Is it weird to not want to live with partner

[TickledOnion]

I’ve been with my lovely DP for 6 years. We see each other once or twice a week depending on when I have my DCs and when he has his. I really like this set up and used to think I’d like to live together but I’m not sure anymore.
I make an effort when he comes over which I know I wouldn’t be bothered with if we lived together. I’m worried we’d just get bored of each other and I just can’t see any particular advantages of living together except financially.
Is anyone else happy in a long term relationship where you don’t live together?

There's nothing weird about it if it works for you both.

And even if it was weird, if it works for you both then why worry!

My husband and I live in separate houses despite being very much married to each other.

It was our compromise on blending families. When kids were small we lived together.. but the emergence of 8 kids into teenagedom, combined with different parenting styles. (Mine did their own laundry, packed lunches, basic chores like hoovering/dishwasher. He was typical Disney father who's kids do fuck all.. )

Meant separate homes to save my sanity and stop being piggy in the middle.

I bloody love it. See him 2/3 nights a week. No more Dsc drama . They get dedicated dad time. Mine got dedicated me time . As time has gone on and they've all got older , gone to Uni , work etc they all take a lot less time.
We are both down to one at home now.. and when mine goes to Uni in September we may think again about living together - but I'm in no hurry.

I ended up splitting up with past partners a year or less after moving in together. I just don't like living with boyfriends, i enjoy my own space and dont like the fact - as others have said - women tend to carry all the household burden.

My current DP and I, neither of us have kids, we are nearly 3 years in and I know I want to marry him, we are talking babies and weddings, but is moving in high on the priority list? Not really.

Neither of us desperately need to move in together. And this time of him staying weekends and visiting in the week have been me training him to carry our domestic chores without being asked, so when we do move in eventually, I wont feel the seething resentment that killed past relationships.
And when i say training, it really is, and he is aware of it! He knows when we do move in, he won't be able to fob all the jobs off on me and the expectation is he will equally contribute to chores.

It does however, not meet with my friends approval, who all rushed into buying houses together with their DPs and fiances in less than a year of being together. Sounds like hell on earth to me.

In summary, do what works for you, and take each day as it comes. Have there been days ive been desperate to live together? Yes. Did we almost make it happen? Yes. Will we in the future? Yes, probably. Do i love my own space inbetween? HELL YES!!

This sounds great to me, not weird at all. I think it's incredibly difficult to buy a home on a single income, so that's where the pressure is for some, and this notation that couples have shack up together.

I know a couple who have been together for years, both had children from previous relationships, and they didn't live together. I worked with the woman and she loves having her own home with her children and still being excited to see her partner after many years together. I remember reading an article about Helena Bonham Carter and her husband (the guy who wrote Nightmare at Christmas, I can't remember his name rn!) Having their own houses next door to each other, and even though I was quite young reading this, I thought it sounded great!

Just because two people aren't shackled together, doesn't mean they don't love each other and lack commitment. In many ways, it's far better.

I don't think it's weird! My DP and I live apart, no plans to move in (that sounds passive, what I actually mean is I've actively planned not to live with a man!). Besides the complications of blending families (love the kids, all of them, mine and his - but all together all the time...oh dear god nothankyou! It would be a recipe for chaos). And I like my own space. Plus the relationship feels fresh and sexy and unencumbered by domestic shittery even after 4 years. We see each other most days. Works for us! I'd consider moving together after the kids leave home though as he's quite a bit more adulty and domestic than me!

Tim Burton

Not weird at all. Works perfectly if you're both on the same page with it. I think it will be the death of my relationship as my partner does want at some stage to live with me. It's not something I will compromise on though, I need time on my own, I love my little house and independence and have no plans to give up either.

My mum has been with her boyfriend 28 years and they've never lived together!

Works for me too! We have only been together 20 months but we have no plans to live together for various reasons but mostly because I like my space with my kids and he isn't their dad.

