He shared private pictures online

[feelingexposed]

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

I also wonder if some of these are fake... OP posts something that'll clearly stir things up, then disappears and the comments keep rolling. I'm not sure some people don't get a kick out of watching all the outrage.

If you're going to go to the police, which I strongly suggest you do, don't delete anything, or ask him to delete anything. It's all evidence. I'm so sorry.

It's not impossible but we can't assume it unless investigated and proved.

It's also very typical that someone would post about this, receive an unexpected vociferous-ness and consistency of responses, be really thrown, feel under huge pressure to leave their relationship on here .... And not be able to process it or take such a step at this time.

If true this woman is heavily heavily invested in a long relationship, marriage and trying to conceive. She's also been gas lit about his behaviour.

The possibility that she might find the responses & expectations on here overwhelming, and not feel able to continue to post.

... is not unrealistic.

Trolls post for reaction and drama. They want to be in the thick of it, love playing the victim, love the controversy that they create. I've been online enough to see this so many times!

But here the op has only posted 6 times, has not been in the thick of it- has not created controversy just explained what she is going to do.

Be really careful before you call someone out as a troll, because if this thread is true then this woman is facing a huge issue in her life, one I hope that the law recognises as a crime and she gets the help and support she needs.

I’d report it to the police to ensure your pictures are removed. You’ve not got a clue how many sites your H has shared your pictures on or the number of pictures he has of you.

He might say he’s deleted everything. But you can’t trust him.

I find it incredibly sad when someone/the OP is in a situation such as this cannot see that the perpetrator cares only for themself, yet still 'loves' the perpetrator. The perpetrator is nothing more than a scoundrel, con artist, sex pest. This is not love. These are not the actions of a man who loves, respects and honours his wife. No.

I wish you healing OP. One day you will wake up and see this creep for who he really is.

You should be reporting it to the police not the bloody site. What do they care? They are run on pictures like this!!

She said she was reporting the site.

Not reporting it to the site.

She's said she's told her h to move out and plans to divorce and you're still shouting "get some respect for yourself!!"

And pp wonder why she would stop posting.

@MarshmallowAra

You should be reporting it to the police not the bloody site. What do they care? They are run on pictures like this!!

She said she was reporting the site.

Not reporting it to the site.

She's said she's told her h to move out and plans to divorce and you're still shouting "get some respect for yourself!!"

And pp wonder why she would stop posting.

It's really upsetting isn't it, especially coming from other women. Imagine nastily posting at someone to get some self respect when they are struggling with such a massive betrayal and life changing experience. So disappointing and needless.

Hope you're holding up alright OP, I can't imagine what a horrible shock this has all been.

What a horrid horrid betrayal.
I completely understand your desire to keep this to yourself as far as possible, but please consider talking to the police about it. No one will be better placed to advise you on if, and how best, you can carry out damage limitation - and if they don't know the answer, they will know someone who does. Talk to them about maintaining your anonymity before you give details. If it will make you feel better, buy an unregistered SIM card and put it into an old phone and give the police only that number to contact you on.
I think it will help if you feel you are taking back more control.

Please don't have a baby with this sick and twisted pervert

What the fuck am I reading???

If this is true please do report to the police. He will carry on using your photos, more likely to to be honest. Look at revenge porn. You don’t need to tell anyone else but do tell the police. And leave the bastard. I’m absolutely horrified by this and would urge you contact women’s aid also as when you come to terms with this you will need support.

OP I am so glad to hear you are getting this piece of shit out of your life. Stay strong.

However, like others, please reconsider going to the police. They will be able to help try and erase as many images as they can of you from multiple sites, because these will have been reshared on multiple websites.
Also, and importantly, he will likely have a relationship at some point in the future. And will do the same again to the next woman. He needs to be stopped.

The police can also take your 'DH''s harddrive and locate any images he may have stored on there, in the cloud or in backups. He may have them stored in multiple locations or as stored backups. You need to ensure he can never share those images again.

Also by going to the police they may be able to trace some of the other women who have been violated on this website and save them from their sick sex predator partners/husbands/fathers. Or at least let them know this has happened to them.

Your main aim right now is erasing as many instances of those images as you can sweetheart. Although unfortunately once images are uploaded to the net they can never be completely eradicated. There are multiple men who most likely have stored images of you on their computers, shared with 'mates' over group chats and saved by them also. Perhaps the police can help trace who the users of the website are and again eradicate as many stored on other hard drives as they can from them.

They can also offer you counselling, as although you may feel ok right now (you are likely in shock) this is going to affect you in the coming months/years.

As much as you want to forget it and move on by kicking him out/divorcing him. He needs to be stopped from doing it again. he needs to be held accountable for what he has done to you.

You need to go to the police, OP. I'm so very sorry this has happened to you.

The fact you have been found. I gaurante someone was like no way that is your misses and he was like yeah it is look her up on fb. That's how I see you being found or drop image searched. Not great at all. Guys get off on finding women in these photos. Seen enough threads on it. Disgusting. You were asleep..

Also the term for this is called 'Molka' Stacey dooley did a documentary on this. As its a growing problem where men share vidoes and photos of women online all of women not knowing.

There is a term*

Holy shit. That is literally one of the worst things I’ve read on MN, ever! What he has done is surely illegal?!!!

I hope you plan to LTB and do something about this.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is an enormous it's betrayal to comprehend. I appreciate that it is going to take time to process.
Please tell someone you trust OP. Please. You should not be trying to get through this alone. It will be too tempting to minimise it all so that you don't have to face the sheer weight of this but that will only harm you more in the end.
Your husband is a sex offender. He is likely to continue his behaviour ( disregarding consent for sexual acts / content sharing)) if you don't report him. The loss of his marriage will not be enough to stop him now he has crossed this line. It could be someone younger next time.
You are worth so much more than this. Action now may feel utterly invasive but these pictures turning up with your employers / somewhere later in life will be worse. There are organisations that scrape images and save them. Your husbands claims that the pictures are temporary mean nothing. The police will tell you that.
Please share this burden with someone you trust. Please don't go through this alone.

Please leave him this man does not deserve to ever see you naked again or touch your body again. Makes my skin crawl.

Also what speedrunparent said x

OP I've got nothing to add to what has already been said. I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are still in shock so it will all take a while to process. I do hope you can speak to someone IRL as you really need to.