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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

994 replies

SpringlikeBunk · 11/04/2021 17:05

Come ye all!

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17
BelladiMamma · 16/04/2021 09:10

@walkigonsuncc

It's left my confidence pretty low tbh All the communication,talking of future then boom gone Blocked
You have dodged a bullet. Someone like that doesn't deserve a second thought Thanks
sally2021 · 16/04/2021 09:35

@Dancerinthemoonlight one of the reasons I had salty as my nickname was because I didn't waste a single second on someone who sent me a message like that. When I read you'd not even met yet I wanted to throw up. I bet he is either incredibly inexperienced in relationships and have no idea what he wants or he is a love bomber.

One of the posters who used to post here when I did said people need to earn the right to know you. I know her name now but not her nickname. Grin Anyhow I loved the quote and think it also applies to compliments. I want a compliment that is about me once someone knows me not some generic comment that I had no doubt an iron would have used before.

sally2021 · 16/04/2021 09:40

@walkigonsuncc sadly you've met someone called a love bomber. We all get them especially at the beginning of dating and we all fall for them!

There used to be the dating rules on the first page. Maybe they aren't used anymore but hopefully someone will repost them as they are good rules to help keep you sane.

bangheadhere40 · 16/04/2021 09:51

dancer that's awful...I would just have to block him I think!

As people say...either very inexperienced or a total player - both not great 😁

Slothmomma · 16/04/2021 09:54

Lovely to see previous posters return with happy updates. Gives me a bit of hope 😁

Still chatting with my facetime iron from the other night but matching his effort. He said he'd like to see where it goes but wants to go slow and "doesn't want to label it". Fine I've said but I'm not after a fb or fwb. So hence the matching his effort as not sure what he's really looking for. He did message late last night saying he'd wanted to ask for another facetime earlier. I said he should have then.

Anyway I kept swiping as not sure about this one and matched with another local one (very rare i find anyone local) and chat has been easy and we seem to have a lot in common so we've arranged a walk tomorrow. Only glitch I can see is that our childfree time doesn't match but he's arranging a sitter for an hour or so tomorrow and said if works out he'll see if he can switch his weekends so I've stuck with it (I usually duck out early if time clashes as I can't alter my times due to ex)

BelladiMamma · 16/04/2021 09:56

@Slothmomma

Lovely to see previous posters return with happy updates. Gives me a bit of hope 😁

Still chatting with my facetime iron from the other night but matching his effort. He said he'd like to see where it goes but wants to go slow and "doesn't want to label it". Fine I've said but I'm not after a fb or fwb. So hence the matching his effort as not sure what he's really looking for. He did message late last night saying he'd wanted to ask for another facetime earlier. I said he should have then.

Anyway I kept swiping as not sure about this one and matched with another local one (very rare i find anyone local) and chat has been easy and we seem to have a lot in common so we've arranged a walk tomorrow. Only glitch I can see is that our childfree time doesn't match but he's arranging a sitter for an hour or so tomorrow and said if works out he'll see if he can switch his weekends so I've stuck with it (I usually duck out early if time clashes as I can't alter my times due to ex)

What's fb?

Thanks xx

SpringlikeBunk · 16/04/2021 10:00

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Just one line everywhere saying you don’t want to be in touch any more then block everywhere.

Or just block everywhere - he’s not serious in his emotions he’s just writing shit

I run a Twitter for work and I’ve had some random men latch onto me - I think the phrase is “Reply guys” they just write inane insincere shit to every female they can access contact with on social media etc

They’re not rude or insulting but no point discussing with them they’re just talking fantasy and have no sense of decorum or boundaries .

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Eesha · 16/04/2021 10:08

@sally2021 i think i remember you, were you Salty Sally? And did Mr Music play you loads of music or was that someone else?

dancemom · 16/04/2021 10:11

@Dancerinthemoonlight I'm cheesy and love a cute message but that's just way over the top!

dancemom · 16/04/2021 10:12

So I'm back on the apps but any chats haven't lasted more than 48 hours and I've gone through everyone on Bumble already 🙄

Slothmomma · 16/04/2021 10:25

belladimamma fb is fuck buddy

BelladiMamma · 16/04/2021 10:46

@Slothmomma thank you 😊

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 16/04/2021 10:46

Got my first date with On Zoom with Mr. Bookworm this afternoon 😰 feeling a bit nervous, to be honest. It's such a long time since I've dated. Hand hold please?

SpringlikeBunk · 16/04/2021 10:51

Good luck @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

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SpringlikeBunk · 16/04/2021 10:56

Ok another personal moan:

“Back again”

This just makes me think they have had a bad interaction from the app they haven’t got over...TMI!