He is moving closer soon as is currently an hour away so he will be down the road in his own house and that will be perfect as we can see more of each other but each have our own space.

As for things progressing, I have done kids, marriage and a mortgage and have NO desire to do any of the again with someone else. My only plan is to get my own mortgage at some point for security and not be dependant on a man.

Not weird at all the main thing is being happy. Also makes sense when you both have kids. I liked living on my own before DP and i moved in together and sometimes I miss it!

Yep, me too. Divorced, kids, 4 year relationship with lovely man who I see when we want to, not just by default. On the odd occasion he is here with the kids or for a long block of time I start to feel a bit irritated. Not by him, just by the need to interact or consider what the other person might think about my Judge Judy habit 😂. You do see it a lot on here, the idea that it's not a real partnership or, during lockdown, that you were killing granny just for a shag if you spoke about seeing your partner, but increasingly, as women can be more financially independent, it's a great option.

I also have a close friend and neither her or her partner have kids (both mid-late 40's so won't be any either) but still choose to live apart. They have been together around 6 years and are perfectly happy. It's other people that seem to have an issue with it but they are mostly people who moan about their other halves a lot so I know who I'd rather be!

I’d happily live married apart except for the cost!

On the odd occasion he is here with the kids or for a long block of time I start to feel a bit irritated. Not by him, just by the need to interact or consider what the other person might think about my Judge Judy habit 😂

God, yes me too! My partner moved in for the first lockdown and we are still together but I couldn't wait to get my space back!

I would think that both were putting their children first and would see that as a very stable base for a relationship.

@Walesrecommendations

My mum has been with her boyfriend 28 years and they've never lived together!

What a sensible lady! Best of both worlds.

My boyfriend has only lived with me for a year and a half, not sure if the forever thing is my thing!

I've never seen a blended family situation that works well. There's always a drama or resentment about something. It's really selfish to lump your children into a family situation with other children as well as imposing your partner on them.
Living separately is perfect.

I would never live with a partner again!

No not weird at all. It suits me too and I have a few friends and lovers who feel the same.

House prices are the only thing stopping this from being absolutely standard in relationships. If I lived in a low cost housing area I'd have my own place for sure, or while DS is still here with us at least a house big enough for separate bedrooms.

I have adult DC who have long left home and a DP of some years. No way would I ever live him, I prefer my own space and am happy with seeing him once a week or so.

My bf and I haven't been together long, but we both are young and have separate houses. I'd like to think that we'll move in together one day, but he's very adament that he wants to spend the next several years living alone and independently. I get very lonely which is bad for me, but it keeps our relationship fresh.

@missbunnyrabbit

My bf and I haven't been together long, but we both are young and have separate houses. I'd like to think that we'll move in together one day, but he's very adament that he wants to spend the next several years living alone and independently. I get very lonely which is bad for me, but it keeps our relationship fresh.

@missbunnyrabbit If it's not the kind of relationship you want, don't hang on being miserable. Find someone who wants the same things you do instead. While I'm a big fan of living on my own myself, if it's not what suits you don't settle for less than you need for promises of a far-off future with some guy. He's not that special, love, he's not that special. Find someone on the same page. You really don't want to waste your youth waiting for someone who doesn't want what you want to meet your needs.

Nope not weird. I’ve been with my dp for 3 years and living together is not on the agenda at all. At the moment we have teenagers at home, GCSES and A levels to be done in the next couple of years so not worth even considering. When I think about it more, I realise how many positives there are to our 2 home situation. We don’t argue, there’s nothing to argue about when there’s no money or kids to disagree about. We both have our own space and our own friends. The little things that could be annoying are inconsequential. When we’re together we enjoy each other’s company. We’re more of a partnership than I ever had with my exh. Maybe we’ll just stay in our own spaces when the children are living independently too. It’s really the best of both worlds!

@category12

Yeehh, I have been battling with this is my head. He is really lovely though. It's only been 10 months so I think I'll give him another year or two and then see where his head is at.