Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

[SpringlikeBunk]

Come ye all!

"I like original ladies"

What does that even mean?

Sigh...

No carbon copies, nor forgeries @WeWantTheFinestWines seems fair enough to me

@WeWantTheFinestWines

If you’re not like this don’t bother

I actually went on a match.com meet ages ago with someone “looking to meet an original girl”.

He meant one who looked very mainstream but was up for threesomes etc

So kind of “cool and original” in the “pleasing him and men and not actually existing” way not in the “original for herself” way

In that case I'm definitely not original. And I'm certainly not a lady.

I only have selfies in my profile too. There are 4 photos, 2 are full length. My children seem to take hideous pics of me from below so these feel more flattering (& like PP said, you can delete the 500+ duff ones!)

Well after agonising about MrG I decided to send one final message yesterday before stepping away completely. I asked if he fancied a SD walk/outside drink and he said he would love to, so we are meeting tomorrow night now. It feels very strange after 4 months of sporadic messaging, but am really pleased to finally see him again.

I have a date tomorrow 😁.

I'm. Currently messaging quite a few irons. But at the moment this is just about fun for me. Meet some people work out what I want etc. I have unmatched a few, usually because they were really boring. How are you. Good thanks. Been for a nice walk today. Weather's nice etc. 😴😴😴

Someone who I was chatting to on bumble today has been a bit "evasive" about his phone number.

I asked (we'd provisionally said we'd like to meet) and he came back with "bored of chatting on bumble already?".

I was a bit on the fence about him anyway - he's been a bit evasive about the children question, a bit TOO suggestive. I can't find any social media/linkedin profile stuff either to say he is who he says he is.

So rather than stress about it or play detective I'll detach and good luck to him.

Better to have no meets and/or focus on the really "sincere nice-sounding" ones than waste energy on the "not quite sure" ones.

I'd be meeting him during my staycation and I want some me-time and don't want it to turn into a dash round town from date to date.

I think I spotted MrMilitary on Tinder under a pseudonym as well - basically begging for sex dates.

I mean we're not talking and weren't on an exclusivity promise but still a bit cringe!

I don't think he's actually that mentally geared up for the long distance "no seeing a woman for months" lifestyle - he needs to transfer out of the military and find a flying job with a slightly more regular conditions and a girlfriend he can come home to most nights.

I'm actually ok with having no sex for long periods of time (and I'm sure there are lots of military men who have geeky hobbies or things they get on with when away - just genuinely not that highly sexed)

But he seems to go absolutely nuts and it doesn't suit his temperament - if you're losing the plot because someone you're on-off dating isn't meeting you for sex, you probably shouldn't be working in a job where you're stuck with a lot of blokes for months or you'll end up struggling!

That does sound desperate. I've noticed quite a few looking for FWB. I accidentally swiped on one and his opening line was that he was married!

I don't mind selfies either, although when i put up some of my profile photos for rating on photo feeler, I got quite a few negative comments about the mirror selfie, and that scored quite low for attractiveness. Strangely, my most popular photo is a selfie too, but you can't tell from the photo itself.

I've noticed the apps are busier now, although it's still hard going! I had a date on Monday (Miss Music), and although there wasn't a spark it was so good to actually sit down for a drink somewhere!

I had a walking date today with Miss Uni, which was OK - not 100% sure what I feel about her though, so will hopefully see her again next week for a proper drink.

Also, Miss H messaged me earlier which has thrown me somewhat, and has set me back somewhat in getting over her. I'd actually spoken to her a few times since she ended it last year - just stuff like wishing her merry Christmas/New Year etc... however we did have a chat a few weeks ago where she mentioned more about why she ended it. So I didn't expect to hear from her again, as I said I still had feelings for her and it seemed she was certain we weren't right for each other.

So I'm a little confused now, and probably reading more into her message than I should - but she sent a photo of something that reminded her of me, and said she was thinking of me. I'm 99% sure she has no intention of meeting me again, but why would you send that to someone you know still likes you? The really odd thing though was that I was meeting Miss Uni for a date very near to where I went on my first date with Miss H, and was thinking of her when she sent me the message.

She's between irons or feeling a bit lonely cat so wanting to keep you interested - that's how I'd read it anyway. It's not fair to give you a glimmer of hope. She's controlling this, picking you up and potentially putting you down when someone else comes along.

You deserve someone who knows they want you. Not Miss Push Me Pull You... I really can't stand it when people are careless with other people's feelings. Look after yourself cat

@VanGoghsDog

I don't bother unmatching. I leave the conversation with my message as the last message hanging there .....

Sometimes I clear the message list up and get rid of the useless ones.

MrNormal has unmatched me. It's a bit odd. In the middle of a conversation, we were talking about House Of Games and he said he had a crush on one of the contestants and I said I'd never heard of her until the show but she was coming across a bit thick. Next thing I know, he's gone. Obviously offended on behalf of some z list celebrity!

I had four new matches on Tinder today. Two are chatting a bit, not that easy though.

How rude of Mr. Normal. Best of luck for your Tinder chats though 🙂🤞🏻❤️

My mr potential unmatched me.

Lessons learnt - if it feels like someone is squeezing me in and doesn’t have time to get to know me it’s prob not going to work.

