I don’t want to lose my friend!!!!

[jxllison]

I had a fight a week ago and my friend had fallen out with me about it. I was out with her and another close friend and saw a girl I didn’t like. I was very drunk and approached the girl I didn’t like we exchanged some words and I ended up hitting her. I got another innocent girl involved. I am a completely different person when I am drunk and often I black out. I regret the situation so much and it’s not the type of person I want to be.

Before this happened we were having a really good time at the park, everyone was drinking and having fun. This isn’t the first time I’ve ruined a night out by getting too drunk and also I’ve had a fight before that the same friend has witnessed.
we spoke the next day, I was a mess and told her how sorry I was and that I didn’t want to fall out about it. She is one of my closest friends, we normally FaceTime everyday and speak about anything. We trust each-other strongly and laugh all the time about stupid things. She is one of my best friends and she’s a good friend at that.
When we spoke the next day I said ‘we are still friends right’ and she said she needs to think about it, she said ‘if I can’t go out drinking with you what’s the point of being friends’. We always say ‘love you’ at the end of our calls but she didn’t say it back, we joke about it all the time as I don’t let her leave until she says it, she sometimes doesn’t say it to wind me up but then she rings me back, this time she just didn’t say it and just said bye. It’s a little thing but it does mean a lot.
I just don’t want this friendship to end, I have always been there for her and been a good trustworthy friend, like I said we laugh all the time. She hasn’t messaged me since that FaceTime call, I messaged her to say happy Easter and we spoke briefly about a boy that messaged me, but she hasn’t reached out since she ignored my happy Easter message.
I also haven’t reached out to her as I don’t want to be needy and beg for a friendship. It would be a real shame for us to fall out. I know I fucked up and got black out drunk and embarrassed her in front of people, but I didn’t hurt her, she wasn’t friends with the girls involved either. I don’t want to be like that and start fights but she knew how awful I felt after and hasn’t contacted me since - I do feel a bit disappointed that she hasn’t messaged me... if any of my close friends got into a fight or got too drunk etc, I would still be there friend and support them? Yes it’s happened a few times but friends are supposed to stick by eachother aren’t they?
I feel like a lot of it comes down to her image and how I make her look, she cares a lot about being popular and liked. Maybe she doesn’t want me to be associated with me and that’s hard to deal with. People still like me I just have a few enemies right now.
I’ve beaten myself up a lot and cried constantly about what I did, I don’t want to play the victim and feel sorry for myself bcos I know I am massively in the wrong, but I just don’t need my friends to make me feel even worst.
I don’t know what to do, should I reach out to her and see how she feels about me? Or should I leave her to contact me?

We also work together and will be back to work on the 14th, I don’t think it’d be awkward as there’s a lot of people at work. But I want to know where I stand with her. I don’t know man.

I wouldn’t friends with you either you sound like a fucking nightmare.

Thanks for making me feel better

Don't you think it's time to get a handle on your drinking?

Yes, you feel awful about it and apologise afterwards, but it's a repeating pattern. Unfortunately if you're out of control when you drink, behave in ways you wouldn't normally and get blackouts - you are a problem drinker.

I would advise you to stop drinking altogether. If you do it and stick with it, maybe you can rebuild your broken friendships. You need to do it for yourself, before you damage your life further and end up on more of a downward spiral.

You don’t seem to be learning from your mistakes though.

You say you black out often so why drink that much? It’s not the first time you’ve had a fight when out, that’s not normal behaviour.

Your friend may feel she can’t go out with you because of your behaviour and I don’t blame her. Maybe she’s tired of having to pick up the pieces. To be honest if I had a friend that started fights on a night out then I wouldn’t want to socialise with them either.

I'm gobsmacked at your reference to returning to work on the 14th, because I assumed you were about 14 from the references to park drinking, getting into fights and blacking out.

Why on earth would anyone sane want a friend who regularly drinks until she blacks out, randomly attacks other women and innocent passersby, and has so little self-knowledge or compunction about what she has done that she thinks her friend is being unreasonable not to behave as though it's all fine, because she didn't actually hit the friend?

