” before joining him on Instagram as he wanted to access “certain groups of people” for his followers and contacts.

Yuck yuck yuck. I don’t think I’m that thick skinned right now so all the little micro aggressions are adding up.

I think I'm too thick skinned. I literally DGAF most of the time.

I do try to ask questions but it gets hard when they don't ask any back. Just two word answers and lol or 🤪 (I had to really look for that emoji, I genuinely don't think I've ever used it before).

Mind you, there is a woman in my walking group who I quite like chatting to, except that if I say anything remotely amusing (frequent, I'm a laugh a minute me!) she says "lol" out loud. It does my head in. If a date did that I'd just walk away and get back in my car and drive off and delete him.

That sounds strange that he would put all that effort into speaking to you just to get you to follow him on Instagram - there must have been more to it than simply increasing his follower count by 1.

The profiles I've seen just have it on their profile text "can't see likes, DM me on Instagram at instaprofilename" and I would guess there isn't even a genuine person at the end of that profile.

I did think that notifications excuse was made up, but for some reason my phone has stopped giving me notifications from certain apps, including Hinge, Bumble and WhatsApp so I need to open the apps to check if I've received messages. Instagram still works though, so maybe all these attractive women I've been swiping left on are genuine and just have similar phone issues to me

@VanGoghsDog that actually did make me chuckle reading that someone actually says lol in real life. Can I say it made me COL?

The asking questions and just getting an answer back really annoys me. I've started deleting them after a couple of boring replies where they have no interest in asking me anything, but sadly that wipes out most of my matches. The problem I'm finding now is that I'm feeling so jaded with the whole thing, that I really struggle to find the motivation to ask interesting questions - it just all seems rather pointless, so I may as well give up before wasting any effort on chatting.

Maybe it's time to have another break from the apps...

Yeh, who knows?

Maybe if I have Instagram it's a way of "checking out what I look like and what kind of glam lifestyle I have in advance"?

But that's just ridiculous and I don't want to go down that road of "trying to impress" - I look like my photos, a bit of nice chat and me texting to say "let's do coffee" should be enough?

Plus it's just attention-seeking and poor social boundaries - like presumably there are other women he's asked to follow him there, so "we all see each other", bit weird!

The fact that I'm stressed and overthinking this means I need a break or to go steady with someone!

Did you get anything back from closing things with MissH @TheCatWithTheHat?

Possibly - some people live on Instagram! I use it occasionally as photography is a hobby, but have my full name on there so there's no way I'd give that to someone before I've got to know them first.

Yes, kind of - she basically just said "OK, sorry" and that was that. All that wondering and gut-wrenching over a message that meant nothing.

Good you've said your piece and got some closure on that @TheCatWithTheHat

I'd also block but maybe that's just me? So she can phone you if she has decided to really seriously resume things but no "casual random questions that she could have found out the answer on Google".

I don't think she'll be in touch, but if she does then I can always block. She probably assumed I'd be over it by now given it's almost 6 months since we last saw each other - which is probably a fairly reasonable assumption if I'm honest...

So Eesha the detective strikes again! Some may remember i did some digging on a previous iron and found a recent drink drive conviction, which coupled with his children not wanting much to do with him raised the red flags! Next, another whose 'casual' partner has him and her on her Facebook profile. Now the new iron where i decided to go with a phone call rather than a video call, really nice guy but some further secret detective work found that he's on almost obsessive level fanboy status with a female k pop band!!! (tweets regularly about them, has their pictures etc). Something just doesn't sit well with me, and im happy to be proved wrong, but this is a middle aged man and these are teens/Japanese doll types? Anyway, im regretting dipping my toe in again as i feel like the men (and most likely it's the same for both sexes) all have stuff wrong with them.

Can someone tell me if im being overly judgemental here?

@Eesha No! just no! That is weird and if it’s judgmental of me to say that I don’t care!
Unless he’s the band manager or father of one of the members, why would he be doing that? I know peoples taste in music vary, but a grown man liking a band made up of young girls is just weird.

@Eesha

Can someone tell me if im being overly judgemental here?

I'm with you. Unless he had a real connection / reason ... it's a bit odd

I had a lovely dinner date with Mr Bear last night. Quick goodbye snog, he's lovely. I'm smitten but his situation is complex. Will write more later! Trying to figure out how much detail to give so it doesn't out him but London is a big place so I'm sure I'll find a way 😊