Intellectually I know it’s not really about me..we’re incompatible, just one of those things etc. But I was married and with him for almost my whole adult life, so I do find all this all very difficult and probably don’t have a thick enough skin yet. I’ve gained weight and so my self confidence is low. I am wondering if it’s not the right time for me and maybe I am better off coming off the apps until I have lost some weight and developed some resilience/self confidence.
Good luck all!

Hi all, I'm about 4 weeks in to this online dating malarkey. This thread has helped me avoid a couple of pitfalls already.
I've started chatting to someone who describes themselves as sapiosexual. What's that all about?! Also, so many men use really old photos and should I avoid profiles that don't use the name? I'm using Match and Bumble, but pickings are thin...

@Howdoesthiswork Are you on okcupid? That dating site has all the new terms like sapiosexual.

Sapiosexual is when someone is turned on by intelligence.

I'm not sure how intelligent you have to be for them to want you🤣
Personally I think we all want someone with some intelligence otherwise how would you have a decent conversation with anyone🤷‍♀️

@SortingItOut I'm not on OKcupic, this guy is on Match. Didn't know if it was a red flag, especially as he doesn't list his name in his profile. Yes, I wondered just how intelligent I need to be!

@Howdoesthiswork I wouldn't say its a red flag at the moment, nor is the no name but if you ask his name and he won't tell you then I would be wondering why.

I'm assuming you have to be very intelligent otherwise why mention it - maybe you'll have to take a Mensa test and score highly🤣

@WeWantTheFinestWines it does seem unfair as she knows from the last message I sent that I still have feelings for her. Just seems either rather selfish as it makes me think there’s a small chance she’s open to meeting again, and sets me back in moving on. Not sure whether it’s best to just ignore her message, or say I’d rather we didn’t continue to stay in touch if she’s certain she doesn’t want to give things another go.

@Howdoesthiswork it’s sadly not that uncommon for people to use old photos. I even saw one the other week who had a date stamp on a couple of her photos - from 2009! And I met someone late last year who was at least 10 years older than her pics. Very disappointing.

I’m not sure if someone not using their real name on the app is a major red flag - I’ve met a few women who did that as they were worried about their online security.

@Howdoesthiswork

Everyone has different tastes in men and what they’re comfortable with (I’m sure the thread would vomit if they saw my ideal man and that’s how it should be)

but personally I’ve found guys who use that term “sapiosexual” a bit pretentious and difficult?

I mean you just chat with someone, work out what their interests are and if you connect naturally?

Mensa test. He hasn't asked yet but did tell me his name. I'll go with the flow for now. So far, I've had one guy that I was going to meet so he sent me an up to date photo (he was 20 years older!!), then sent me a photo of his toned torso (to make up for he looks - his words). I didn't meet him! Then there was an orthopaedic surgeon that wanted to move to Whatsapp or phone and left match due to inappropriate messages expecting me to call him (i didnt!). Then there was a guy I did meet but he was much older than his photos. So, I'm really not doing very well!

@TheCatWithTheHat I agree with @WeWantTheFinestWines -this doesn’t sound healthy?

I think with some dates you can settle down into being friends or lightly keeping in touch

but not with this one - you still have feelings for her and maybe she likes you as a bit of an ego boost?

This sounds brutal and maybe more my style but I’d just send one message saying I don’t want to stay in touch then block everywhere.

@Howdoesthiswork

Tbh I do think you get a lot of duds naturally it’s just the way the system is - I used to be more tolerant but now I’m trying to be more selective and improve boundaries plus identify red flags sooner my dating life has slowed right down ?

But I think it’s better to eliminate than agree to dodgy interactions that aren’t quite right so you’re doing the right thing

and was thinking of her when she sent me the message.

Try not to read anything into this, going by your posts you are thinking about her a lot of the time.
It's a shame she seems to like the idea of you being at her beck and call. This is why we block and delete old contacts, most definitely if they have the ability to hurt us.

I block because then I'm not jumping every time the phone pings, hoping it's them. I know it won't be :)

you are thinking about her a lot of the time true, although it’s reducing over time. Well, it was until yesterday. Just a funny coincidence that I was on my way to very close to where we met when she messaged.

It’s also only the second time she’s been in touch out the blue. I suspect she assumes I’m happy to hear from her, and doesn’t realise it stirs up feelings. I think I’m going to reply and say it’s best we don’t contact each other.

Hello everyone...I don't think there are many names on here I recognise any more but I was a regular on here up until about 18 months ago. @SortingItOut invited me over to say hi so here I am!

I stopped posting on here shortly after I met MrAd (had to think what I'd called him then!) and I'm happy to say things are still going well.

He is moving to my town over the summer from where he currently lives, an hour away, so that will be lovely to be able to see more of him after 18 months of EOW and a night in the week if we are lucky.

We also have a week's holiday booked in the summer with my two kids and his youngest. It's certainly interesting dating as a 40+ mum of two but I have come to realise that what I am looking for now is not the same as I was looking for in my younger years. I have done marriage, a mortgage and kids with someone and I have no desire to do any of those things again with someone else so I am just enjoying being in a relationship for what it is and being a mum along side that.

I hope everyone is ok...I notice @TheCatWithTheHat you are still involved in some way with Miss H...you don't need me to tell you that has been going on (or off) for over 18 months now so I hope she's not stringing you along but it's good to se you are getting out and meeting other people.

I'd be interested to here updates from anyone who remembers me!