I think you need to forget about your friendship for a moment and focus upon yourself.

I don’t care about my image, looking good, being popular or liked, but I do not want to socialise with anyone with at gets drunks and chest into physical altercations. I think it is wrong to try to link your friends reaction to what you did to any shortcomings of hers.

You seem to be aware that you have a problem, are you willing to work towards fixing it? I think you need to work on yourself before you start to rebuild friendships.

Stop drinking.

*sorry for multiple typos, flipping autocorrect, trust you get the gist

You sound like you're on a mission to self-destruct.
Sounds like she's more emotionally mature and doesn't want to be associated with the nonsense as I'm sure other friends will also feel the same.
I think you need to concentrate on yourself for a while. Address your issues and in time, she may see that you've changed.
I'd not go harassing her ( and don't go drunkingly calling her etc- that will be the final nail in the friendship)

Maybe she has realised that she doesnt want to hang around with or be associated with someone who turns into a violent thug when they get drunk. Your behaviour is disgraceful and not normal, and unfortunately, people who behave like you only start to learn how unacceptable their behaviour is, when normal reasonable people start to turn their backs on you because of it.

Get help for your drinking, before you run into someone even more violent and unpleasant than you and someone ends up really badly hurt.

Why have you posted this as if it's a totally normal thing to admit to?

how old are you all?

Are you the same person that posted that you apologised so should be forgiven?

You sound about 12 years old.

I don’t know I just wanted some advice, sorry

Yeah I'm sorry but I assumed you were about 15, going around the park drinking and getting into fights. How old are you? You need to grow up op, simple. I wouldn't want to be known to be your good friend if that's how you behave.

I think you should stop framing it as a falling out, which implies a sort of mutual disagreement. She has had enough of you, of fighting and being humiliated, of nights being ruined and having to reassure you afterwards.

You need to actually own your bad behaviour and deal with your drinking problem. The friendship is hanging by a thread and the only hope is for you to genuinely seek help over the drinking, then approach her with a genuine apology, not pleading for reassurance from her.

Put yourself in her shoes, really try, she probably has other friends asking her not to invite you, she's worried all the time you're drunk and the next day is all about making you feel better.

I'm sorry that most posters are going to make you feel worse, but it's well meant - you can't go on like this, you just can't.

I wouldn't remain your friend either. It is not acceptable behaviour and I wouldn't associate with an aggressive drunk.

If you want her back in your life, be someone she can trust and respect. Stop drinking for a start.

I’m 21, I know I need to grow up I just don’t know how, I want to though.

How many chances do you expect her to give you?

Start by stopping drinking!

How old are you? 12?? Stop drinking and grow up before you keep loosing friends

OP you posted only two months ago about blacking out when drunk and having sex with some boys in a car and it being videoed.

You need to get a grip on your drinking, no one can do this for you. You seem to be on some sort of self destruct mission.

I have always been there for her and been a good trustworthy friend,

Trustworthy friends don't get drunk and pick public fights and expect their friends not to be shocked and dismayed at their behaviour.
You need to sort yourself out. Then apologise and tell her you've really changed. Then see if she still wants to be friends with you. All of which is going to be a long process, not instant.
You clearly have problems - mumsnet can't solve them for you. Counselling, therapy, admitting you have a drink problem to a professional (Dr or addiction counsellor or similar). These are the things that are going to help you.
Good luck OP.

How do you grow up? - stop drinking all the time, stop getting smashed in the park like an asbo waiting to happen, and get a handle on your behaviour. Stop fighting and hitting people, and stop whining as if you're the victim. No one else can do it for you, you're a 21 year old woman ffs. You're in control of what you choose to do.

@jxllison

I don’t know I just wanted some advice, sorry

You have had some advice, as well as some truths that might have been hard to read about yourself. That truth is that no decent person would want a friendship with you at the moment, the only people that would consider it will be people that behave as badly as yourself.

So leave your friend alone for now.

Get help with your alcohol problem, you have a huge one. You are somebody that needs to live a teetotal life.

When you have you alcohol problem under control, it might be ok to see if your friend is interested in reconnecting. But for now, focus on yourself.