Hello everyone I'm very sorry it's been a whole week since I've posted, I've been intending to get back to you all on your latest comments. @loveyourself2020 thank you for checking in! I really appreciate you thinking of me.
Things are ok here. My husband is still trying really hard to be a better person and I actually am starting to forget what the old him was like! He's being very caring, patient with our daughter, thoughtful, proactively creating opportunities to give me space, and so on. We had a chat last week about him making suggestive comments about sex and he apologised and has completely cut out all of that now. We're still tiptoeing around each-other in terms of trying to assess each other's moods and feelings so it can get a bit awkward as we're probably both being overly sensitive in analysing one another.
Regardless of the above though and how much more positive things seem, I still keep coming back to the same place - I just don't feel any love for him. I can't really remember what it feels like to feel love (for him) so I'm a bit lost in that respect. I just keep thinking that he is someone that has the potential to behave as he did previously, and I don't want to be with someone who has that in them.
I've done a lot of thinking around the point about me having not sat down and clearly spelled out to him how bad his behaviour was in the past. My therapist asked me what I would have liked to have said to him, and actually all I could think was I wouldn't want to have had to say anything at all, I'd want him to be someone who would never treat someone he loved like that. So I've kind of made my peace with that part of the issue.
How is everyone reacting to this almost overnight complete change in who he is and how he treats people ? Everyone must be talking about it and asking you what has happened
I0NA your post really made me smile, not sure if that was the intention 
I totally what what you're saying, and you're absolutely right. Funnily enough his mother is probably the only other person who would sometimes bear the brunt of his rudeness, so I'm hoping she will actually benefit from his improved behaviour as well. Of course work colleagues and friends would never have guessed he had such little control over his temper!
This is not unfair OP, it's extremely insightful. You are right. In fact, I read back all your posts to pick out the below quotes and I was shocked at how much of this thread is actually about him, not you. It may feel to him as if you are "making it all about you" as you say above - but I'd say that was because, in the past, it was 100% about him, and now you're actually taking some time to figure out what you actually want, to him that feels hugely uncomfortable and unfair. But to the observer, it is not. What's that famous saying? When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
cavagirl thank you for taking the time to pick through my posts, the way you set it out really did spell out how much my own thoughts and feelings are/were driven by his moods and behaviour. I've been discussing that with my therapist (I've turned into someone who says 'my therapist says...' ) and I seem to be locked in this pattern of putting everyone else's feelings first and not really paying attention to my own. Not sure how to break free of that but I guess having an awareness of it is the first step!
I just want to add, OP, that it probably seems natural to you, that you're looking out for his feelings and he's not looking out for yours. Why should he? You've both got used to this one-way process, and it feels perfectly normal. His feelings are the ones that really count, that's right, isn't it? Yours are kind of irrelevant, really.
Just consider growing old with someone like that. There may be times when life leans so heavily on you that you need support, instead of being the supporter. What then?
alcemeg so many words of wisdom from you. The above really stayed with me as that is definitely where we were. Even now, when he is really trying to be caring and thoughtful, I don't quite believe it's coming from a place of actual altruism. If I do take him up on any offers of kindness I usually feel guilty/selfish. And yes, I can't even imagine growing old with him at the moment!!
sortingitout thank you for sharing your experience, I'm so pleased to hear that life is so much better for you now!
feelingchicken sorry to hear that you're in a similar place to me 
it is so hard isn't it, I feel like I'm going round in circles! How are things for you now?
whatdirection how are you doing? Did you manage to get out to your walking group this weekend (the weather may have destroyed that opportunity!) and did you manage to compose a strong reply to your husband?
- How does your gut react if you were told you had to stay for the rest of your life?
*How does your gut react if you were told you had to leave and make a new life for yourself?
When l did the exercise, my gut reacted far more strongly against the idea of staying. It felt like a prison sentence. That doesn’t mean to say l didn’t feel fear at the thought of leaving.
This is a really interesting exercise! I have reactions to both for very different reasons. For the first, I feel a sense of panic/impending doom almost. For the second, just fear around what will happen if I make the leap. I'm going to keep coming back to this exercise though and try and tune in to exactly what my gut is saying 