If I’m swiping on someone new I dunno how long they’ve been on it - I don’t really care but “jaded “ is not a good look

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OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 16/04/2021 10:57

@SpringlikeBunk

Good luck *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*
Thank you @Spring ❤️
SpringlikeBunk · 16/04/2021 11:05

Showing my age here

but what’s up with the Instagram guys?

The really handsome guy I matched with yesterday asked if I had Instagram and I said I didn’t, he then said just he preferred to communicate off tinder?

(We had some brief chat as well and he seemed intelligent and decent )

So I gave him my WhatsApp as that would do the job just as well - but hasn’t really replied since he sent his number across on WhatsApp ?

I sent a random photo related to our work field and a “hows your day” message so nothing too heavy/ominous.

Was he just fishing for more new followers/social media contacts/looking to get my Instagram followers if I had any ?

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dancemom · 16/04/2021 11:06

@SpringlikeBunk I have so many things that put me off

If you don't look like your photos you're buying the drinks until you do - original 🙄

My kids are my world and if you dont like that swipe left - wow you're dad of the year then 🙄

Women, why so much make up, I prefer natural - nobody asked you pal 🙄

I'm jaded already 🤦🏻‍♀️

dancemom · 16/04/2021 11:07

@SpringlikeBunk yes just looking to add more women to their follower numbers most likely. I never add irons to my social media until we are in an established relationship.

VanGoghsDog · 16/04/2021 11:07

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Got my first date with On Zoom with Mr. Bookworm this afternoon 😰 feeling a bit nervous, to be honest. It's such a long time since I've dated. Hand hold please?
Aw, you'll be fine. Just have a chat with no expectations. Flowers
Slothmomma · 16/04/2021 11:12

Good luck onwardseverstriding. Try not to view it as a date but just scoping out whether they are a potential for a date 😉

VanGoghsDog · 16/04/2021 11:18

[quote dancemom]@SpringlikeBunk yes just looking to add more women to their follower numbers most likely. I never add irons to my social media until we are in an established relationship. [/quote]
I wouldn't either, and even then maybe not!

But the Tinder "safety centre" says to check people out on sm before you meet them. This means I'd have to give people my real full name before I meet them. I won't be doing that, thanks.

Mind you, I've given an unmet Tinder guy my address yesterday.

He's a decorator and I'm getting some decorating done, and the guy who quoted hasn't come back with any dates, so this guy offered to quote. I've got his company name, checked his website, same person on the website, so that's fine. Basically it's no worse than having a random tradesman come round.

He's saved me a coffee jar as I've said I use them for pickling etc.

I had a bit of fun with a scammer. He said he was in Syria, he's from Portland, Oregon and is in the military (yeah, course) but soon retiring to Norwich (er, what?). So I said oh, where in Syria, I've been there. He inevitably said Damascus (unlikely) and asked where I had been. I named about five places I have been to, all of which have now been decimated by bombing, but he just said "wow, would you be going there again?" (Broken English, plus "going", not coming, considering he is apparently there).
I said no, it's a war zone.
He said "don't go, it's a war zone" (go, not come.....)
I said "are you an idiot? You sound like an idiot" - sadly he unmatched me. Before he had time to tell me his tale of woe about how he needs five thousand dollars to get out of the military and retire to Norwich and could I just transfer it..... shame.
He said I had nice hair too. No-one's ever said that on OLD!

SpringlikeBunk · 16/04/2021 11:22

That’s mental @dancemom

(I’m not attached we hardly chatted, just curious I learn more every day using the apps and maybe at my age it’s not so common!)

Yes seems to have 259 people liking Facebook posts and a YouTube travel channel

so maybe not a dick as such but someone looking to use people for “fun online contacts and connections” rather than meet up normally

I’m actually very introverted and prefer 1-1 meets (plus my social life is fairly quiet and geeky and just for me )

But I think as I look a certain way to some guys they think I have “instant access” to all these fun cool social groups full of attractive people.

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Dancerinthemoonlight · 16/04/2021 11:28

It's good to know that my Spidey senses seem to be normal as I thought it was a huge red flag. Either from a love bombing or scammer or too immature.
I have deleted the WhatsApp message but will send a no thanks message if he gets in touch again. He unmatched me on Hinge a few days ago and isn't on any social media so only needs to be blocked on WhatsApp and my phone.

SpringlikeBunk · 16/04/2021 11:31

@VanGoghsDog

I do check people out - but I don’t need to “connect” with them to do so?

Eg LinkedIn and any work details and profiles can normally be viewed without registering.

My doctor date has research online plus similar photos to profile.

and I’m not sure if we’re meeting but MrPM has similar (plus some news reports on some extra work he’s done)

and another possible meet for my staycation similar.

So just to check the details really.

There’s definitely some “types” on online dating though who want their dates to “exchange social media and give them access to all these new social groups”?

Like they want to probe any new contacts to get access to all their contacts too?

It’s very insincere.

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